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Every Tuesday and Friday we give you the scoop on what's happening in and out of the wrestling ring. Somedays it's even funny!
Chairshots
01-04-02
Smackdown Thoughts
Smackdown was the first live television show of 2002 for the WWF and it was a good one. After two weeks of taped shows and highlights, we get finally get a glimpse of what the New Year will be like. If this show is supposed to set the tone for the rest of the year, then the WWF is off to a lukewarm start.Like all great heels should, Booker T finally got the best of Steve Austin, but he needed help to do it. Stephanie McMahon made appearances through out the show to remind us that her "husband" Triple H returns to the WWF this Monday and that this show is just filler. Undertaker continued his monster heel push by destroying The Big Show. Can't say I was sorry to see that feud come to a swift end.
Rock gave his usual funny promo and then squashed Booker T. When will the WWF stop trying to make us believe that Booker can win a match when they make him lose so often? Whatever. Let's just pretend that Saturday is New Year's Eve and that the WWF will ring in the New Year with a bang on Monday. It's all about the Game…
Ratings
WWF RAW ratings for New Year's Eve were as bad as expected. The "best of 2001" show scored a 2.4 rating. This proves that even wrestling fans have other plans on New Year's. Well, most of us. WWF Heat scored a 1.3 rating while the replay did a 0.6. WWF Excess did a 0.8 rating.The Kevin Nash Saga
" I have not signed with any wrestling organization. As of Tuesday, though, I became a free agent."That's what Kevin Nash had to say Wednesday of this week. This statement was made in response to some false rumors floating around about Nash having signed with the WWF. Thursday, 1Wrestling reported the following: "Sources familiar with negotiations have confirmed to 1Wrestling.com that Kevin Nash signed with the WWF Wednesday afternoon."
Later Thursday, Kevin Nash released another statement, "The Internet rumors continue today, but let me tell you the truth. Wrestling websites today are reporting that I have signed with the WWF. That is false, 100 percent incorrect. I have not, let me repeat, have not signed a contract with any wrestling organization. In fact, I have not even received a contract from the WWF."
So, is Nash lying or are the reports wrong?
Well, no one but Kevin Nash and the WWF know for sure. I can tell you that in recent wrestling history (since the Internet sold out and went mainstream) the WWF has a history of trying to keep a tight lid on contract signings. Wrestlers and promoters have outright lied in order to keep things a surprise. This story isn't over by a long shot. For all we know, Nash could return on Monday with Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Scott Hall and X-pac to reunite The Clique. God, I'd wet myself if that happened.
Hardy Boyz Suspended…or are they?
Wondering where The Hardy Boyz and Lita are lately? Recently Jeff Hardy has shown up late to WWF shows and he missed one show completely in December. Jeff's ring work also has not been up to his usual standards, which isn't surprising since most of his ring work is risky and painful. Matt and Jeff were also told to have a high-flying, spot filled match at Vengeance in December, but instead they had a very dull mat wrestling style match.What does all this add up to? Suspension. That's why they were destroyed by the Undertaker a few weeks ago and haven't been on television since. Lita went on to confirm as much on her own website early this week. However, a few days later, the website took down the news bite and said, "We apologize for anything that has been posted that may have been misinterpreted by the fans and/or wrestling news sites. Many sites are crediting AmyDumas.net for this news, even if the news didn't come from us. Please ignore any reports you may read, unless you hear them from an official source. Don't worry; Amy, Matt, and Jeff will be back soon! They are not getting punished or fired. They're just taking a break, that's all!"
I guess the WWF didn't like Lita's website publishing the backstage news. Looks like they cracked a few heads and the website changed their story.
More Toys for France!
Jakks Pacific Inc. has purchased Kidz Biz Ltd., a toy distributor based in the United Kingdom which they have used as a distributor since 1999. Their new conquest will continue to be their major European distribution arm, as well as a stepping stone in the international expansion of Jakks. This is good news for the WWF, since the toy company makes and distributes WWF action figures and toys. Jakks, along with THQ, also holds the license for new WWF-themed video games.WWF "Split" Delayed
A month ago the big plans for January 7th (Monday) was to split the WWF roster. The WWF has pushed that storyline back to the Monday after the Royal Rumble (January21st.) Obviously Triple H's return on Monday is big enough to garner ratings.By pushing back the split, the writers have more time to explain the whole thing and bang big ratings for Raw twice in January. Speaking of banging…
Damn, Wish I Was Your Lover
Rumor has it that Test and Stacy Kiebler have become a "real life" couple. Just one more reason to hate the guy in my book.Book It
Each week in Book It we help the struggling WWF creative team with a few ideas on how to get talent that has been stuck in a rut over with the WWF fans.
