Every Tuesday and Friday we give you the scoop on what's happening in and out of the wrestling ring.

My best sports analogies involve figure skating.

Chairshots
6-14-02

Smackdown Thoughts
I won't bother trying to put my overall feelings on Smackdown into a sports analogy because that apparently confuses people. I'm sorry. I watch hockey, not baseball. My bad. Regardless, Smackdown was an okay show last night.

The more I see boxing highlights, the more I'm convinced it's fake. Contract signings in wrestling seem to go about as well as boxing press conferences. A full of himself promoter announces the two competitors. They have a stare down and a fight breaks out.

Triple H then holding the show hostage was entertaining, but I thought it could have been better. He's not the first person to do it, so you need to show me something new. Backstage shots of McMahon telling Chuck and Billy to go out there would have added to the drama. Maybe send a few of those wrestlers who don't get much TV time on a weekly basis (Hugh Morris, Godfather, Funaki) to be Triple H fodder. Just a thought.

I did like that the guards that Triple H punched out remained on the floor outside the ring for a good 15 minutes. Way to sell it, boys. I also liked that Triple H made reference to his and Billy's DX connection. It rewards longtime fans. Good segment with room for improvement.

Fanboyplanet.com movie reviewer Jordan Rosa made an interesting point to me about the Hurricane/Nidia/Knoble feud. One of the clues that the Hurricane received from his mystery stalker was a bag of beef jerky. The meaning behind the clue was never explained after Nidia and Knoble were revealed. What's up with that? I posed the third grade suggestion that perhaps it was a clue because Nidia used to jerk his beef. See, I could totally write WWE sketches.

D-Von's big singles push continued…right off a cliff. He starts by preaching the evils of masturbation which gets interrupted by Farooq saying he's proud to be a masturbator and then Farooq pins D-Von in less than 15 seconds. Who did this benefit? Is D-Von a more dislikable heel because he can lose a match in 15 seconds? Is Farooq a more cheerable face because he masturbates? If so, I know some high school kids that should be the next WWE world champion. Lame booking from all points of view.

Have you noticed that the King of the Ring participants seem to be all the guys without other storylines for the most part? Brock Lesnar and Booker T both got into feuds on Monday but Val Venis, Hardcore Holly, Chris Jericho, RVD, Test and X-Pac have all just been floating around directionless for the last few months. Eddie Guerrero really needs to find a way into the tournament now that his feud with Austin is on hold. Let's take a look at the KotR matchups.

X-Pac
vs. ----------|
Rob Van Dam
--------------|Semi Finals|
Val Venis
vs. ----------|
Chris Jericho
---------------------------|Finals
Test
vs. ----------|
Hardcore Holly
--------------|Semi Finals|
Brock Lesnar
vs. ----------|
Booker T

Not a bad line up. I think it's pretty safe to say that RVD, Jericho or Lesnar will be the winner this year. However, Lesnar just doesn't seem like King of the Ring material to me and RVD already has a title belt. I'm going to predict Van Dam and Jericho will face each other in the semi-finals with Jericho winning. Booker T and Hardcore Holly will both advance and then Booker will get the win over Hardcore. That sets up a Booker T vs. Jericho finals match. Jericho has dropped way down the card since losing the unified title belt so he'll probably be compensated with a KotR win this year. Anyone want to take bets now?

WWE's newest Diva, Stone Cold Steve Austin
Day four of the Steve Austin crisis continues with new news. WWE.com posted yesterday that Steve Austin is no longer an active member of its talent roster. The post talked about Austin walking out this Monday at Raw and also his two week hiatus after WrestleMania, both of which happened without WWE permission. Today in the Ross Report, J.R. reports that Austin's "WWE career looks to be at its end as a result of this matter... Steve walking off the job and ending his career with this company at his own hand is damn hard to swallow and I still do not fully understand why this method of protest was selected by one of the fiercest competitors in the business' history."

Austin's new freedom does raise an interesting scenario. Next week NWA-TNA is holding its first pay per view and is in need of a big name star.

Will Austin jump to the NWA, thus burning the bridge with the WWE, or will he simply retire from wrestling all together? Has Austin actually been released from his WWE contract or is the WWE keeping him under contract (without pay) to keep him from making a move to another wrestling promotion? WWE Confidential will examine the issue on Saturday and have recorded interviews with J.R. and Vince McMahon as well. That should be interesting.

Since Austin's main complaint is that the writing in the WWE is bad, I'm surprised that more wrestlers haven't walked out.

That 70's Dork
Mike Awesome has returned to action in HWA where he is trying to shake off some of the ring rust he gathered while healing from his knee injury. He should be back in the WWE before too long.

Who Played Puck? Tazz or Darryl?
Seasons one and two of Tough Enough sat down last night together for the Tough Enough Reunion Special. If you've ever seen the Real World reunion specials on MTV, it was basically the same thing but with a much smaller production budget.

Much of the show was dedicated to two or three people bickering. Tazz chewed out Darryl for having no respect for himself, wrestlers or the WWE. Darryl walked out on the show to the smiles of many. Darryl came back later but didn't sit next to Tazz. Alicia and Jessie had a chick spat over who the biggest drama queen was (Alicia wins hands down). Hawk admitted he had emotional baggage going into T.E. (gasp!) but that he's also parlayed his fame into some success. He just read for the role of Colossus in X-Men 2 (haha! I scooped Planet Buzz!) Pete, Chris Ni, Greg and a few others were continuing to try to break into the business on the independent level. Matt and Paulina both have developmental contracts with the WWE. Jessie got a job working on the WWE backstage production crew.

The show was entertaining if you enjoyed Tough Enough, but it did have its flaws. There was so much unaired footage that it proved the regular show really needs to go to an hour format. Several people from the casts didn't get to say a single word so we really have no clue what they are up to now. Regardless, I'm looking forward to Tough Enough 3.

Rock to Hang Ten
The Honolulu Advertiser is reporting today that The Rock will star in a movie based on the life of legendary Hawaiian King Kamehameha. I smell blockbuster, don't you? Filming for The Rock's next film, "Helldorado," begins in September.

Speculation about the Rock's future in the WWE continues, which is stupid. The Rock will never leave the WWE because Vince owns the name "The Rock." Unless he's going to start calling himself Dwayne Johnson, Rock will be with the WWE for a very long time. How often he wrestles is a whole different bag of apples.

That's it for this week. Enjoy your weekend. See ya next Tuesday.

Michael Goodson