Every Tuesday and Friday we give you the scoop on what's happening in and out of the wrestling ring. Every Monday a brand new Book It.

Mr. Taker, you make me laugh.

Chairshots
4-02-02

Raw Thoughts
The WWF has a long hard road to climb if they expect me to ever care about a Hardy Boyz vs. Big Bossman & Mr. Perfect match. Last night was the first show of the new split roster era. Obviously, more attention was going to be paid to wrestlers that didn't get their share of spotlight over the last year. We got to see Raven, Big Bossman, Spike Dudley, Crash and Molly Holly.

But the problem is that these folks haven't been on television on any regular basis and no one cares about them (no one will ever care about Big Bossman). Raven is the most likely superstar in that bunch, but he lost his match to Bubba Ray Dudley so I guess Raven has just gone from being off-screen loser to on-screen jobber. Not a way to build up the new roster.

Bradshaw, Kane and Bubba Ray all got pushes last night, and they all deserve it in their own way. If you read Book It yesterday then you know I have different plans for Bubba Ray than the mid-card Hardcore Title, but I'll take what I can get. Considering that Eddie Guerrero made his return and lined up a feud with Rob Van Dam instead of Bubba, I'm still pretty happy.

Did anyone else wonder why the APA office had been packed up after last week's Smackdown, moved to a different arena and recreated with overturned tables and beer? Are we supposed to believe that the WWF road crew does that with all the sets regardless if they are used? Do they set up Piper's Pit and The Barber Shop (with broken glass window) each week? Funny gimmick if they do, HUGE lapse in logic if they don't.

Vince McMahon made his return to Raw, after being gone about five minutes, to try and sign Steve Austin. At first I thought that the WWF had made a mistake by blurring the concept of the roster split so soon with McMahon on Raw, but after talking with some casual WWF fans at Easter dinner, I realize that casual fans have no real idea what's going on. It's probably good that the WWF continues to sell the idea that the roster is split and the story behind it.

Steve Austin made his return to WWF television, which put to bed some fears that Austin and the WWF were through due to backstage disagreements. To no one's surprise he signed with Ric Flair's Raw roster, but I will admit that Austin's April Fools joke got me. Damn that Rattlesnake.

The new set looks weird. Maybe I just need a few weeks to get used to it, but it's nowhere near as cool as the sets they have come up with for the pay-per-views. Every once in a while the lighting would turn those hanging screens pink and they looked like giant pink triangles. Maybe the WWF is trying to reach a new demographic. Speaking of gay, did anyone else notice the way Big Bossman tried to pin Jeff Hardy? Too much time in prison, big fella.

A few other quick thoughts: Why does Triple H get a new Unified Title belt but Jericho didn't? That, my friends, is politics. The biggest laugh the WWF has given me all year was last night when in response to the crowd chanting "What?" after every line the Undertaker spoke he asked, "why don't you say 'What' if you like to sleep with your sister?" Gosh, those dead men sure are funny.

I get the feeling that because Goldberg refuses to leave his old WCW contract Vince McMahon said to himself "if I can't have Goldberg, I'll make a Goldberg." Brock Lesnar is taking a page right out of Goldberg's book by destroying opponents in record time. I have no problem with that. If Lesnar wants to run in and put a quick end to every bad match, I'll be his biggest fan.

Why is Mighty Molly no longer Mighty? Why can Kane no longer control fire? How much of a degenerate do you feel like when you find yourself really enjoying a Bikini match between Trish and Terri? How much worse is it when you tape it?

Ratings
Raw last night scored a 4.8 rating. That's down from the 5.3 last week but I hear there was some little basketball thing on TV last night. Smackdown rating was down last week at 3.7. Heat continues to be a top rated show on Sunday with a 1.2 rating. Excess continues to be a show no one watches with a 0.8 rating..

No more Light Heavyweight Championship
Wondering where X-Pac's Light Heavyweight Championship is? The WWF has gotten rid of it. X-Pac was the last champ, but they have decided to use the WCW old cruiserweight belt instead, currently held by Tajiri. X-Pac has said he wanted no part of the lightweight division because he feels he is a big enough star to wrestle the big boys.

Sorry about the last of an update on Friday, but there just hasn't been much news lately, as you can tell from above. Maybe someone will get fired or go to jail by the time Friday rolls around. Until then…

Michael Goodson