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LALALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU...

Chairshots
01-29-02

No Chairshots last Friday because, well, I just got lazy. You'll get no cheap excuses from me. I just didn't do it. Everyone just yell "YOU SUCK" at your monitor and we'll move on. Here is some of last week's news and my Smackdown review mixed with this weeks news in an effort to make it up to you.

Smackdown Thoughts
If I were the kind of guy that read spoilers, I would have been pretty pissed off before Smackdown due to the forehand knowledge of Vince McMahon's announcement. Fortunately, by the time Vince announced the impending return of the NWO at the end of Smackdown, I welcomed it.

The show started out fine enough with Rob Van Dam winning the Intercontinental championship from William "5 days champ" Regal. I didn't see that coming, so it was a good thing. But the rest of the show just didn't click for me. Last month, Bossman was in the main event, this month he jobs to Rikishi. Not that I'm complaining; I just don't see a need for him to be on my television when guys like Tajiri and Tommy Dreamer are sitting at home. I see where the WWF writers are going with the Triple H and Stephanie breakup and I'm all for it, but there has to be a more entertaining way to get there.

But my epiphany came during the middle of the show. Kane and Big Show had just been on. Booker T and Austin were wrestling and Rock vs. Angle was coming up. Then it hit me.

I've seen all of this before.

Kane vs. Big Show. Rock vs. Angle. Austin vs. Booker. Godfather. Val Venis. Goldust. Mr. Perfect. Big Bossman. I've seen all of this before.

And it all happened in the last five years. Has wrestling reached the point that there is nothing new or am I breaking WWF rule #1 (You are only allowed to remember what happened as far back as two pay per views)?

If you look at the main eventers right now, the only new cog in the machine is Chris Jericho. Every possible combination of Rock, Angle, Triple H, Austin and Undertaker has been played out. If you exclude Jericho, there is no new feud in the WWF.

Despite the fact that I have been saying for months that bringing back the NWO angle was a mistake for the WWF, I'm to the point where anything makes a refreshing change. I'm begging for Triple H vs. Hall. I'd eat Hogan vs. Austin on a platter. Rock vs. Nash is heaven to me. Anything is better than WWF reruns.

Of course, bringing Hall, Nash and Hogan back (if that's really who the NWO members will be) will be death for the smaller wrestlers and the guys on the under card. But the sad truth is that the WWF killed their under card during 2001. The tag team ranks are a wasteland and the writers have botched the careers of talented guys like Christian, Spike, Rob Van Dam, Tajiri, The Hardys, etc. with lame story lines or no story lines at all. Now all they can do is bring back guys that used to be popular and ride that into the ground.

If that's the way it has to be, then fine. It's not like I could stop it anyway. A lot of fans are big NWO fans. Hopefully, the WWF can make me forget about the so-called "glory days" (Hall stumbling to ringside with a beer, Hogan's run for President, Nash faking a heart attack so he wouldn't have to fight Big Show.) If the WWF can't make the NWO angle succeed, then that' s all right, too. I'm sure we will have forgotten it after two pay-per -views and they can try again in five years.

Raw Thoughts
Raw was a good follow up to last weeks Smackdown (review above.) Since the WWF is going balls out with the return of the NWO, the exchange between Vince McMahon and Ric Flair did a nice job of selling the NWO as a major threat. That's the kind of build up everyone should get before entering the WWF. Fans like myself have been saying that Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and Hulk Hogan would be a cancer in the WWF locker room. The WWF is at least acknowledging to the fans that they know that and are building on that prejudice.

The excellent "WWF tribute" video was very well done and also did a great job of reminding the fans what is at stake here. So far I like the build up to the NWO return a lot more than I liked the early parts of the WCW/ECW Invasion.

