Falls Count Anywhere

12-28-04

Never leave a paper trail. Especially stuck to your shoe.

SmackDown!
I’m not going to do a full recap of the WWE SmackDown! in Iraq. It wasn’t meant to be looked at as a regular piece of WWE programming, so I don’t feel like it needs a regular review. In fact, I’d say it was a show specifically for the troops and we were simply allowed to watch it. It was an important show, right along the lines of last year's.

The majority of the show recapped the individual visits to the troops themselves. Masterfully produced pieces, these showed the boys talking to troops, mixed between showing them having a ball (and Rey Mysterio always seemed to be holding some gun or another) or just saying thanks and touring the Forward Operating Bases. The crew was at a base as it came under fire, which they touted. Everyone seemed to love the ladies, as Dawn Marie, Torrie and Lillian Garcia were all very popular…though not as popular as JBL.

Seriously, JBL is the most admired guy in Iraq. I was told that some operations guy brought over a tape of a JBL promo and showed it to the boys saying ‘Guys, this is what we’re workin’ for.’ He’s a great supporter of the USO and this is his third tour of Iraq. That’s what make his promo in the ring so much better. JBL did a heel promo that was easily my favorite this year, coming out in an asbestos suit, surrounded by armed personnel. In the ring, he did a promo saying that ‘The next time you all start a war, do it somewhere with a Four Seasons Hotel, OK?’ and just being a general ass. He managed to turn a fair deal of the crowd before the Big Show came out.

Who woulda thunk it? Mick is the new Bob Hope!

Other than Bradshaw’s promo, the only in-ring highlight was Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero against Kurt Angle and Luther Reigns. This was a pretty good match, though it didn’t get nearly enough time.

Kurt worked a lot of ground stuff, which he is so strong at making it look believable. Rey did some flying, but the ropes were far looser than normal, so he didn’t go all out. Eddie was Eddie and Luther went along for the ride. Good stuff.

All in all, SmackDown! from Iraq was a show that was at times very moving and is an important one to the WWE, not only because it shows that they are not just the evil company out to make a buck, but because it shows that when they are given a chance, they can actually pull off a classy event.

RAW
This week was the first time I’d watched RAW with a crowd in a long time. Watching with folks proved to me the most important point: live events are the way to go, and short of that, you need people…especially if they have a foozball table.

The night was called Beat The Clock night, which was a really fun concept. All the guys in the Elimination Chamber match would have a match. If they lost, whoever beat them got their spot. The person with the fastest win gets to enter the chamber last. Bischoff announced that Christy Hemme would be the time keeper. (I still don’t like her.) Good concept and we opened with Jericho vs. Christian.

This was a solid match, and it went longer than most openers and was very solid. They kept the clock going in the corner, which added to the heat later in the show. Tyson Tomko interfered a fair bit and Christian worked very smart. Jericho got the win in 10+, which was the time to beat for the next guy.

HHH was complaining to FlairTista about the Beat the Clock concept. Big Dave said he was afraid. HHH then came around and put on a brave face. This wasn’t a great segment, but the push of Batista into facedom is nearly complete. They then went to Randy Orton being interviewed by Maria, who had some awesome cleavage workin’. Mike Florez, America’s #1 guy, enjoys her more than any of the other Divas. She’s no Joy Giovanni or Amy Weber, but I digress. He did a good deal of talking, then he left for his match, which turned out to be against Maven.

The Maven vs. Randy match was pretty good, but jobbing Maven right now when they could be building him into a real heel is a mistake. Still, he put on a pretty good show for a six-minute match. Randy gave Maven a DDT with Maven’s feet on the ropes. Orton is still miles ahead of where The Rock was when he was Randy’s age. He’s a hell of a worker, he’s got solid mic skills, and ladies love cool Randy. Matt Pritchard and I had a conversation about Randy over a cigarette. Basically, Matt asserts that Randy isn’t there yet. The voting patterns for the FanboyPlanet awards seem to agree with him. Randy won and set a new time.

We were treated to a Lita vs. Molly match as a sort of sorbet from the Beat the Clock. It wasn’t a bad little match, as Lita has got it all back (and, it seems, a few more CCs on either side of her chest) and Molly is always top notch. Molly worked heel and Lita aggressive face. Lita won following an amazing DDT that Molly sold like she had been thrown like a Lawn Dart. Very solid.

