8-13-02
The Raw Run Through
The giant pendulum that is Raw swung back to the good side this week with a strong entertaining show.
How poor are ticket sales when Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman
can get ringside seats to Raw at a moments notice?
Seriously, I actually liked the opening segment. Triple H
vs. Rock has to be the longest ongoing feud in the WWE ever.
They have had more battles than any other combo I can think
of and yet they always manage to keep it entertaining. Lesnar
continues to look good as the "man that destroyed Hulk-a-mania."
And boy, doesn't he look snappy in a Hulk-a-Mania tee shirt?
The only negative to Lesnar this week was the fact that they
are hyping a Lesnar vs. Rikishi match for this week's Smackdown.
To climb the ladder in the WWE, do you really have to beat
Hogan first, then Rikishi? Sure, it will be impressive when
Lesnar F5s Rikishi but I hardly think that's the big thing
that's going to make fans boo him. Hell, I'll cheer when he
does it.
First jobbers, then old women, then announcers and now midgets.
Will the Islanders ever wrestle or will they just destroy
someone new each week? Next week Republicans, then Mormons,
then kids in wheelchairs, then three-legged kittens.
Here's my new Raw pet peeve: Raw has had some really good
wrestling on it the last few weeks, but half the matches are
just thrown together for the sake of wrestling. Take Tommy
Dreamer vs. Steven Richards last night. We know they don't
like each other, but since they've already had one match,
why are they having another? Let them talk and give them a
storyline, otherwise why should I care if Tommy or Steven
wins?
Now RVD and Jeff Hardy had a reason to fight. They both
wanted a title shot. Fine, good enough reason for me. I didn't
see the Matt Hardy turn coming but okay, we can try that again.
I'm hoping they split to different shows rather than having
them feud with each other again. In fact, Jeff should go to
Smackdown since he's had about all the good matches on Raw
that he can have. Jeff vs. Mysterio….Mmmmm.
Stacy Keibler made her Raw debut last night to no one's surprise. As my wife said, "They can't find a reason for her to get naked anymore so now she just comes out and strips?" Yeah, honey, pretty much.
Awesome 8-man tag match to end the show. All parties seemed
into it and so did the crowd. The WWE has done a nice job
selling the SummerSlam pay per view and not waiting until
the last week or minute to do it. It's looking real good on
paper -- so far.
Note to Jim Ross: Was that really the biggest 8-man main
event EVER on Raw? I hate hyperbole.
Kanyon Scares Small Children
Chris Kanyon recently posted some pictures of his most recent injury on his website. I'm warning you now that you do not want to click on these thumbnails if you are at all squeamish.
On one hand they are way gross, but on the other it looks like he's performing a macabre magic trick.
For a blow by blow account of his injury and recovery, check
out his website by clicking here.
Goldberg Returns
Bill Goldberg will make his first pro wrestling appearance
in about two years when he returns to Japan later this month.
He is booked for All Japan Pro Wrestling on August 30 and
31. vs. Satoshi Kojima and Taiyo Kea, respectively. It's been
so long since I've cared about Goldberg that I've forgotten
why this is worth reporting.
After Raw
I read this on another website and rather than recapping it, I'm just going to lift it word for word. Here's what happened after Raw's main event last night and after the cameras went off the air. 1Wrestling's Dan Sanderson reports:
From what I've read, it seems as though the off-air special endings for the live crowds have been stale lately, but the group headlining this week's Raw kept us laughing for a half-hour after the broadcast went off the air.
First, Taker calls Booker back into the ring to "get something straight". He tells Booker that he should give the people what they paid their money to see. The crowd pops as Booker hits the Spinaroonie. Then Booker insists what the people really came to see was the Undertaker do his own Spinaroonie. Crowd cheers.
Cameras are actually still rolling, and on the Titantron,
all trace of the Dead Man disappears as Taker breaks into
a nervous grin. The crowd is still popping for him, even though
he respectfully declines, citing "gimmick infringement". He
says it just wouldn't be right for Booker's signature move
to be butchered by him. By this time, it's more Mark Calloway
talking than Taker.
Then Rock's music hits, and out he comes in utter disbelief that Taker is about to hit a Spinaroonie; he just had to see it for himself. Taker leans back against the turnbuckles, and realizes the ribbing is fully on.
Rock rattles through his usual manic stream of witticisms, taunting Taker and keeping the crowd cracking up until...
Down the ramp comes HHH. He says he's tired of waiting. He'd been watching backstage on the monitor, along with half the roster, waiting to see if Taker is actually going to do the Spinaroonie. For twelve damn years, HHH says, Dead Man has had a lotta balls to do some of the things he's done. HHH wonders if tonight is the night Taker has no balls. They all have him cornered in front of the crowd and Taker is trying to laugh it off.
HHH and Rock then start bantering. Hell, HHH would do one if Taker would do one. Big pop. Rock would do one if it meant HHH would do one if Taker would do one. Bigger pop. HHH clarifies: "You'll do a Rockaroonie if I do a Triple-loonie if he'll do a Taker-roonie?" Crowd goes nuts. By now, Taker is looking for an emergency exit when the Un-Americans head for the ring. The babyfaces bristle for a fight but HHH stops them on the ramp, tells them they aren't needed here, this is serious business and "you kids can just go skate in the back." They remain on the ramp waiting for a Taker-roonie.
HHH and Rock stir up the crowd. Taker grabs the camera guy on the apron and, with his face in blurred closeup on the Titantron, he talks into the guy's headset to someone in the back. And then, as if the pressure weren't enough...
Vince MacMahon is on his way to the ring. Vince gives Taker a hard time, who, by now appears as red in the face as the hair on his head. Vince says if the people get to see a Taker-roonie, then even he will do a Vince-aroonie. HHH breaks in asking if that's anything like a Mac-aroonie.
Vince says he can do this thing and tells Booker to just show him one time. Booker goes through the moves in slow-motion so Vince can get a step-by-step lesson. Then Vince himself gets down on one knee, nods to his hand, and proceeds to flop around the middle of the ring like a boneless chicken (some might say like a scalded dog), somehow finishing back on one knee. HHH congratulated him, declaring Vince the whitest man on the planet. Vince leaves; point made.
Then came Rock's turn. HHH taunts him: Finally! The Rock has no balls!! It was sadly apparent that, back in the day, young Rocky had never studied or practiced Break Dancing. But we gave him a cheer for effort.
HHH's turn, but he's too cool. Rock wonders if HHH has the balls to make a fool of himself in front of the people. HHH goes down on one knee, then bolts for the ropes, only to be blocked by Taker. Again, HHH gets down on one knee, and the Un-Americans rush the ring. An 8-man brawl ensues and out of the middle of the confusion, HHH is lifted by his throat and gets a choke slam. Taker gets on his bike and chases Christian up the ramp. A thunderous round of booos; alas, there was no Taker-roonie for the people.
After HHH recovers, Rock is still taunting him for a "Triple-loonie". HHH whines, This isn't funny anymore. Punches are exchanged; a Rock Bottom is dealt in the middle of the ring; and a People's Elbow is laid down for good measure. As Rock, Booker and Goldust make their way to the top of the ramp, HHH grabs a mic. "Y'know something, Rock. I hate you."
I'm going to go put quarters in my arm. See you Friday.
