Every Tuesday and Friday we give you the scoop on what's happening in and out of the wrestling ring. Somedays it's even funny!

Form of...a wiener dog!

Chairshots
2-8-02
Check out more wrestling and pics here

Smackdown Thoughts
Excerpts from last week's Book It about Maven:

...the hardcore style matches don't usually require a lot of mat wrestling, so it can cover up any weaknesses in Maven's wrestling skill...Undertaker pretty much has his way with Maven for the entire match. Maven is the victim of so many brutal looking spots (Last Ride off the stage, Tombstone on concrete, wicked chairshots, etc...) that for a while it looks like a Cactus Jack match gone wrong. Maven gets in a few shots but they only seem to make the Undertaker madder. Right before the Undertaker can pin Maven, The Hardy Boyz, Lita, Scotty Too Hotty and all the other mid-card wrestlers that the Undertaker has destroyed recently rush to ringside with bats and begin to treat Undertaker like an eight year old treats a piñata. They leave Undertaker out cold, put a near death Maven on top of him, 1, 2, 3 and Maven gets the win."

Ok, so instead of the mid-card wrestlers jumping Undertaker, it was the Rock and instead of having a logical and well thought out build up the WWF just put the end match together, but none the less my Book It from last week came true on Smackdown (pats self on back). I still think my booking would have done more to get Maven over with the fans. (Maven didn't even get to speak during his pre-match promo!) And while Rock costing Undertaker the belt does fuel their feud, lightweight wrestlers with bats is funnier.

Aside from that satisfaction, Smackdown was enjoyable. More than anything, I enjoyed the handicap main event. We're so used to seeing the underdog win in a handicap match that it was nice to see Triple H lose. We got a week's worth of T&A from the Torrie and Stacy pose down against Chuck and Billy. I was particularly glad when Stacy remembered that she hates Torrie (after they teased some sexual tension). I will throw out this question but I don't really care about the answer: How did that segment benefit Chuck and Billy other than to beat us over the head that they are gay?

Short rant here, but Smackdown did hit on one of my big pet peeves. For the 6 man match each wrestler entered with their own music and walked to the ring. For 6 guys, ring entrances alone took over 3 minutes. For the Undertaker vs. Maven match the ring entrance time for both men collectively was 2 ½ minutes (most of that was Undertaker).

For just two matches there were almost 6 minutes of ring entrances; ring entrances I've seen before! It's one thing for the main event guys to get a big entrance, but do Edge, Rikishi and Rob Van Dam all need separate ring entrances when they are a team? The WWF could have trimmed the ring entrance time for everyone and added another match to the show. On the flip side, kudos for not playing Triple H's music when he went to the ring to kick the snot out of Kurt Angle. It was more effective that way.

Booker T continues to get no respect in the WWF as he's basically just jobber to the stars now. Goldust was no where to be seen after revealing his surprise stalking of RVD on Monday. Steve Austin killed two birds with one stone by beating up Jericho and promoting his upcoming appearance on MadTV. Lastly, Steph and Triple H continued to ride the baby train straight to Crapville. I hope this whole story line ends on Monday.

Scott Steiner
In potentially big news, Scott Steiner passed a WWF requested physical this week. Steiner is being advertised to appear on the February 24th WWA PPV but has not signed anything with the WWA. Steiner has long said that once he was healthy enough to wrestle, he would join the WWF. There is a very real possibility that the WWF will offer him a contract before 2/24. Steiner would fit right in to the WWF right now as he is a former NWO member.

WWF/DirecTV Deal
The WWF has reached a deal with DirecTV that will once again make the WWF monthly PPV events available on DirecTV to its approximately 11 million customers. The deal will begin with the February 17 No Way Out event. No more details on the deal are available at this time, but expect a press release in the next few days.

Scott Hall Rumors
Who had 24 hours in the pool? Less than 24 hours back in the WWF and rumors of the backstage antics of Scott Hall are already swirling. Take all of these with a shaker of salt, but Scott was reported to have rubbed a number of wrestlers the wrong way when he was backstage at the Smackdown tapings on Tuesday. Though he was probably well-intentioned, Hall reportedly made a number of comments that wrestlers found insulting. WWF management is also keeping a close eye on how much partying Hall is doing back at the hotel because of his history of substance abuse. Again, this is all rumor, but it's not a very difficult to believe rumor.

