Falls Count Anywhere

12-08-06

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RAW
Not a bad episode of RAW. It really held my attention most of the way. The opening was John Cena talking about the Umaga challenge. He was booed and cheered, which they need to expect. Melina came out and said that Cena had bigger things to worry about: Kevin Federline! That led Cena to saying that Melina was Britney, flashing her nethers all over the place, and that led Melina to slap Cena.

Cena was about to give her the FU when Chris Masters came in to attack Cena. This was revealed to be a plan by The Coach. It was then announced that Cena would be in the Masterlock Challenge with the Title at stake. Interesting opening.

Kenny tried to get in with Rated RKO. He’s really talented, and he could really benefit from the exposure with Orton and Edge.

FOR THE PIPER!

They announced that Roddy Piper had cancer and that he was fightin’ it and was gonna win. Get better, Hot Rod! The Highlanders dedicated their match with Cade and Murdoch to Piper, and they won with a roll-up. The crowd could have cared less, though they did gasp pops for some of Cade’s stiff offense.

I love the way they’re building Victoria. She came out with a clipboard with the names Candice Michelle, Maria Torrie and Mickie James on it. She then checked off Candice, whose nose she broke last week. Her match against Maria was pretty much a squash with her kicking the hell out of Maria. The Fireman’s Sidewalk Slam was the finish. Mickie came to help Maria after the match, while Victoria was checking off Maria’s name, then she got in and gave Mickie the Widow’s Peak.

Well, they had Shelton say that Cryme Tyme reinforced negative racial stereotypes and then challenged SuperCrazy to a match because he found the segment where Cryme Tyme went to a Retirement Home to be hilarious. I think he just wanted to beat him up for having a bad sense of humor. The match was quick and actually action packed. Benjamin won with the T-Bone and Charlie Haas came out to celebrate with Shelton. We might get The World’s Greatest Tag Team Period back! They seem to be taking Tag Teams seriously again, which is a big plus.

Cena managed to win the Masterlock Challenge. Well, he didn’t really break it, so they could still have Masters do it in the future, but they had him ram Cena into the ref. Cena managed to put Masters in his own Full Nelson which led Masters to tap out. After the challenge, we had a good pull apart brawl from Cena and Umaga. It was a good and long brawl and the crowd seemed to enjoy it.

Worst match of the night: Big Viz vs. Carlito. Just awful.

Armando backstage made an agreement that Cena couldn’t touch Umaga for the rest of the year, and Coach made a match between Cena and Armando for next week. This is weird, but Armando in a way is the Bobby Heenan of 2006 and Heenan used to do matches like these once in a while.

...and yet so Christmasy...

Val Venis did the KissCam gimmick and he found two hot chicks to kiss. They didn’t want to, but ended up coming into the ring and making out, which was kinda awesome, and then Eugene came out saying that he wanted a kiss. The chicks refused, and Eugene grabbed one of them, which led Val to step in and then Eugene attacked Val. Crazed Eugene is interesting, but not particularly effective.

Rated RKO and MNM had a fun match with The Hardys and DX. It started with brawling, which added to the intensity, and eventually it was Jeff Hardy getting worked over by the heels. Matt tagged in and that led to another bout of brawling. Michaels hit a Flying Forearm. If you’re looking for proof that Michaels can still go, watch the way he does that one move and you’ll be convinced. Kenny came out and hit Michaels with a chair. Jeff was about to hit a Swanton, but got pushed off the top rope, allowing Edge to pin Matt.

It was a better show than I expected.

ECW
First off, we got Rob Van Dam and CM Punk beating Test and Hardcore Holly via DQ in a quick little match. Before things got started, RVD dedicated the match to the sadly injured Sabu. Nice guy, that RVD. Rob got worked over by the heels for most of the match before he made the tag to Punk. Punk managed to get the PunkPlex and Anaconda Vise on Holly, but the Riot Squad interfered for the DQ. Sabu made the save, showing that the angle to get him out of the Elimination Chamber was just bunk.

Tommy Dreamer beat Daivari with a DDT. There was almost nothing to this match. Afterwards, the Great Khali gave Dreamer the two handed choke slam on a chair. I really don’t like having Khali on ECW.

Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?

Kelly Kelly beat Ariel with a rollup. Ariel is so freakin’ hot. I mean really, she’s insanely hot in ways that are illegal to think about in many states. This was a bad match.

Bobby Lashley beat Big Show to retain the ECW title. You gotta say that Big Show has worked through a ton of pain and never complained. Now he gets his time off. I’m told that the ECW taped version of this match was a hundred times better than the live version. Mostly, Big Show was in control until Lashley got a clothesline and a Body Slam. Lashley’s an interesting fit for ECW, and really, I’d rather see RVD or Sabu with the belt, or even Hardcore Holly, but he’s a decent choice.

An average show with little in the way of good wrestling. It would be nice to see CM Punk get a real feud where he could show off the skills he showed in his feuds with Raven and Samoa Joe.

That’s all for this week. More next week!

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Chris Garcia