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Your candy ass is next.

Chairshots
3-08-02

Smackdown Thoughts
Dear WWF,
My name is Michael Goodson and I write a little column called Chairshots on Fanboyplanet.com. I have been a long time fan (over 20 years and growing!) so I consider myself somewhat of an expert on your product. I feel you are in a rut recently and I'd like to offer some constructive criticism. Let's examine your live broadcast of Smackdown last night.

I really like the way you have built up The Undertaker vs. Flair. It's good booking for these two legends and it makes me wish you'd put this much effort in to all the feuds. However, there were two minor points of illogic last night that I'd like to point out. #1 Why did Flair have to wait for Undertaker to accept the Wrestlemania match? Flair is the "owner" and can make whatever match he wants. #2 "Real life" cops getting involved in wrestling angles is cliché and totally breaks the suspension if disbelief. It's so…Russo.

Stephanie gets more television time than any other WWF personality. She is also the head of the writing staff. Can you figure out why one might lead to the other? I don't mind if the boss' daughter has a job with Daddy's company as long as she only has one. Have you noticed how much Stephanie is overshadowing Jericho in his feud with Triple H? Remember, fans want to spend money to see Triple H fight Jericho, not Stephanie. Then again if Stephanie gives Triple H half of their dog as payback for him giving her half of her Corvette, then I will totally forgive everything.

A note for your costumer: Scott Hall was wearing trunks last night with "Cliq" written across the back. Was this a joke? I realize that Smackdown was live from San Antonio, the home of Cliq member Shawn Michaels, but unless Shawn was going to make an appearance, Hall should have been wearing NWO trunks. The NWO angle has yet to be the ratings bonanza you'd hoped it would. Could it be because everyone is just kind of half ass-ing it?

Do more ringside interviews. I like them. It gives a chance for wrestlers to be heard and provides nice follow up to things we've just seen.

Please fire Goldust. In all honesty you are wasting your money and valuable television time on him. As fans, we liked seeing Goldust again, but Memory Lane is a dead end street. Nice touch with the gold weapons in his hardcore match, but that's been the only amusing thing he's done since his return.

I'd like Vince McMahon to have a conversation with the NWO backstage on television. Vince brought in the NWO to "destroy" the WWF. When WCW and ECW invaded the WWF, all the WWF wrestlers took sides and fought them off. Since they haven't done that it shows that no one is taking the NWO seriously. I need Vince McMahon to say that the first step in the NWO's plan is to take out the top stars. It gives focus to their mission and explains why the undercard wrestlers aren't getting involved.

Can I book Tajiri? Please? Cause you're really f**king it up. If you let me do it, I'll never complain about the WWF booking again and I'll stop sending Vince McMahon flowers on Father's Day.

Big time main event boxing matches often have subtitles like "Rumble in the Jungle." The main event on Smackdown last night between Jericho and Kane should have been subtitled "Waiting for the Run In." Fans knew it would either be Kurt Angle to attack Kane or Triple H to attack Jericho. You are so crafty by having them both run in.

It's good to have the Rock back. His promos are awesome and his presence can really carry a show. Based on Rock's new catchphrase, can I safely predict a main event match for Wrestlemania XX-3 of Goldberg (Who's Next?) versus Rock (Your Candy Ass is Next!)? That's a hot feud in the making.

How long can you keep Hogan and Nash out of the ring? You're afraid that as soon as we see these old timers in the ring any fan interest they have will be gone. You're right. Keep milking it.

OXOXOX,

Michael Goodson

Ratings

The 3/4/02 edition of Raw was down 0.2 from last week to 4.5. The WWF is not really building a ton of momentum going into Wrestlemania. The 4.5 rating is also actually 0.1 down from what Raw averaged in January, before the NWO returned.

The "overnight rating" for last night's Smackdown was 5.6. That's way up from last week's 5.3 overnight rating. Smackdown finished third place for the night, ahead of ABC, which drew a 5.5 rating for "Whose Line is is Anyway?" and "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." See, it's not all bad news.

The 2/28 Tough Enough casting special on MTV scored a 1.6 cable rating. It was the highest rated show on MTV that day but far below the rating that WWF wanted, which was said to be at least a 2.0.

The 3/3/02 Excess scored a tepid 0.7 cable rating.

Sunday Night Heat scored a 1.5 cable rating. The Heat replay did a 0.9.

Pro-Wrestling Hall of Fame Inductees
The Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame, betcha didn't even know there was one, will be inducting new members on May 4th. Should you wish to attend, here is the list of events you'll have to look forward to on Saturday, May 4th:
*Memorabilia show at the Schenectady, NY Ramada Inn.
*Golf Tournament
*Dinner/meet and greet session
*Sunday afternoon, May 5th
*Induction ceremony
PIONEER ERA: Frank Gotch, Ed "The Strangler" Lewis, Lou Thesz, Joe Stretcher, Jim Londos, George Hackenschmidt
TV ERA: Gorgeous George, Bruno Sammartino, Buddy Rogers MANIA ERA: Andre The Giant, Ricky Steamboat
LADY WRESTLER: Mildred Burke (who?)
MIDGET WRESTLER: Sky Low Low
The cost for the memorabilia show is $5. The golf outing is $85. Dinner tickets are $50, and tickets to the actual induction are $15 for adults and $10 for seniors and children 12 and under. Check out http://www.pwhf.org for more information.

Quickies

From the gossip pages: Steve Austin and Vince McMahon apparently had a public disagreement backstage at RAW this past Monday. The disagreement, which became very "animated," apparently had to do with how an angle was set to go. Word is that Steve Austin got his way in the end.

E! will be showing highlights from WWF superstars appearances on The Howard Stern Show this Friday. The episode will feature various clips from WWF wrestler/personality appearances on the show. It airs this Friday at 11PM ET on the E! Network.

TNN has an hour long WWF special slated to air on 3/12 at 9 p.m. The show is called "WWF Flashback: The Best of WrestleMania". The promo for the show advertises "Highlights and insights on classic matches from previous WrestleMania events."

This Wednesday on UPN, the WWF presents an hour long WWF Divas special titled "Sex on the Beach." No actual sex will be shown, but I'm sure it will provide motivation for you to have sex with or without another person or a beach.

The WWF's new announcer, Marc Loyd, is scheduled to debut this Monday on RAW. Loyd will interview wrestlers backstage in a role like that of Jonathon Coachman.

In a recent article on February sweeps by Variety, Hulk Hogan's return is credited to increased Smackdown ratings. (coughbulls***cough)

A number of readers pointed out that Steve Austin had the wrong knee taped on Raw this Monday. Austin's right knee was hit with the "cinder block" last week, but Austin had his bandages on the left knee. To quote William Shatner, "get a life, people!" Actually that is a bad mistake and shame on me for not noticing it.

World Wrestling Federation stock hit a 52-week high Wednesday, closing at $15.75 per share. It opened at $14.75. The previous 52-week high was $15.50 and the previous low over the last year was $10.31.

Vince McMahon will be the guest on WWF Byte This today starting at 4PM ET on WWF.com. You can call the show at 1-888-LIVEWWF or email them at bytethis@wwf.com. If you get on, please ask him to hire me and let him know I love him.

That's it for today. See you on Monday with part two of Book It (read part one if you haven't already) and then again on Tuesday.

Michael Goodson