Undertaker & Kane: Crime Fighting Wrestlers
On February 16, Fox's "America's Most Wanted: America Fights Back" will feature a special WWF edition. No, it has nothing to do with Scott Hall. "WWF wrestlers Kane and the Undertaker join efforts to catch a fugitive who killed one fan and paralyzed another" says one TV Guide preview. Another says, "WWF stars Kane and the Undertaker assist in the hunt for a man wanted for the stabbing of a young WWF fan and the murder of his father". The show airs at 9pm that night. Also look for Triple H to reprise the role of Perry Mason in an upcoming TV movie of the week. Guest appearance by Stephanie McMahon as Jessica Fletcher.

Weakest Link
WWF wrestlers taped another appearance of The Weakest Link this week. The contestants this time around were: Edge, Debra, Terri (with kung fu grip nipples), Stone Cold Steve Austin, Jerry "The King" Lawler, Kane (who wore his Kane outfit while everyone else wore street clothes), D-Von and Bubba Ray Dudley. If you don't want to know the results, skip to the next section about Stacy Keibler.

Ok, now that those losers are gone…The wrestlers were eliminated in the following order: Edge, D-Von Dudley, Debra, Terri, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Jerry "The King" Lawler. The final two were Bubba Ray Dudley and Kane, who got the win. Kane won $83,500 for charity. Bubba was the strongest link in the first four rounds which is the first time anyone has ever said that about a guy named Bubba. Other funny things that happened were Steve admitted to the host that Debra was his wife. Later Bubba said that D-Von was his wife. Debra and Terri both admitted to having fake boobs. Lawler wasn't sure if he is married or not. Stone Cold missed a question as to who sang "Wind Beneath My Wings." Kane missed a question as to what chemical dentists use to numb the mouth (funny only to wrestling fans that remember that before the Kane gimmick Glen Jacobs used to be know as Isaac Yankem, DDS). Chris Jericho was originally scheduled to be on the show, but he had another engagement so Kane filled in for him and ended up winning. On the positive side, unlike Booker T from the last WWF appearance, everyone seemed to remember that Thanksgiving is in November. Episode airs on March 10th.

Stacy, Call Me
Stacy Keibler was on the Howard Stern show yesterday for the "Win a Date with Stacy Keibler" contest. Possible contestants were a 56 year old fat guy, a guy with a girlfriend and at least one kid (the only one who knew Keibler.) Stacy chose the third guy, they played blackjack, he lost and Stacy doesn't have to date him. Seriously, Stacy, call me. My wife said it's okay if we date.

Ratings
This week's edition of Raw scored a 4.5 cable rating off of hours of 4.4 and 4.6. That is the same rating that the show scored last week.

K-Kwick Speaks!
Ordinarily I think K-Kwick is kind of a joke, but I read an interview that was conducted with him a few days ago and it surprised me. First, I didn't know he had been released from the WWF. I assumed he was just never on television like a lot of other WWF wrestlers. Here are some highlights from the interview:

He's currently taking indy bookings. He's also one song away from having his album done. (yawn)

He never received an explanation from the WWF about why he was released. He's tried contacting Jim Ross and some other people in the talent department but they never called him back.

He is really into his rap career but he doesn't want to quit wrestling. He says that is what got his rap career a start and he doesn't want to let down the fans down that have followed him since he was in the WWF. (Are there K-Kwick fans out there?)

He was brought into the WWF by Terry Taylor (which could be why he was let go since Taylor is no longer in the WWF).

He's talked to Jeremy Borash about possibly working for the WWA in the future.

E-mail quickbookings@aol.com if you want to book him for any indy appearances. (Birthday parties, weddings, etc…anything other than wrestling.)

K-Kwick says goodbye and Rod talks about the first time he did a spin wheel kick. Compares his athleticism to Van Dam.(coughBull****cough)

That seemed a lot more interesting when I was drunk.

Schwarzegger wants Chyna
According to the Cinema Confidential website Arnold Schwarzegger said that he would like Chyna to have a role in his new Terminator 3 movie. Arnold intimated that no casting decisions have been made yet. Shooting begins on April 15.

