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Every Tuesday and Friday we give you the scoop on what's happening in and out of the wrestling ring. Somedays it's even funny!
Chairshots
Royal Rumble Thoughts
01-22-02
The Royal Rumble is a very hard pay per view to screw up from a writing stand point. The 30 man Rumble match itself is about an hour which means that even if everything that has come before it sucked, the Rumble match has enough time to make fans forget what they saw before. The 2002 Royal Rumble fell in to this category. Tazz and Spike retained their tag belts against the Dudleys in a match that was probably best suited for an episode of Raw. William Regal managed to steal the belt from Edge in a match that was best suited for the last pay per view (which it was). Trish retained her belt against Jazz in a match that was best suited for the Sunday Night Heat preshow. But the crappy under card was all forgiven with the final three matches.
Vince McMahon and Ric Flair showed that two 50+ guys can still put on an entertaining and bloody match. Nothing was on the line other than pride, but they still managed to pull out a match that was more entertaining than I would have predicted.
Chris Jericho cheated to beat The Rock in his Unified title defense. In all honesty, this was the smartest move the WWF writers could make. As I said on Friday, Jericho needs the belt and Rock doesn't. If the WWF is serious about pushing Jericho and making him the next big star, then he needed this win.
It doesn't matter if he cheated to do it because he's a heel and that's what heels do. But most people predicted that Jericho would lose this match to set up a Rock vs. Triple H main event for Wrestlemania. I say, been there, seen that. Now fans are saying that Jericho will drop the belt at the February pay per view, to Austin, but I have faith that the WWF will continue Jericho's push all the way to Wrestlemania.
Finally, to the surprise of no one, Triple H won the 2002 Royal Rumble and now gets a title shot at Wrestlemania. If you didn't see this coming up "Know Your Role Boulevard" then you haven't watched enough wrestling. Despite the predictability, the writers kept the Rumble match full of surprises including Mr. Perfect making it to the top 3, Maven eliminating Undertaker and the reunion of the Hardys and Lita.
However, Triple H's win was not quite decisive. After Maven shocked everyone by dropkicking Undertaker out of the ring, Taker kicked Maven's ass around the arena and left him for dead. Maven was never actually eliminated from the Royal Rumble. So, when Maven is ready for prime time, he's already got an angle to build off of. Nice touch, writing team.
So with a strong top three matches, the WWF was able to make me forget a miserable under card and make the 2002 Royal Rumble a success.
Raw Thoughts
Back in the old days of wrestling, after a pay per view, Monday night was mostly recap of the events with Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon. Fans would have at least a week of squash matches to watch while the announcers built up the potential repercussions of the pay per view outcome. Times have changed, however, and the WWF and all its superstars were back just 24 hours after Triple H and Chris Jericho won at the Rumble.Triple H and Chris Jericho set the tone for the next two months with their opening promo. They were able to build the importance of Wrestlemania while at the same time showing that Chirs Jericho is a vulnerable champ and he could lose the belt at any time.
From there, the show starting going down hill. Edge got a rematch against William Regal. Apparently Edge had a "one time rematch clause" in his contract. I hate to keep going back to the old days of wrestling, but back in the Hogan era, a champion got an automatic rematch after losing his title belt. Has there been a change to the rule book that no one informed me of or is my memory too good for the WWF's liking?
Val Venis and Mr. Perfect returned to Raw in an all too short match. I like Mr. Perfect and I'm happy to see him back, but when guys like Goldust, Godfather and Val Venis are getting television time I can't help but think about all those WCW/ECW guys that are sitting at home because the writers told them that there wasn't any thing for them this week. The WWF writing team is counting on residual popularity to keep the undercard fresh rather than write interesting storylines for its current roster.
Next, Stone Cold combines his "What?" catchphrase with the theme from the Beverly Hillbillies. The whole "What" thing has gone too far. Austin spends five minutes of air time telling the story of a poor mountaineer rather than wrestling or building a feud. I was so unentertained, that I managed to break in to the WWF computers and I found this excerpt from Smackdown's script.
Austin: "I've got another story to tell you"
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "Just sit right back and you will hear a tale."
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "A tale of a fateful trip."
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "It started from a tropic port,"
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "Aboard a tiny ship."
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "A tiny ship."
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "A boat."
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "A sea vessel."
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "A schooner."
