Falls Count Anywhere

12-03-04

I always wear nice underwear.

SmackDown!
This was a show that had peaks and valleys, opening with Teddy Long laying down the law to the John Bradshaw Layfield group. Amy Weber looked so damn hot this week. Blue is indeed her color. They also introduced the Bashem Brothers as Co-Secretaries of Defense. I think they’d have been smarter to call them his security detail, but whatever. Teddy was good here.

Rey Mysterio and RVD teamed up with Torrie Wilson to take on Hiroko, Kenzo and Rene Dupree. This wasn’t a very good match, but it also wasn’t that bad. The crowd seemed into it, which helps. I liked seeing Rene do his French Tickler again. It ended when RVD gave the Five Star and Mysterio covered him for the three.

Tough Enough this week saw Ryan Reeves eliminated. This was a bit of a surprise as I really thought he had the best personality of the bunch. Then again, the elimination of Ivana on The Apprentice was not at all shocking.

Kenzo did a great segment with Hiroko talking about Kenzo’s attention to Torrie. Hiroko’s milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, or so the saying goes. This was a funny, funny segment. The two funniest people in the WWE are both foreigners: William Regal and Kenzo.

Charlie Haas was supposed to take on Jesus, but Carlito Caribbean Cool did some talking, saying that it wasn’t cool for Haas to be hoarding all the womens. CCC held Haas while Jesus beat on him, using the chain to deliver a Heart Punch. Somewhere, Ox Baker is smiling.

Sorry. This was the only diva photo we could find this week.

The Bashems took on Booker T and Eddie Guerrero. This was a fun little match that I actually thought ran a little too long. The Bashems are entertaining, and now that they have a pushed program they’ll only look better. The main point of this was to show that Booker T and Eddie weren’t on the same page. That and to have Bradshaw and Orlando Jordan on commentary. JBL is a really good talker. If they had realized all this three years ago, he might have worked out as a real star. The Bashems did a lot of great double team moves, which I always appreciate. Eddie worked his big moves, including a nice set of Suplexes. Eddie knocked Booker out of the ring three times, which Booker didn’t like. Eddie got pinned with a Schoolboy after a distraction. Solid. JBL then comes in and gives Clotheslines From Hell to Eddie and Booker.

Another Kurt Angle invitational, and another fast pin for Kurt after some sneakery. Luther and Jindraik came down with him, and after Kurt called the lovely Miss Joy Giovanni into the ring so that Luther could apologize. He said he was sorry and that he wanted to take her out to make it up to her. She says she’s already got a date with Big Show and Kurt says she should reconsider. Big Show comes out and clears the ring, then challenges the three of them to a match. They look about ready to go in and accept, but Kurt pulls them back. Joy’s outfit proved a statement that my co-worker Alison said just yesterday: ‘if you’re gonna wear a short skirt, wear nice underwear.’

They did the Tough Enough Fashion Show where the guys dressed up like women and were supposed to seduce Bob Holly. I actually flipped away as this was so bad that I couldn’t watch. This is not what made the first three Tough Enoughs watchable. And I got to catch up a bit on the whole ESPN news deal talking about Bonds, Giambi and steroids. There’s a lot of attention and the WWE will start taking heat again from it.

Dawn Marie, in suitably hot Skanky Santa suit, and Miss Jacky had a little brawl and then were separated. They both looked great rolling around with each other. Teddy Long then said that they would meet in a match with Charlie Haas as the ref.

JBL and Orlando Jordan lost by DQ to the Undertaker. The match went a bit long, though UT got to do all his trademark moves, save for the Tombstone. The end was Orlando and JBL stopping an attempted Double Chokeslam with a pair of low blows for the DQ. After the match, UT got to Chokeslam Orlando. The Bashems came in and stopped a Tombstone, which allowed JBL to hit a Clothesline from Hell. UT sat up, slowly, and JBL hit him with the belt. This wasn’t bad, but Undertaker can’t go out there for that long anymore.

Not a great show, but there were moments. Hopefully, this whole Tough Enough thing will work out in the end.

NEWS
Not too much really. Vince basically gave himself several million dollars when the board of directors voted to double the dividend paid on every share. This doesn’t help morale at all, but I really think Vince sees that he is going to have to ramp up and save his hide since there are dark days ahead for the company.

Raw did another 3.9. That’s a three-peat. That’s a sign that the interest is moderately bouncing back. This week was helped by the battle royal. I’m interested to see what the rating does the week after next. That will be a better indicator of whether the whole thing is a result of the Hunt for HHH or an actual rise in interest.

HHH did an interview for Canada’s Off The Record. He talked about being a writer, but he denied that he was responsible for holding folks back. He also said that he wouldn’t always be the star but he would always be right there at the top and guys on top don’t do a lot of clean jobs. Except for the Rock. And Flair. And Kurt Angle. And…

Speaking of Trips, the Blade Trinity premiere happened in Toronto and a ton of WWE folks were there, including the entire McMahon family, Trish Stratus, Flairtista and the Coach.

A heel and he knew it.

FlashBack!
What is a face and what is a heel? That’s an easy question for those of us who were fortunate enough to be watching the Carolinas in the early 1980s. A face was Roddy Piper. A heel was Greg Valentine.

Just looking at the way they presented themselves, it was obvious who was playing what role. Valentine was almost a prototype NWA Champion in my eyes. He was tough, he could work a brilliant match, he had a strong interview style (other disagree with me on that point, but it was perfect for his character).

In another age, he and Ted DiBiase would have both held the belt for a good long run each. He had the robe and his in-ring style was certainly influenced by his dad, the sometimes-brutal Johnny Valentine. Piper was the skinny, smart-talkin’ face. Piper knew exactly how to work a crowd, whether as a face or heel, and he got the crowd behind him fast in the feud.

How good was the feud? In my opinion, it was the best feud of 1983. They were feuding over the US title, and at one point, Valentine bloodied up Piper’s ear bad. This was actually not a blade job, he really did rip a bit of Piper’s ear. This was when Valentine won the US Title. They sold it as if Piper suffered serious ear damage, which he didn’t, save for the few stitches he needed. This set up the Dog Collar match at the first Starrcade.

Not working the ear, here, but still...nice shot.

The match itself was brilliant. They did tons of spots using the chain, and Piper did a classic bladejob on his ear. Valentine kept working the ear. That’s the sign of a great heel and great booking: come up with an injury and have the heel work it smartly. Everytime the face makes a comeback, the heel goes back to the injury. That’s what made Flair so great. He would always injure the leg and then work on it.

Piper got the win using the chain to tie Valentine up. Not too long after, Piper headed to Titan and started the feud with Hogan. Valentine would follow not too long later. The two were good sized stars, but they never had a feud that was as brilliantly worked as the one in 1983.

The thing to be learned here is that you must build your faces and heels. Valentine sold for Piper despite his size and despite the fact that Valentine was the baddest name in the Carolinas. Piper got plenty of interview time and they did smart angles and sold them. That’s what’s missing today. Piper was put into a hole and had to fight his way out, and they kept their eyes on the prize the whole time and made sure everything followed through.

That’s all for this week. Stay tuned for more!!!

Chris Garcia