Salon.com has a quote from the man himself. When asked to respond to the rumor that Chyna was being considered for the female Terminator, Arnold said this, "Well, this is a very interesting question. Do you go with a woman that is petite, that is young, that looks innocent, that looks like an ordinary beautiful girl? Then it creates a certain drama when she walks innocently up to a woman on Rodeo Drive and says, "Nice scarf!" [Sound of neck snapping.] Or should it be Chyna? A woman where you see her and you know, right away, oh, this is the female Terminator, and you know what to expect after that: dead bodies flying around everywhere. I don't know what the answer is, but that is the big debate. I do know this about Chyna: She has been on the cover twice of Playboy magazine. I've never seen anyone be twice on the cover. She must have special powers! "

If Maria Shriver turns up dead from an apparent weightlifting accident in a few months, remember that I predicted it here first.

UFC Lands Weekly TV Deal
This isn't really wrestling news, but FanboyPlanet reporter Matt Sedore will enjoy it. Ultimate Fighting Championship, once again regaining a place of prominence on the US PPV front, is expanding into weekly TV. But only in the UK (sorry, Matt). The UFC will produce a half-year of hour-long episodes for Sky Sports. The shows will air Thursday nights at 11pm, and will consist of taped fights.

Book It
When the WWF made its comeback in 1998-1999 after getting hammered for over a year in the ratings by WCW, one of the things it had going for it was a strong undercard. Both companies had entertaining main storylines (WWF more than WCW), but WCW paid little attention to its undercard. They were content to just throw a couple luchadores in the ring and let them fight for no reason. WCW also lacked a strong tag division, which WWF was excelling at. Teams such as the New Age Outlaws, The Hardys, The Dudleys, APA, Too Cool, the Oddities and Legion of Doom (aka Road Warriors) were all battling for the coveted tag titles while we waited for the next chapter in the DX or Austin vs. McMahon sagas.

The WWF has a rich tag team history with more legendary tag teams than any other federation. I asked readers to email me on Tuesday a short list of their favorite tag teams. The most common answers were Hart Foundation, The Rockers, British Bulldogs, Killer Bees, Bushwackers, Steiners, Road Warriors, New Age Outlaws, The Dudleys, Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard and one odd vote for Strike Force (Tito Santana and Rick Martel.)

Looking at the list above two things stand out. First, they all have catchy names. Teams with catchy names seem to be more memorable to fans. No one voted for Hogan & Beefcake, Mankind & Undertaker, Owen Hart & Yokozuna or current champs Tazz & Spike despite the fact that all those wrestlers are very popular. Even outside of wrestling, the Wonder Twins are more well known than Wendy and Marivn. Only Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard made the favorites list, but both were members of the Four Horsemen, a name so catchy it's in The Bible. Edge and Christian also got votes, but I'm ignoring them to make a point. It's my column, I can do that.

The other thing I notice about the list of favorite tag teams is that for the most part, the duo spent most of their careers together without breaking into singles stars. What is Hawk without Animal? The British Bulldog without Davey Boy Smith was never as good. Who would get Bubba Ray Dudley the tables if D-Von weren't there? Billy Gunn without Road Dogg is just...gay. There are exceptions of course. Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Scott Steiner all made it to the main event, but Jim Neidhart, Marty Jannetty and Rick Steiner plunged to the depths of wrestler popularity without their partners.

History has shown us that a successful tag team needs a catchy name and the duo should work as a cohesive unit rather than two wrestlers just randomly thrown together. Knowing that, we look to today's currently barren WWF tag team roster and only The Dudleys and Chuck and Billy fit that mold. (I count Chuck and Billy as a catchy name.)

The Dudleys' act has gotten more stale than a bag of croutons and Chuck and Billy are literally and figuratively gay. You could count the Hardys, but they fall into the same boat as the Dudleys and the attempt at splitting the duo failed.

The current WWF tag champs Tazz and Spike seem to have been paired up for no other reason than their petite size and roots in ECW. Big Show hasn't been able to retain a tag partner for more than a month (Tajiri, Spike, Kane, etc...) Other teams spit out by the random tag team generator include Hurricane & Lance Storm, Scotty Too Hotty & Albert, Booker T and Test.

