Falls Count Anywhere

12-14-07

...just like David Banner...

RAW’s 15th Anniversary
I don’t think I watched the first RAW. I used to watch Prime Time Wrestling a lot, 9 to 11 on Mondays until the last week in December, 1992. They did lots of great angles on there towards the end, though in the early days it was all squashes and MSG highlights. I saw several of the 1993 RAWs, including the Flair vs. Mr. Perfect match that I still think is one of the best things RAW ever did. I remember Randy Savage, Vince McMahon and some jerk New York Disc Jockey as the announcers.

RAW was a very different wrestling show, and when Nitro started it became an even more different wrestling show, and the 15th Anniversary show was a good way to celebrate, at least most of the way through.

We opened with a cool barrage of RAW openings. I remembered almost all of them!

Vince and Shane and Stephanie were in the ring. Steph looks better than she did the last time she was on TV. They were going to do a family portrait and Hornswoggle came out. I have to say, the guy’s over with the crowd. The audience, which was hot most of the night, chanted for Hornswoggle really loud, which is a good thing.

HHH came out and said that since it’s a family portrait he would send out some of the women that Vince had serviced over the years. He brought out Melina and then Sunny, who looked much better than the last time I saw her, too. Then he brought out Mae Young and Vince said that he got a little drunk at Moolah’s funeral and things got out of hand. That was tasteless, but I I also think that Moolah would have laughed at it harder than anyone with the way she used to talk about stuff.

They then brought out the guys who had been with Vince. It included Big Dick Johnson, Bastion Booger, Howard Finkel and Abe Knuckleball Schwartz. HHH noted that the Brooklyn Brawler couldn’t make it.

I'd cheer up, too...at least until the rash appeared.

Basically this was an old-fashioned 20 minute gabfest, but at least it was kinda funny. In the end, Steph kissed H and that was supposed to be a shock. The fans in the arena popped, so maybe everyone didn’t know that Steph and H were really married. The ending was Vince storming off and Hornswoggle looking all sad until H said that he had something that would cheer him up and the Godfather brought out the Ho Train. Good to see him again. One of the girls who came out with the Godfather was a friend of mine from college!

The Ladder Match between Carlito and Jeff Hardy ended kinda suddenly, but it was an OK match. You won’t go telling your friends you saw the best match ever, but both guys took some decent bumps, including Carlito going back first into the ladder twice. Carlito had his best match in a while working over Hardy’s leg. Jeff kept making comebacks and doing his spots. The most fun one was Jeff going for the Twist of Fate and Carlito turning it into a Backcracker onto the ladder. Awesome spot. Carlito did the spot where he went from the top rope to the ladder to knock Jeff off. Jeff won when Carlito was on the top of the ladder with a hand on the belt and Jeff just pushed him. Good stuff.

They did a long interview with Shawn Michaels which was pretty good. He brought out Marty Jannety and said that he’d be facing Kennedy, who he kept calling Kennedy Kennedy. It was a good promo.

Santino Marella was out and did his talking about being the future of wrestling. He’s pretty funny, though Maria does nothing for his character most of the time. He said he had an open challenge and RVD came out and squashed him. In one of the coolest spots in ages, RVD gave Santino an awesome fan kick and Santino just went straight back to the mat. Five Star Frog Splash ended things. Good to see him back and I’m hoping he sticks around and management figures out how to push him.

They did an Evolution reunion with Flair, HHH and Batista in the ring together. Randy came out and said that he had passed the rest of them and they jawed which led to Flair, Batista and HHH against Rated RKO and Umaga. It wasn’t a bad match, but there wasn’t much to it. The finish was Umaga tossing the ref and getting DQed before Edge and Orton left him and that allowed Flair to hit the Low Blow, HHH the Pedigree and Batista the spear.

He's back more times than The Who...

Wow, this was a weird way to bring back Hogan. Hornswoggle was fighting The Great Khali and before they started the match, Hogan came out and got a really super reaction. Good to see him back in a comedy role instead of on the top of the card. They had him face off with Khali, throw some punches and knock Khali down, which led to the end of Khali-Hogan. They’re obviously saving the big slam for later, which is weird because Kane’s already slammed Khali. Hulk talked a little, plugged American Gladiators and then posed with Hornswoggle. Kinda fun.

They did a battle royal with all sorts of old names, including Flash Funk, Repo Man, Jim The Anvil Neidhart (whose daughter is on payroll), Pete Gas, Backlund, Al Snow (with Head), Sgt. Slaughter, IRS, Steve Blackman who looked great considering he’s 45 or so. Gillberg got his big entrance and was dumped first. The ending was The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase coming down and bribing IRS to leave the ring and they declared Ted the winner. Funny ending!

Eric Bischoff and Jericho did a thing that ended up with Jericho decking Bisch. I love Bisch the character and wish they’d bring him back as a manager for some wrestler who really needs it. Orton came in after Jericho hit Bisch and they fought with Jericho getting the Walls on Orton and making him tap. This segment did what it had to do.

I missed Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes beating Cade and Murdoch for the titles. The piece I saw was the ending and there wasn’t much to it. They’ve really messed up with Rhodes so far and they need to give him something real and quick to save what they can or he’ll just be another David Sanmartino.

Welcome back!

My favorite segment of the night was Jillian coming out to plug her Christmas album and Trish Stratus returning to insult her. She looked great and the crowd seemed appreciative of her return. Lita came out and told Jillian to shut up, too. Trish and Lita stopped Jillian from singing again and then tossed her from the ring and hugged. It was a good way to bring them both back for a night and it’ll be interesting to see if either gets the itch to return. The Luchagores, Lita’s band, are playing around here in a few weeks.

Kennedy beat Marty in an average match. I didn’t see all of it, but Marty looked OK considering how often he wrestles nowadays. He escaped the Steamroller and got a near-fall out of it.

Vince came out and introduced himself as the Greatest Superstar in RAW History. Go figure. That brought out Mick Foley as Mankind who gave him the Mandible Claw, Undertaker, who gave him the Chokeslam, and finally Austin who jawed and gave him the Stunner. That led to beer-drinkin’ and Austin saying the fans were the greatest superstars. All the wrestlers came and drank. Good way to end things.

A lot of fun and we’ll see how the ratings are since the Monday Night Football game wasn't that good and didn’t have the Pats playing to get the big number.

That’s all for this week. More on Monday.

Chris Garcia