The rest of the show was good, but still had that same "been there, seen that" feeling I got from Smackdown. William Regal is playing the old school heel that I think I would be if I were a wrestler and wrestling were real. The best thing about the Kane vs. Big Show match was that it didn't last 20 minutes on a pay-per-view! On the other hand I had to watch Billy and Chuck stretch their groins. Is the WWF so hard up for ideas that they are looking at Vince Russo's old notes? Hasn't the ambiguously gay tag team gimmick been done to death yet?

I've said it before: Undertaker is the best heel in the WWF. Chris Jericho is doing a fantastic job as the "vulnerable champion" with his whiney character, but Undertaker is the only heel that comes off as a legitimate bad ass. His interview with Coach after destroying Maven was classic Undertaker. It looks as if Taker will be slowly moving into a feud with Rock (who was off last night for Scorpion King re-shoots) and I'm just fine and dandy with that.

Booker T got a win, although it was another tainted one. Someday he'll get a clean win and I may actually believe he is the serious main eventer the WWF is pushing him to be. Steve Austin and Chris Jericho will main event at No Way Out. No big surprise there. Most people still think Chris Jericho won't make it to Wrestlemania as the champ and the WWF is playing on that. Y'all know I'd rather see Jericho vs. Triple H at Wrestlemania than anything else, so no need to mention it again.

XFL: The Novel
A book dedicated to telling the behind the scenes story of Vince McMahon's XFL venture in 2000 and 2001 is scheduled for release in September. The book, titled "Long Bomb: The Inside Story of Vince McMahon, NBC, and the Belly Flop XFL" is already available for pre-order at Amazon.com. The book preview states: "The story of the hype-fueled launch and spectacular crash of the XFL, the now infamous professional football/reality TV show that became one of TV's all-time ratings disasters. Like Ken Auletta's 'Three Blind Mice,' 'Long Bomb' takes us deep inside the American media machine. From the perspective of the league's Las Vegas franchise, the Outlaws, author Brent Forrest tells the real, inside story of the XFL. And what he uncovers is an amazing tale of greed, moxie, high hopes, downright stupidity, and outlandish egos." Guess I'll add that one to my wish list.

Former WWFers
Rey Mysterio Jr. and Ken Shamrock (along with the stripper that played his sister in the WWF) are now available for booking on www.indybookings.com, a top site for independent talent. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Mysterio is asking for $1500 per appearance, while Shamrock is asking for $2500.

D-Lo Brown is expected to be called up to the WWF's main roster in March. He should resume an active role following the WWF's split. D-Lo has been training down in OVW, the WWF's developmental territory, for several months.

Kevin Nash: Big Money
The WWA apparently offered Kevin Nash a 2 year contract at a high salary. Nash seriously considered the offer but asked the WWA to put in an "escrow" in order to prove that they would actually be able to pay him. They did not do so which pushed Nash to accept the WWF's deal which is worth around $600,000-$700,000 per year.

Booker T's Rap Sheet
Booker T. stated on the Howard Stern show last week that he was arrested earlier in his life. TheSmokingGun.com reports that Booker was arrested in 1987 for armed robbery. He and three others were accused of robbing several Wendy's Restaurants. He was sentenced to 5 years in jail but served only 19 months. He was on parole until 1992 and to this day can't order a Biggie Fries without getting chills.

ESPN Covers Royal Rumble
There is a funny column by Bill Simmons over at ESPN.com. He basically gives his thoughts on the Royal Rumble in real time. It's funny (anyone that says Jazz looks like Don Cheadle in drag is funny) but he makes a lot of mistakes. He contradicts himself a number of times, is totally wrong about what's caused the downturn in wrestling, and seems to think that Jericho and Angle have flipped between heel and baby face a number of times in their WWF run (both entered as heels, flipped face and are now back to heels). Regardless, if you watched the Royal Rumble, it is worth reading.

E! Taps Out
E! has cancelled the planned "True Hollywood Story" episode that they were considering doing for Vince McMahon. No reason on why, just it ain't going to happen. This ruined my day.

I'll be back on Friday (even if the site isn't) with an all new Book It. See ya.

Michael Goodson