Some wrestlers are doomed to spend their entire careers stuck in the mid card. One such wrestler is Perry Saturn. He's been a mid card wrestler in ECW, WCW and now the WWF. At the height of his popularity, he never spoke a word. He was a henchman for Raven in WCW and he had the look of a guy you didn't want dating your sister. Then, he started to talk and it's been down hill since then.
Saturn's mic skills and ring work are very average. He rarely has a bad match, but also rarely has a great one. Writers from the various federations also haven't given Perry the big push his career needs to get off the ground. His storyline career in a nutshell goes: he was a member of Raven's Flock in WCW, then wrestled as a singles wrestler, then had to wear a dress for 30 days after he lost a match, then decided he liked wearing dresses, then he joined the WWF as a member of the Radicalz, then he fell in love with a mop after too many blows to the head. Now, he isn't even on television regularly. In short, Perry is only as good as the angle he's involved in and he hasn't had many good ones.
The one thing all the federations have proven about Saturn is that while no one is going to name Saturn as their favorite wrestler, the fans will cheer for him if he's entertaining. The problem now is that the WWF writers have written Perry into a rut with his "too many blows to the head" gimmick and they don't know how to get him out of it.
The trick to getting my angle over isn't to repackage Perry with a new gimmick, but rather to take the "crazy" gimmick he has to the extreme. For starters, Perry has to have a match with the Undertaker.
One night on Raw, Perry will conduct an interview backstage with Michael Cole. Cole will ask how Perry is feeling and has he recovered from the head trauma that caused him to fall in love with Moppy?
Perry will say that he's been cleared to wrestle, his brain is fine and he really just wants to get back to being a great wrestler in the WWF. He's going to start that plan tonight with a Hardcore Title match against The Undertaker. Undertaker has been mowing through cruiser weights like wet grass recently, so it fits with my plan for Perry.
The match is typical hardcore, leaving the ring in the first few minutes. Undertaker clearly has the upper hand as the two men brawl up the ramp and backstage. A few wrestlers are walking around backstage, including Raven. Undertaker asks him if "he wants some" and Raven says no. Undertaker goes back to beating the crap out of Saturn. The battle is over after Undertaker tombstones Saturn's head onto the concrete floor. Undertaker walks off and Saturn looks dead.
Raven comes running over to the fallen Saturn. Raven screams for the paramedics. Just before they arrive, Saturn starts to move and they have the following conversation:
Raven: Perry, are you ok?
Saturn: No.
Raven: Stay with me, man The doctors are on their way.
Saturn: I'll be ok. You'll take care of me.
Raven: Yeah, I will.
(The paramedics arrive)
Paramedic #1: Stay still, Perry. We'll get you to the hospital. Saturn: You're welcome. Paramedic #2: Saturn, how many fingers am I holding up? (He guesses correctly)
Paramedic #2: Do you know your name?
Perry: Perry Saturn.
Paramedic #2: Do you know what year it is?
Perry: Yes. The year is 1997.
The paramedics and Raven all look at each other while Perry just looks at Raven.Quick history lesson: In 1997, Raven and Saturn joined together to form "The Flock" in WCW. It was a mid card alliance made up mostly of cruiser weights. Eventually other members joined including Billy Kidman (known only as Sickboy), Horace Hogan (Nephew of Hulk Hogan) and Scotty Riggs. Raven and his Flock had successful feuds with Diamond Dallas Page, Chris Benoit and Chris Kanyon. This was right around the peak of WCW when the NOW angle was still in it's prime.
