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Chairshots 8/15/01

My boobs are fake.

Raw Thoughts
Do you ever get the feeling that the WWF knows how to put on a great show week after week but put out one bad show occasionally just to remind you how good they are? Last week's Raw was very high on the suck-o-meter, but the WWF rebounded this week with an outstanding show. There was far less comedy and the comedy that they did do came off as funny. Stone Cold's opening "State of the Alliance" address put the angle back on track after the WWF creative team had backed off of it last week. His chewing out of Tazz and Tommy Dreamer brought two big name ECW guys back in to the spotlight. Big props to Rob Van Dam for his match against Kurt Angle. The WWF showed a lot of confidence by putting RVD, a wrestler that has a history of hurting other wrestlers, in a match with Kurt Angle just six days before Kurt is to main event SummerSlam. All in all an outstanding show. Ratings for the week were down however to 5.2 from 5.4 last week. Expect the number to go up next Monday as people will be tuning in to what happens the night after SummerSlam.

Boobs
Another memorable moment from Monday Night Raw was Chris Jericho calling attention to Stephanie McMahon's alleged boob job. Speculation about Stephanie's breast enhancement has been all over the net for weeks. On the Opie and Andy radio show yesterday, Stephanie finally confirmed that yes, she did have them enlarged. She said she had the breast surgery five weeks ago and that they are still swollen. That's why they look so huge. The reason she got implants is because one time at Raw she saw a sign that said "Steph's puppies sag." I hope the guy that made that sign is reading this because he now thinks he's famous. Also on the show, Stephanie explained that it was her fault The Rock said f**k. Apparently, she missed her cue to cut him off because she could not hear him over the crowd. She was probably distracted by her boobs.

Dean Malenko Speaks
WWF.com has comments from Dean Malenko regarding his retirement announcement. Dean says "everyone took that out of context...All I was telling the people that night was that it could be my last match, because I'm going to be doing the developmental stuff, and because when an opening comes up for being a road agent I'll probably take that. And if it was my last match, so be it, and thank you very much. That was it. But everybody took it like I announced my retirement. I've been getting phone calls out the wazoo going, 'I can't believe you retired!' I was just like, 'no!' It was just an opportunity -- which I didn't know if I'd get again -- to say thank you." Malenko mentions the possibility of being a road agent, training younger people, the possibility of being a tough enough trainer, and a few other things. If you like Dean, check it out. And on a personal note, Dean, I apologize for calling out your wazoo.

Tough Enough Reject
So remember Tom, the guy that was picked as a Tough Enough contestant but then dropped out for a mysterious reason, making room for Greg? Turns out that he's 18, but still lives at home with his parents, and thus needed consent forms. His parents refused to sign them and Tom couldn't do the show. Man, talk about your parents crushing your hopes and dreams. It's going to take years of anger management classes for Tom to work that out of his system.

Ivory Explained
When Ivory made her return to the WWF and then joined the Alliance last week, I complained that the whole thing was stupid. The last time we had seen Ivory she was a very prim and proper member of the RTC. I resented the fact that the WWF writers made no effort to explain her complete character change. Well, they kind of did. I found this blurb on WWF.com.

"There is new hope in joining the Alliance. The WWF is still very lewd and rude. Ivory used to watch Torrie and Stacy in WCW. They used to be passed from man to man. Now that she is in the Alliance, she can help them out. Ivory added that a female who has more to offer that just being beautiful will be successful in this industry. She is here to help them contribute. It feels good to be needed again. Steven Richards dumped her and the other RTC brothers. Her theory is that Steven fell in love and that is why there is no more RTC. He became caught up in lust. One big reason that she wanted to help out Torrie is that she saw her using her sexuality to get Vince McMahon in trouble. Vince treated Trish very badly and then got his right back. Torrie and Stacy were very instrumental in Ivory putting her tight pants back on and letting her hair down again." (*coughlesbianscough*)

So, now WWF.com is explaining continuity. Great. I can't wait for WWF: Our Worlds at War.

Smackdown Hype
Be sure and catch Smackdown Thursday night. Tomorrow is the first live show and will debut a new set and new theme music. Plus the "Stone Cold Invitational," whatever the hell that is.

We'll talk all about it on Friday, I'm sure.

Michael Goodson

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