After the match, Gene Snitsky chased Lita into the back, where she pulled a Jodie Foster, locking herself in a room where she knew she’d be safe. Bisch came out with his awesome grey hair, and told Snitsky that he’ll be wrestling Kane at New Year’s Revolution.

Rosie took on Simon Dean. This was a match that really wasn’t good safe for a brilliant bit. Dean went to his work-out bag and grabbed a weight belt, put it on to try and slam Rosie. He still failed. Really nice touch. Dean won with a roll-up.

Let us not forget the official Babe of the Year. Strangely, it's not Christy Hemme.

Edge took on Eugene in another Beat the Clock match. This was really good. Edge worked his regular style, but he’s amped that up a bit with his heel turn. Eugene did a great bit where, as time was winding down for Edge’s chance to win the challenge, he went out of the ring to shake hands with the fans, costing Edge the chance. The finish was great, as Eugene did a high knee that went into corner. Edge then worked the knee savagely and put on the Edgeacution for the submission victory. This was the best Eugene’s looked in a while and Edge has his character down pat. Really good stuff.

There was some Coach and Bischoff interaction with Coach giving Bisch his Christmas present. I missed some of it because Sean Becker was doing some bit and it’s hard to ignore a good bit. Benoit vs. Viscera was up next. Good match, that is to say, well-booked and entertaining. Benoit knows how to handle big guys in the ring better than anyone except for maybe Kurt Angle and Ric Flair. He managed to give Viscera a German Suplex, which I give Big Viz a lot of credit for managing to make it look good. Crossface and 45 seconds of selling won Benoit the match and set a new time.

Great New Royal Rumble commercial. West Side Story is parodied a lot, and this was one of the good ones.

Stacey Kiebler came out and said she was voted Babe of the Year. Muhammad Hassan then came out and did his bit. I was sitting with a Farsi speaker and he translated what was goin’ down from the best promo on Raw right now, Khosrow Daivar. Seriously, the guy gets so much out of his mannerisms and delivery that even if the audience doesn’t understand what he’s saying, they completely understand what he’s saying. They did an angle with Lawler and JR and later in the show, Bisch set up a debate between the four of them for RAW next week. This was the best I’ve seen Hassan in a non-edited piece.

There's always body language.

Batista destroyed Rhyno with two sit-out Powerbombs. There wasn’t much to the three minutes of this match, but it simply established Batista as a Bad, Bad, 36 year old man. He won in 3 minutes

HHH yelled at Batista, saying he wasn’t supposed to set the time. Flair played peacemaker, but it’s so obvious what they’re doing with Batista that they need to pull the string real soon.

HHH beat Shelton Benjamin in match that didn’t take off, but did have some moments. They had HHH use a sleeper just as time was about to expire. If Benjamin had gone out, HHH would have been the last one entered. Instead, Shelton made the ropes before his arm went down and the hold had to be broken, keeping HHH from his destiny. HHH argued with the ref, but Shelton gave him a Stinger Splash. They worked a little while longer, then HHH hit the Pedigree for the pin. Bischoff came out and announced that HBK would be the special ref of the Elimination Chamber. Here’s a wild prediction: HBK ensures that HHH wins, Batista turns, and HBK, Flair, and HHH reform D-Generation X.

All in all, a good show and the group I was watching with were highly entertaining…or maybe that was the Tecate talking.

NEWS
Well, the last Ring of Honor show of the year saw Samoa Joe, the RoH champion since 2002, finally drop his belt to Austin Aries. The crowd went super Ape over the finish, which isn’t surprising as RoH crowds are like ECW crowds for their ravenous love of wrestling, but they really appreciate actual wrestling instead of the blood and violence (though they seem to like that too). If you haven’t yet, go to http://www.rohwrestling.com and take a look. It’s the best wrestling in the US today.

Sorry folks, but no FlashBack today due to a sad amount of paperwork that must be completed. This is also the last regular Falls Count Anywhere for the year. I want to thank all of y'all for readin’ and hope you’ll join me to 2005. The next Falls marks my two year anniversary! And they said it wouldn’t last. (SHOULDN'T. WE SAID IT SHOULDN'T -- ed.)Keep an eye open for the Christopher J. Garcia Awards for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Wrestling Excellence, and send in those last minute votes!

Talk about today's column in the forums!

Chris Garcia