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "The mate was a mighty sailing man."
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "The skipper brave and sure."
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "5 passengers set sail that day on a three hour tour"
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "180 minutes."
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "10,800 seconds."
Crowd: "What?"
Austin: "About the length of a football game."This is the best the WWF can do with Austin? How sad.
Goldust and Mr. Perfect Join WWF
Jim Ross stated in a recent interview with WWF.com that Goldust and Mr. Perfect "are going to stay with us and resume their World Wrestling Federation careers. So the Rumble was a one-time situation that we contracted for, but they're interested in staying, and we're very interested in them being with us. So unless something unforeseen occurs from a contractual standpoint, they're going to resume their Federation careers, and we will march forward."Dustin Rhodes, Goldust, left the WWF on shaky terms a few years ago for WCW. His wife, Terri Runnels, stayed with the WWF and is the current host on WWF Excess. Things between all parties must have worked themselves out since Dustin is coming back full time. WWF.com even reported that Terri was one of the big supporters of Dustin's return. Apparently she and Dustin have worked things out since their divorce largely due to their daughter Dakota. My question is, will Terri acknowledge Dustin's return since the last time we saw Goldust, he broke up with Terri live on the air?
Wrestlers Comment on Hall and Nash
Dallas Morning News has an interesting segment with Edge, Ric Flair and Booker T. they were all asked to comment on the possibility of Kevin Nash and Scott Hall returning to the WWF. Edge has never worked with Hall and Nash, but Booker T and Ric Flair were both prominent in WCW when Hall and Nash were running wild. Here is what each had to say:Edge - "(Being pushed back) enters your mind when you hear (about the three possibly signing)," Edge said. "But I've never been in a rush in this business. If you are, you're going to burn yourself out. If bringing in names helps spike ratings, that's fine with me. We all make more money. It just means I have to work that much harder." Ric Flair - "There are no negatives to bringing them in as long as they understand their position like I understood mine when I came in," Flair said. "They gave me a job description and my job is to follow it. They can't come in here and do anything different. This business is very competitive right now. There are a lot of very good unemployed people in this business right now. We can get to that next level, but it means everyone knowing their positions." Booker T - "It can be positive for the fans and ratings," Booker T added. "The negative is if they come in here and don't work as hard as we do. They can't come here, not work as hard and last. The WWF has made me feel part of their family, so I'm going to continue working hard like I have. Them coming here doesn't take any money out of my pocket." Smackdown Rating
Smackdown finished with a final broadcast rating of a 4.0, with a six share, for last week's show. That is the same rating that it did the previous week.WWF Invades Japan
The following lineup was announced for the World Wrestling Federation's 3/1 event at the Yokohama Arena in Japan. The same talent will be working events on the same tour in Malaysia and Singapore.WWF champion Chris Jericho vs. The Rock WWF Intercontinental champion Edge vs. Test
The Dudley Boyz vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri and Funaki Haku vs. The Big Show Kane vs. Diamond Dallas Page The Hardy Boyz vs. Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo Billy Kidman vs. Hurricane Helms Torrie Wilson, Stacy Kiebler, Lita, and Mighty Molly will all be on the tour as well. Tickets went on sale yesterday.
Angle shooting for 2004 Olympics
I've reported this before but Kurt confirmed that "it's true, it's true" on Friday's Byte This. Kurt Angle is serious about a return to the Olympics in 2004. Angle's current thinking is that it would take about a year of hard training to get himself ready to return to amateur wrestling, which would mean he would have to disappear from the WWF's active roster in mid-2003.1-800-HO-4-RENT
During The Godfather's return on RAW last night he gave out an alleged 800 number for his new escort service. It turns out that that number is active and it's a bizarre voice mail personal ad. The message reads as follows: Greetings Kafir: My services are for hire. Look at the kindred to either side of you. Will one of them pay me to kill you? The Protection of Allah will put your worries to rest. Who would dare kill you, knowing, that my wrath will fall upon them? 1-800-xxx-xxxx or e-mail xxxxx@indiana.edu. The message is apparently connected to live action role-playing games, specifically "Vampire: The Masquerade". Those kids at Indiana EDU are into some freaky stuff.
Jake "the Snake" Speaks!
