|
| |
|
Tell
me that you love me.
|
Chair Shots
03/27/03
WrestleMania
is the biggest wrestling extravaganza of the year, the focal
point and culmination of a year's worth of storylines. Because
it is the crown jewel of wrestling pay-per-views, the WWE
usually tries to pull out all the stops and give the fans
the big matches they want to see. And for once this year,
it's good to see the WWE pull business as usual..
Undertaker
& Nathan Jones vs. Big Show & A-Train
Okay, this ho-hum tag match is hardly a match that fans have
been clamoring for. The surprising thing here is that The
Undertaker is not booked to wrestle in a singles match. His
string of WrestleMania singles victories is about to come
to an end.
Hard
to believe that I'm actually in favor of an Undertaker vs.
Big Show match instead of this one, but I am. Keep the other
partners in the corners and following Undertaker's win, have
Nathan Jones turn on Taker.
This
match will not last as long as the cumulative intros for each
man and the participants are not going to put on a wrestling
clinic either. This gets my vote for "lowest expectation"
Match on the card.
Prediction:
Taker and Jones win.
Matt
Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio
Lean mean cruiserweight machine Matt Hardy defends his title
against Old Lizard Eyes, Rey Mysterio Jr. Back in the old
WCW days, they always had a cruiserweight match on their card
that silently stole the show away from the main event talent.
This could be that match. Both men are at the top of their
game right now and should perform well.
Prediction:
I think that there will be enough title changes and babyface
victories in other matches on the card that some heel should
probably retain his belt. It's Matt Hardy's lucky day by default!
Los
Guerreors vs. Team Angle vs. Benoit & Rhyno
Smackdown Tag Team Titles
Now here's a tag match that you can tell your grandkids about.
All six men are masters in their wrestling style. Eddie and
Chavo have been hot lately, but their babyface popularity
doesn't suit them as well as being heels did. Solid in the
ring, Team Angle has yet to prove themselves on the mic. Benoit
and Rhyno are the two biggest superstars waiting for their
next big push (How many years have we been saying that about
Benoit?), if both men can stay healthy.
Prediction:
Benoit and Rhyno win the belts and set up a long term feud
with Los Guerreros.
Kane
& RVD vs. Lance Storm & Val Morley
Raw Tag Team Titles
Runner up for the lowest expectation match on the card is
this one. This just feels like a match destined to main event
Sunday Night Heat. RVD and Kane have yet to click as a tag
team. Morely and Storm and in the same uninspired boat they
were in last year.
This match
will be an excellent time to beat the crap out of the Fanboy
Planet WrestleMania Trivia Contest winner, Peter Yom of San
Jose, CA.
Prediction:
Storm and Morley narrowly escape losing the tag titles and
some lucky reader experiences the simultaneous Rosa/Garcia
nut shot. Everyone else laughs sympathetically.
Sort of.
Chris
Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
Young Chris Jericho idolized young Shawn Michaels and now
years later they are set to kill each other at WrestleMania.
Honestly,
that's the way the world should be.
Michaels
has a rich WrestleMania history and will give it his all since
it may be his last appearance. Jericho can usually rise to
the occasion and should do so given that he is wrestling an
all time great. Even my wife predicted that this will be an
awesome match and I don't think it has yet even been confirmed
that Shawn will wrestle shirtless.
Prediction:
Shawn should lose for all the logical reasons. He's at the
end of his career and should be putting over younger wrestlers.
Still, my gut says he'll win. In my mind, he'll always be
the sly, cocky, backstage politics abusing Shawn Michaels
of old.
Jazz
vs. Victoria vs. Trish Stratus - Hot 3 Way Action
Women's Title
Once you get past the image of a hot 3-way with these three
babes (well, 2 ½ babes) the reality is it's just another women's
title match. Trish has been chasing the championship for months
now and will probably get it here.
Look
for the match late in the card to break up the multiple main
events.
Prediction:
Trish wins.
Vince
McMahon vs. Hulk Hogan
Finally a match that lives up to its hype. Hogan vs. McMahon
is a match "20 years in the making."
The thing
that tickles me both about it is that in the promos leading
up to the match, McMahon has done nothing but tell the truth.
Hogan is a political backstabber who is only interested in
his own gain and the success of his friends. Hogan did leave
the WWF, join WCW and do everything he could to put Vince
out of business. Hogan did testify against McMahon during
McMahon's steroid trial.
Despite
all of it, McMahon is the heel and Hogan is the leathery lovable
Rip Torn that fans love to cheer.
The match
itself will be a cookie cutter Hogan match with McMahon getting
in plenty of offense. It will be just as spectacular as Hogan
vs. (Insert any name other than Andre or Macho Man here).
Prediction:
Most experts are saying that McMahon's ego will book him to
win on Sunday but Vince is no dummy. He knows that WrestleMania
is where the good guys win and the villains get their comeuppance.
Hogan wins.
Booker
T vs. Triple H
Raw World Title
Booker must win! Booker has to win!
Booker
will lose like everyone else Triple H must defeat in order
to retain his top level position with the company.
As the
only heel to ever win the main event at WrestleMania I just
don't see Triple H letting himself get beaten in an undercard
match to Booker T.
Booker
has everything working against him here. He got the pin fall
on Triple H on Monday night which usually means a loss the
following Sunday. Triple H has done nothing to push booker
in his promos and had gone out of his way to degrade him.
The only
way Booker can win is if Triple H has one of his "I'll show
everyone what a team player I am by letting him beat me" moments
which will be followed by a Triple H vs. Booker T squash match
in the near future.
Prediction:
By a nose, Triple H.
Rock
vs. Stone Cold
I'll give the writers credit on this one. They have done everything
they can to breathe new life into this old feud, except writing
new material. Drive a truck to the ring? Seen it. Smash The
Rock's guitar? Seen it. Rock gives Stone Cold a Stunner? Seen
it.
The Rock
has never beaten Stone Cold at WrestleMania. OH MY!
What an interesting plot twist.
Yawn.
The Rock
has been entertaining since his return, unlike the Same Old
Steve Austin. With rumors of A) The Rock leaving the WWE after
this match and B) The Rock moving into a feud with Goldberg,
I just don't see any reason to have him win.
Winner:
Stone Cold.
Kurt
Angle vs. Brock Lesnar
Smackdown World Title
And finally the match that everyone is looking forward to
with equal anticipation and dread.
Kurt Angle
is injured and needs surgery and a year's worth of recovery
to properly heal. Two weeks ago this match was canceled because
doctors warned Kurt that he could cripple himself by continuing
to wrestle. Regardless, Kurt insisted he have this match because
the show must go on.
Wait,
wasn't this the plotline to one of the Rocky movies? Or at
least WrestleMania XIV?
It's
a storyline so good, it seems scripted and yet most fans are
really just hoping that Kurt is able to walk away in the end.
Prediction:
Great match with a ton of "Oh My God, Kurt is dead" moves.
Lesnar wins the title. Duh.
All in
all WrestleMania will be the best PPV the WWE puts on all
year. It has some good storylines, intriguing match-ups and
a very talented roster. Too bad only a handful of wrestling
critics and hardcore fans will see it.
|
