Every Tuesday and Friday we give you the scoop on what's happening in and out of the wrestling ring.

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Chairshots
5-17-02

Smackdown Thoughts
It's time to call the roster split a failure. Raw pretty much sucks and Smackdown is pretty fun. Maybe instead of splitting the roster to showcase the entire WWE roster, they should just fire some of the riff raff.

Nice opening segment with Edge getting the rub from Triple H. He came off looking like a serious tough guy in the first 10 minutes and followed it up later with another nice face to face confrontation with Triple H later. As Triple H slowly moves toward the dark side, Edge slowly moves in to being the popular baby face the WWE wants him to be.

There isn't much bad I can ever say when Lance Storm is on TV, but Val Venis isn't a guy that I really need to see. Their tag match with their respective partners Bob Holly and Randy Orton was logical booking and a fair match, but Venis is just a black hole of entertainment. He was brought back when the WWF wanted to show us that they still had their "Attitude," but he's just not the pie-loving porn star he used to be. Maybe he should be traded to the Raw roster where he can cut loose on cable.

How painful did Rikishi dropping on Rico's chest look? Answer: Very.

Maven's interest in Torrie Wilson is a nice way to get the youngster over. Any guy dating Torrie is a guy I want to be. The match up of D-Von vs. Maven is so nice that it's a shame it won't go on longer. Maven and Al Snow's feud with Chuck and Billy is pretty much a full time gig. It's also been nice to see Maven slowly adding new moves to his repertoire.

The Hurricane finally pulled off an entertaining backstage promo in his secret identity of Gregory Helms. Questioning the "evil" Funaki was so logical that I'd swear the writers planned it.

Line of the night: "You want a reverend to go out and buy condoms?"

I love swimsuits. I hate midgets. Why has destiny linked their paths? But seriously, as much as I love to see the WWE girls in their swimsuits, the "swimsuit competition" is so pointless. At least in a "lingerie match" or "bra and panties match" the two women have a so-called match. However, the swimsuit competition did result in a Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Kiebler match for Judgment Day.

Why didn't the triple threat match between Hurricane, Kidman and Tajiri get more time? Kidman just won the belt not too long ago and the WWE writers haven't followed up with any back-story. If you're not going to put much energy into getting the fans over with the storylines, why not let the wrestlers get over by letting them show the audience what they can do in the ring? Did you notice how Chuck and Billy's entrance music started playing during the end of a Vince McMahon backstage bit and by the time the camera cut to them they were in the ring? Why is Hogan, who has actually driven away television viewers, given a 5 minute intro? Yes, the crowd cheered. Yes, Hogan got weepy. Big f'n deal. He can't wrestle. He's can't cut an original promo. He can't make a watchable movie. The storyline he's in with the Undertaker sucks. WHY ARE YOU CHEERING FOR HIM? You'd think Christopher Reeve just rolled to the ring, got out of his wheel chair and gave Vince McMahon a pile driver. If Hogan doesn't lose the title this Sunday, I may actually boycott wrestling for a few weeks. I'm serious.

Ken Shamrock Returns
Former WWF wrestler and MMA fighter Ken Shamrock has finally decided to return to pro-wrestling. However, rather than return to the WWE where he enjoyed a good amount of success, he signed with Jeff and Jerry Jarretts' resurrected NWA promotion. Shamrock talked to the WWE about returning but he eventually decided on the NWA since they only work 26 dates a year. With a relaxed schedule like that can other out of work, big name wrestlers like Scott Hall be far behind?

Ratings
The other shoe has fallen as the rating for Raw has finally dropped below 4.0. Monday's pathetic effort at entertainment drew a measly 3.9 rating. With Smackdown setting a new all time low record two weeks ago and Raw ratings on the decline, it's no longer debatable that the WWE's current efforts are not entertaining fans. It's time for something major. It's time for new writers, a Goldberg and Scott Steiner debut and that Christopher Reeve idea ain't half bad either.

Goldberg Update
Speaking of Goldy Goldberg, the details of his Time Warner buyout are finally leaking out. Goldberg apparently received 92% of the total money owed to him by AOL/Time Warner. The company wanted to clear the books and move forward, which is why they ended up giving Goldberg almost the full value of his contract. Now a free agent, Goldberg is rumored to be leaning towards New Japan or Pride rather than the WWE.

How long before Vince gets desperate and offers Goldberg 50 million dollars and an evening with Stephanie and Linda?

McMahon vs. Costas Recap
Vince McMahon returned to the On the Road with Bob Costas last night. The two had a much more relaxed interview this time around. Here are the highlights:

Costas started the show by introducing McMahon as the in-studio guest and hinted that he will go to a pre-recorded interview with Charlie Sheen if necessary. (Funny.)