Yesterday, former WWF wrestler Jake "the Snake" Roberts was interviewed on talkSPORT. The interviewer, James Whale, called Jake a former North American champion, and said that he'd wrestled the likes of Andre the Giant, Stone Cold Steve Austin. He also recognized Jake as the inspiration behind "Austin 3:16." Here are the highlights:Roberts called Beyond the Mat (BTM) "a real mess", said he'd never seen it, nor will he watch it. Said he was lied to by Barry Blaustein. Said he wasn't paid for doing the movie, and was told not to come to the premiere of BTM. Roberts claimed he wasn't embarrassed by the movie. Whale brought up wrestling-related injuries (in the ring), Roberts said that they (promoters) don't show the bad injuries. Jake says he's been wrestling for 27 years... Roberts said that his greatest joy is "entertaining people", and claimed that he didn't feel the pain in the ring these days, despite having much surgery. Whale brings up the fact that many "new" wrestlers are "muscle-y." Roberts says there's no wrestling talent these days - people are employed for their visuals, and don't know anything about the art of wrestling. (I think Jake still thinks Hogan and Lex Lugar are in the WWF.) Whale says that Roberts now lives in the UK - Jake does regular gigs for "All Star Wrestling" (a UK promotion), mainly because he's broke (surprise surprise). They talked about Roberts' mother, who was raped when she was 13, and Roberts claimed that he felt he wasn't loved by his mother. She is still alive and Jake keeps in contact with her. Jake's sister was kidnapped and murdered at 21, and his brother was raped. (It's all discussed in Beyond the Mat.) They introduced a woman who Roberts brought with him, Saraya. They then discuss Lita - whom Roberts feels is taking shortcuts to success by doing all the "extreme" things (table spots, hurricanrana, etc). Saraya claims she is the most injured female in wrestling and that she was blind for six weeks after being kicked in her eye (what about the sight in the other eye?) . Another caller asks about a guy on Beyond the Mat who made claims about Jake not wrestling until he was given cocaine. Jake says it was a lie. He moves onto saying that cocaine is addictive, and that it makes you feel like a "pile of s**t". Caller asks about the WrestleMania 7 Blindfold Match with Rick Martel. Jake says the blindfolds were actually slightly see-thru. Caller brought up Owen Hart's death. Jake didn't want to comment on that. "It's (wrestling) a very dangerous pastime, especially when you fall 50-60 feet off a roof" Caller asks if Jake wants to return to the WWF. Jake doesn't want to go back to the WWF. The Kiss My Ass club angle was too much for Jake, and said he didn't want to work for a product like that. (Drugs, rape and murder are one thing but Jake draws the line at homosexuality.) Roberts claimed 60% of American fans didn't believe that wrestling was fake (but that's mostly the state of Oklahoma). Caller asks about Mick Foley's books. Roberts says he knows Foley well, and that they are close friends. Says Foley's books talk about Foley too much, and not about his wrestling career. (Isn't that the point of a biography?) Jake says that "smart marks" don't know wrestling at all, and says that the WWF is manipulating these people. "Smart kids not enjoying wrestling" as they want to prove they know it all. (ahem, I may not know it all about wrestling, but I know "smart kids not enjoying wrestling" is poor English.) Whale asks if Jake spent $4,000 a week on drugs - Jake said he did (mainly on alcohol though), and that he did wrestle while drugged up. Caller wants Jake to compare Hogan to the Rock... Jake says the Rock is a slightly better wrestler, but they're both good for marketing businesses. Whale asks if they (wrestlers) don't want to learn the business anymore. Jake says it's just "wrestling by numbers". E-mailer says that Jake was a top drawer in the 80s, but was never given a WWF title. He asks how Jake felt about that. "I never needed one." Caller asks about Jake's father. He mentions the scenes from Beyond the Mat. Jake says he loves his father, but doesn't have to like him. Jake said he didn't find the whole truth about his birth until a year ago (he's Mexican and could have been cashing in as a luchador for years). Jake said he felt it was his fault that he's been sexually molested as a child (did you see the way he was dressed? He wanted it). He felt ashamed, and he hid away from society (in the ring under all those spotlights.) Caller thanks Jake "for the memories". Says that the old WCW was too predictable and that "nobody could have been as stupid as Turner. Russo was stupid, unless he was burying WCW for McMahon. Then he was a genius. (That has nothing to do with Jake, it just made me laugh.) That's it for today. Catch you all on Friday.
