Every Tuesday and Friday we give you the scoop on what's happening in and out of the wrestling ring. Somedays it's even funny!

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Chairshots
2-12-02

Raw Thoughts
Traditionally the last Monday before a pay-per-view is spent hyping the matches on the pay-per-view so that fans will want to buy it. Instead, Raw seemed to spend more time last night hyping Wrestlemania matches rather than No Way Out. Vince McMahon proclaimed that this was the last Raw before the NWO arrive.

Based on the show, I take back all the things I said about the NWO being bad for business. The WWF needs something new and fresh to revitalize it. Raw was a horrible wrestling show, but a pretty good edition of Jerry Springer. So, I'll break down the major happenings of Raw as if they were actual episodes of Jerry Springer.

You Lied About Our Baby and Now I Want a Divorce, Bitch!
Seven days was how long it took the WWF to end the fan-jeered Stephanie Pregnancy angle. She lied about the whole thing? What a shocker!

Since no one came out to proclaim that they were the real father, I guess this means that Triple H and Jericho will be winning their matches on Sunday. Stephanie will join forces with Jericho and the main event for Wrestlemania will be Triple H vs. Jericho with Triple H winning. See, predictable booking just made it so that you don't have to watch the WWF until March and now you can catch up on Ally McBeal. Wasn't that thoughtful? I also found it odd that we learned what was on the video tape at the same time Triple H did. Wouldn't it have been better if as Triple H played the tape, Raw went to commercial? Then rather than having those wedding singers (who sang that song for over 3 minutes for God only knows what reason) Triple H shows Stephanie, Vince and the world the tape on the Titan Tron (because McMahons do everything on TV, Triple H justifies.) Then you do the whole big dysfunctional ending. In the words of DX, "who booked this crap?"

I Have a Man Crush on Your Sweet Ass!
I'm a little confused as to the whole Goldust/Rob Van Dam feud. Goldust announces last Monday that the guy he's been stalking since Royal Rumble is Rob Van Dam. Three days later on Smackdown RVD wrestles and Goldust makes no follow up appearance. Last night RVD attacks Goldust during his match and later Goldust challenges RVD to a match at No Way Out.

My question is: why? No Way Out is five days away and we've been given no explanation about why these two hate each other. Why should anyone give a crap about these two guys fighting when Goldust loses matches faster than my Grandfather breaks wind and no back story has been given? I'm holding out hope that the WWF is trying to build this feud for Wrestlemania (and doing a strange job of doing it) rather than RVD pins Goldust in five days and case closed.

I'm an Alcoholic Redneck with a Speech Impediment!
Jim Ross made a comment during the Austin vs. Undertaker match (how many have they had now?) that Austin was the most obsessed person in the WWF when it comes to holding the WWF championship belt. Stop me if you've heard this one, but why? Triple H is all about being the best in the business, so of course he wants the championship. Undertaker wants respect so he wants the belt. Rock is the people's champ and Kurt Angle wants gold. All logical reasons for wanting the championship. So why does a beer drinking redneck give a rat's ass about being the WWF champion? Shouldn't he just run around beating people up? Is Austin vain or does he have self esteem issues? Having Austin care about being the champ betrays his core character of a guy that just wants to drink and beat people up. Oh, and that "what?" thing is annoying.

You Dress Like a Two Bit Ho!
I'm not usually one to complain about gratuitous T&A on WWF television, but when I heard Torrie and Stacy were going to have a bikini match on Raw, I thought, "again?" They've never actually had a bikini match, but I think they have run the gamut of every other skin exposing match. Either cycle new women into the T&A matches or start showing me something that would earn an R-rating. On an unrelated note, I give a ton of credit to Stacy Keibler for having been in the WWF for quite a while now and not getting a boob job. I like 'em just the way they are, baby.

You are a Cheating Bastard in a Singlet!
Semi-frequent Fanboy Reporter Jordan Rosa will back me up on this one: when did Mr. Perfect have to start cheating to win at Chess? The thing about Mr. Perfect, and you may have picked this clue up from his name, is that he does everything perfectly. Does this mean he was cheating in all those old vignettes where he was making three point shots and hitting the bullseyes in darts? I feel sad now.