McMahon and Costas discussed Vince's previous appearance on the show and laughed about it. Costas asked Vince how close he actually was to punching him and Vince replied that he was very angry but not close to actually throwing a punch. (Vince is more of an Indian Burn kind of guy.) Costas asked why Vince didn't keep the XFL going without NBC since last year he said he would. Vince admitted that the XFL was a failure said he didn't keep it going because it would have been bad for business. Despite its failure, Vince said he did not regret it because he is an entrepreneur.

Vince said he was surprised how much sports writers disliked him, and that he didn't expect such a backlash to the XFL. He added that running both the XFL and the WWF was very rugged.

Next they talked about the decline in WWE ratings. Vince said ratings are down 10% and that they are not connecting with the audience as much as they once did. Costas asked if ratings have perhaps peaked and Vince said it is possible but he doesn't believe so. Vince said that, just like other industries, wrestling has its ups and downs.

Costas mentioned how "The Osbournes" has dethroned RAW as the #1 cable show. Vince said that, over 52 weeks, RAW is still the top cable show.

Costas brought up the Rock not having much time for WWE anymore. Vince said they have created superstars before (i.e. Hulk Hogan, which was a bad example.)

They talked about Hulk Hogan's return. Vince said he has been looking for someone to play a Babe Ruth type character and Hogan was perfect for that. He indicated that Hogan's TV time will be decreasing soon (yay!) but credited him for bringing the older demographic back to WWE. (No mention was made of the younger demographic fleeing in droves.)

They then talked about the WWE name change. Vince said that he made some bad settlements with the World Wildlife Fund over the name years ago due to his battles with the Federal government. He said the WWF has no sense of humor.

Costas asked Vince if he regrets anything such as the Triple H dog skit and Kurt Angle joking that Mario Lemieux faked cancer. McMahon said WWE makes fun of everybody and that Angle and Lemieux are friends. (Vince dodged the issue of the incredibly lame dog skits.) When asked about the "Kiss My Ass Club," Vince asked Costas if he wanted to join. Costas declined. (Vince, you're my hero.)

Vince said he never considered doing a storyline based on 9/11 as he did with the entire Iron Sheik/Sgt. Slaughter/Iraq situation.

Costas asked Vince how he would promote the Mike Tyson-Lennox Lewis fight. Vince said he doesn't think he would have done anything different. Vince said Tyson has lost all patience with the media and that he didn't blame him. Costas questioned whether Tyson had emotional problems. Vince said that when Tyson worked with the WWF for WrestleMania XIV, he never showed signs of emotional problems, always showed up on time for his appearances, and did more than what was asked of him.

The two agreed that this interview was a change of pace from their previous one. (I was so hoping for a fist fight to break out and then highlights from the Charlie Sheen interview.)

Wrestlers Invade Convention
Each and every year zorlacs from around the world gather in Los Angeles for the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3). There all the video game publisher, developers, platform and accessory makers will be there to show their wares to the geeky public. Why am I telling you? Because Acclaim, publisher of Legends of Wrestling, will have Bret Hart, Jimmy Hart, Jerry Lawler and Roddy Piper on hand to sign autographs. If you're in the LA area next week and attending the convention, seek them out. Acclaim announced the following schedule:

Acclaim Booth - #1046 in the South Hall Jerry "The King" Lawler 5/22 1:30 - 2:30 p.m.
Rowdy Roddy Piper 4:00 - 5:00 p.m.
Jimmy Hart 5/23 1:00 - 2:00 p.m.
Bret "Hitman" Hart 4:00 - 5:00 p.m.

You can seek me out too since I'll be there trying to score interviews. I'll be wearing jeans and a black shirt, surrounded by less attractive people.

Is She Still Considered a Celebrity?
Another round of celebrity boxing has been taped for Fox. John Wayne Bobbitt, who gained fame in 1993 after his wife cut off his penis, was scheduled to fight Joey Buttafuoco. Buttafuoco, for you younger kids or diet soda drinkers, was the guy that had an affair with Amy "Long Island Lolita" Fisher. However, the fight never happened because Bobbitt was arrested recently on charges of battery and domestic violence against his new wife.

Fox, in need of a replacement, called up our old friend Joanie "Chyna" Laurer. The fight was taped last week and is scheduled to air on May 22nd (check your local listings).

If you don't want to wait until the 22nd, I'm here to help. A caller phoned in to the Howard Stern show a few days ago and claimed to have attended the tapings. Here are the results he gave. I make no promises that they are true. The results are as follows:

Joey Buttafuoco beat Joanie Laurer. The caller said Joey surprisingly had a pretty good physique, and that Joanie was pretty timid, which people weren't expecting. Another live report I read said that Chyna isn't as muscular as she used to be. That's probably true since she doesn't have access to Triple H's medicine cabinet anymore. In other fights…

Dustin "Screech" Diamond beat Ron "Horshack" Pallilo. Both men were then stuffed into lockers following the fight.