If the WWF wants to regain its lost viewers, they need to not only spark interest with a strong main story line (NWO) but also reinforce that storyline with a solid undercard. So, breaking out of the usual Book It formula, here are some quick and easy ideas for tag teams that would have a shot at working in the WWF, using some much underutilized or mismanaged talent.

Booker T, Stevie Ray & Jazz- Harlem Heat
When Harlem Heat was a tag team back in WCW, they were one of the best. You could tell however that Booker T was on the verge of being a breakout singles star. However, since he split from his brother, he's yet to really prove to anyone that he's Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels material. It's time for the WWF to sign Booker's brother Stevie Ray and reform Harlem Heat. They would fit right in to the tag title race and it would give Booker some much needed credibility in the WWF before his next big singles push. I'd add Jazz to the mix because it sets up a number of 6 man tag match opportunities and her presence at ringside during matches is an easy way to add heel heat.

Scotty Too Hotty & Rikishi - Too Cool
Rikishi was part of the Too Cool posse before Grand Master Sexy was fired. Since both guys are one trick ponies (Worm, Stinkface), you might as well stick them together rather than spreading them out over a show. Not really tag team champ material, but they are fun together. Certainly more fun than watching a singles match with either guy.

Rey Mysterio Jr. & Esse Rios - I can't think a name that won't offend people
Here's two guys not currently in the WWF but that would make an incredible high flying team. Rios was just let go by the WWF because he had language problems but Rey Mysterio speaks both English and Spanish so he could communicate for the both of them. These two against the Hardys could be the match of the year if done right. Rumors of Mysterio joining the WWF have been going on since the demise of WCW.

Bull Buchanan & Albert w/ Ivory - Armageddon
There are certain wrestlers that will never get over with the WWF fans no matter how hard the WWF tries. Fans see the wrestler and just know that several minutes of suck will follow. Bull Buchanan & Albert are two of those wrestlers. My solution? Masks. There hasn't been a masked tag team in the WWF since Edge and Christian disguised themselves as Los Conquistadors, which was a joke more than anything. Buchanan & Albert are two big men with fair wrestling skills similar to Road Warriors, APA and Demolition. Put them in scary masks, have them destroy opponents with big power moves and they might have a shot at getting over.

I added Ivory to the team because she can wrestle if need be but she's also pretty good on the microphone. Buchanan & Albert should let Ivory do the talking for them. Ivory is also the only hot woman in the WWF that can get fans to boo her. Bossman falls into the same category as Buchanan & Albert and I always loved the Demolition gimmick of you never know which two members were going to wrestle a match. He can join the team as long as no one ever knows it's him.

Lance Storm & Justin Credible - Impact Players
ECW fans will know right away that Storm and Credible were the Impact Players in ECW, but since neither man has had any success in the WWF, they might as well reunite them and throw them into the tag team ring. Maybe lightning can strike twice for them.

Raven & Perry Saturn - The Flock
Again, these two were a tag team in ECW and WCW, but like Storm and Credible they haven't really made a mark in WWF. Plus Saturn and Raven just seem to naturally go together like peanut butter and chocolate.

Crash and Hardcore Holly - The Hollys
More recycling of old teams, but these two were actually a hit in the WWF. Their "Super Heavyweight" gimmick was pretty funny a few years ago and they just kind of drifted apart. They could reunite and hang in a fight with any of the other teams.

Undertaker & Kane - Brothers of Destruction
This is a rare case where two guys that are both singles stars seem to also make a logical tag team. They have been tag champions before and they were very popular with the fans. The only problem is that they are both such huge wrestlers that it was very difficult for fans to believe that smaller teams had a chance at legitimately beating them.

However, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall are both returning to the WWF and an Outsiders vs. Kane & Undertaker feud could be a lot of fun to watch. With Undertaker, Kane and Kevin Nash all around the 7 foot mark, it's very easy to think of Scott Hall as the little guy. Harlem Heat could also be added to this mix and I'd believe any of them as credible champs.

With all the new viable teams, maybe the increase in competition would force the Dudleys to add new life to their act. Then they are right back at the top to the WWF and the WWF has something more entertaining than a Chuck and Billy pose down to show us. Oh, can we dare to dream such entertainment is possible...?

Since I know I'll get letters from people who thought I was serious, that part about Triple H starring as Perry Mason was a joke. That's it for me today. Back next Tuesday.

Michael Goodson