The following Smackdown, Michael Cole conducts an interview with Raven and Saturn. He asks Raven how Perry is feeling and Raven says he's feeling fine. Perry paces in the background, looking for something. Michael Cole asks Perry what he's looking for and Perry says "Sickboy." Before Cole can ask who Sickboy is, Raven and Perry hurry off for a tag match. They win the match, but afterwards, we hear Perry in the ring screaming "where's Sickboy!?"
The following week, Raven and Saturn have another tag match and win, but again Perry wonders where Sickboy is. The team finally gets a shot at the tag title belts held by the Dudleys. During that match, Billy Kidman runs out to ringside and stops Devon from setting up the tables. The Dudleys still manage to win, but Perry doesn't seem to care, because he's found Sickboy.
Backstage, Kidman and Raven sit Perry down to try and convince him he needs to see a doctor. Perry says that he's fine and that he's just glad that they found Sickboy. Kidman explains that no one has called him "Sickboy" in 5 years. Perry says that Kidman is wrong and that the Flock has always called him Sickboy. Perry hugs the other two while they look at each other like he's crazy.
Ok, hopefully by now, you can start to see where I'm going with this. Rather than just have Perry be just a generic brand of stupid, he actually thinks that it's the year 1997 and that he, Raven and Kidman are a heel group in WCW. Whenever someone tries to tell him that it's the year 2002 and that he's in the WWF, Saturn points out Chris Jericho, Booker T, Ric Flair, Chris Benoit, Torrie Wilson, Dean Malenko and Diamond Dallas Page (all of whom are in the WWF now, but used to be in WCW back in 1997.) Eventually everyone just accepts that Saturn thinks that he's in WCW in the year in 1997.
By establishing this, the possibilities are endless as to where reunited Flock can go to from here. It gets three talented wrestlers back on television in an entertaining story line that's bound to be more compelling that X-Factor was. They can feud for the tag titles or just feud with former WCW wrestlers.
Weeks before Kevin Nash and Scott Hall return to the WWF, Perry can foreshadow it by yelling "The band is back together!" Casual fans won't know what it means, but us hardcore fans will soil ourselves because we "get it." I also had the idea at some point, Saturn should run in to Steve Austin backstage and say "hi, Goldberg" to him. Stone Cold would of course respond "what" and then give him a Stone Cold stunner.
Internet fans, WCW fans and long time wrestling fans would eat this stuff up. Each week we could try and spot the 1997 WCW references that Saturn is making. We'd all snicker to ourselves each time Saturn refers to Vince McMahon as "Mr. Bischoff." Chris Kanyon could try to join the Flock as he did in 1998, only to be turned away because Saturn "doesn't trust that Mortis guy" (Mortis was Kanyon's name in WCW in 1998.) Saturn: Sickboy, that guy has your girlfriend (pointing to Tajiri and Torrie Wilson who used to be Kidman's girlfriend in WCW.)
Kidman: Yeah, she's not my girlfriend anymore, Perry.
Saturn: Who is he? I've never seen him before.
Kidman: (thinks to himself a minute and then lies) That's Rey Mysterio Jr. without the mask.Yeah, it can be corny at times, but it's better than the lame skits the WWF has served up previously. The whole "1997" angle would be a very "inside joke" to smart fans, but not so exclusive that everyday fans wouldn't enjoy it too.
A storyline like this could run for months (hey, Raven and Saturn were together for 2 years in the real WCW). Once the fans and the writers get tired of it, it should be easy enough to end. Saturn can explain that he was never actually crazy and that he was only pretending so that Raven and Sickboy would help him win matches. This leads to a singles feud of Saturn vs. Raven or Saturn vs. Kidman. After that, the slate is clean and Saturn can go wherever the writers want to send him.
And there you have it. A story line that gets three under utilized WWF wrestlers back on television and into the hearts and minds of wrestling fans everywhere. Saturn has proven that he can carry screwball gimmicks before, so I think this would be good for him. The WWF also gets some use out of that thing called WCW they paid money for.
This whole idea came to me while I was standing on the edge of my toilet hanging a clock, the porcelain was wet, I slipped, hit my head on the edge of the sink. And when I came to I had a revelation, a picture in my head of Saturn and the Flux Capacitor.
That's it for this week. Don't forget the big return of Triple H on Raw on Monday. I'll be back on Tuesday with the usual opinions and news.