Manute Bol beat William "Refrigerator" Perry. Manute surprisingly won what the caller said was a terrible match. The caller referred to the fight as "a freakshow."

Darva "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire" Conger beat Olympian Olga Korbut. After the fight Darva claimed that she had no idea what she was getting into and asked for money in exchange for showing her breasts. Okay, I made that up.

Dick Dudley Dies
Former ECW star Alex "Big Dick Dudley" Rizzo was found dead in his apartment earlier today. He was 34 years old. The cause of death is not yet known.

Judgment Day Predictions
Hulk Hogan vs. Undertaker The ratings have dropped out from under the WWE since Hogan became champ. When you really break them down, the 15-25 year olds are the ones tuning out. The WWE makes their money on young adults, not the nostalgia of us older fans. Undertaker isn't really the young star I'd like to have the belt but he's better than Hogan. Prediction: Undertaker wins the belt by cheating and loses the title to Triple H at the earliest possible opportunity.

Chris Jericho vs. Triple H - Hell in a Cell
Jericho's entire heel character is built on the foundation that he is the heel that boasts about his big accomplishments however tainted the victories may be. He hasn't had anything to brag about since losing the Unified WWE title to Triple H. It's time for Triple H to lie down and let Jericho win. Also, as much as the "Hell in a Cell" novelty will pop a buy rate, it's the wrong match for the two men to have. Triple H hasn't had a great match since returning from his injury in January. "Hell in a Cell" is always a bloody brawl and unless one of them is diving off the top of the cage, it's going to be hard to have a 5 star match. Prediction: Jericho should win, but the WWF almost always puts Triple H over Jericho. Triple H wins. It will be entertaining, but hardly match of the year.

Ric Flair & Big Show vs. Steve Austin
I see reports of Steve Austin being pissed off at the way he's being handled in the WWE all the time. When I look at this card I see he's totally justified. Austin was the biggest babyface in WWE history (yes, bigger than Hogan) and now he's in a match with Ric Flair and The Big Slow and third on the card. He's not going for the title belt. He's not in the main event. He's not even in an "icon vs. icon" match. Nope, he's rehashing his Austin vs. McMahon feud with Flair playing the part of McMahon.

Until now, Austin has taken and beaten everything Flair and the NWO have thrown at him. If this were an interesting feud, then Flair would be due for a big heel win. Prediction: Austin wins. The NWO continues to be a joke and Flair moves another step in the same direction.

Edge vs. Kurt Angle - Loser Shaves Head
Angle cutting a chunk of Edge's hair on Smackdown is almost a dead give-away that Edge will win the hair vs. hair match this Sunday. Combine that with Angle pinning Edge at the end of the show and Kurt's lack of hair to begin with makes the outcome of this match a no brainer. Hopefully the two will have as good of a match as they did at the last pay per view. Prediction: Edge wins.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rob Van Dam - Intercontinental Championship
If there is a match of the year candidate on the card, it's this one. Despite a lackluster build up of this feud, the two guys can deliver in the ring. Hopefully the WWE will let them have a longer match than they did at the last pay per view. Fantasy: The two fight until time runs out or some other tie finish and then have a main event ladder match the next night on Raw. Prediction: Guerrero wins. Following the show RVD gets so high he doesn't remember if he won or not.

Trish Stratus (w/Bubba Ray Dudley) vs. Stacy Kiebler (w/D-Von Dudley)
Adding the Dudleys to the mix is interesting, but I think it's safe to say that Trish will keep the women's title. Prediction: I have no clue how the Dudleys will play into the match but Trish will win.

Hardy Boyz vs. Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman
Why oh why was this match booked? WWE could have had another Goldberg on their hands and instead Lesnar is being teamed up with Paul Heyman. It's this kind of booking that makes me flinch. Prediction: Lesnar wins and I pray to God gets back to his destructive ways.

Billy & Chuck vs. Rikishi & Mystery Partner - Tag Team Championship
Unless Rikishi's partner is Goldberg I don't think anyone is going to give a hoot about this match. Since none of the legitimate tag teams have been able to dethrone Chuck and Billy I don't see it happening here. Prediction: Chuck and Billy retain the titles.

D-Lo Brown vs. William Regal - European Championship
D-Lo returned from a long absence and needs a big (if you can call this match big) win. Regal really needs to take a few months off in order to freshen up his character. Prediction: D-Lo will win the title and continue to feud with Regal long after fans stopped caring.

That's it for this week. Enjoy Judgment Day and I'll talk to you all on Tuesday.

Michael Goodson