The White Man is Keeping Me Down!
Where was Maven? He had a big win on Smackdown over the Undertaker for the Hardcore belt and is nowhere to be seen on Raw. If the WWF doesn't follow up on the little angles, why should we care about them?

Overall, it was a pretty dull/predictable show that did nothing to sell the upcoming PPV or get anyone over with the fans. In fact, I'd have to say that the best moment of the night was when that fan laughed really hard after Triple H said "you love your wife more when she's pregnant." The WWF is nowhere near as bad as WCW was during their final year, but it moves a little closer every week.

Kevin Nash Sues WCW
Now that he's done collecting the remaining money from his fat WCW contract, Kevin Nash is suing his former company. Nash filed suit last week claiming that WCW, now known as Universal Wrestling Corporation, has never paid him fully for the use of his name, image and persona. This includes his contribution to the NWO, Outsiders and Wolf Pac. He also claims he's not the only wrestler that is due royalties. WCW "engaged in a systematic pattern and practice designed to avoid paying the professional wrestlers millions of dollars in royalties" for merchandising and licensing activities, the complaint said. WCW allegedly agreed to pay Nash a percentage of revenues it received from the use of any intellectual property associated with his character. That percentage varies from wrestler to wrestler, "depending on how popular the wrestler is." WCW also generates considerable proceeds from video games associated with a wrestler.

The suit accuses WCW of refusing to pay royalties, underpaying them, delaying payment for years, and refusing to furnish records that would allow wrestlers to determine what percentages they were owed. "WCW has been able to divert wrongfully to itself and its affiliates millions of dollars in royalties each year that rightfully belong to the professional wrestlers, including Kevin Nash." Someone owing me millions of dollars in addition to the fat contract the WWF is paying me is the kind of problem I dream about having.

Ratings
Smackdown finished with 4.1 broadcast rating (with a six share) for this week's show. That paced UPN to a fourth place finish. This week's show is up from last week's 3.9 rating.

Hall and Nash in Training
Scott Hall and Kevin Nash have been sent down to the WWF's developmental territory (HWA) to prepare for their return to the WWF starting Sunday. They worked out in the ring yesterday and should do so again today. Critics hope that each man learns a new wrestling move, but remain skeptical.

Sting Confirms Retirement
Ted DiBiase's newsletter "Get a Grip" had an recent interview with Sting in which he discussed his retirement. "I'm in retirement, and I think I'm going to stay retired." These were his first public comments regarding his status since Nitro was cancelled and WCW sold to the WWF. He goes on to say that it would take an awful lot to get him out of retirement and that at this point in his life he feels that God is calling him in another direction somehow or another. Sting, a 40-year-old Born Again Christian, says, "It's too raunchy. You know, I couldn't even figure out a place to plug myself in." I totally disagree. I think Undertaker and Sting could form a team where they go around crucifying people for their sins. That would get totally over with the fans. Sting remains under contract to AOL Time Warner, earning seven-figures annually on his soon expiring WCW contract.

Rock Takes A Week Off
The Undertaker's tombstone on the roof of a car to Rock last week on Smackdown not only added to their feud, but it gave The Rock a much needed week off. Rock has been re-shooting scenes for "Scorpion King" on his days off from wrestling. Those days can last 14 hours or longer. He simply needed a break. He was to wrestle this Sunday and probably make an appearance at Smackdown this week. Rock has also asked for time off right before Wrestlemania.

No Benoit at Wrestlemania
Speaking of Wrestlemania, Chris Benoit stated in a recent interview with The Law that he will not be able to wrestle at WrestleMania. The WWF was hoping to have Benoit make his return on the show, but he is still recovering from his neck injury. Whether he will be involved at WrestleMania in a non-wrestling role or at Fan Axxess remains to be seen.

Will There Be Any Good Actors?
Finally, I reported last week that Arnold Schwarzegger may be interested in having Chyna in the upcoming "Terminator 3" movie. Rumors also surfaced this week that Scott Steiner is up for a role. Filming begins in April and the movie will bomb sometime in 2003.

That's it for today. Join me again on Friday.

Michael Goodson