Falls Count Anywhere

11-06-06

I'm going to have an Aviance night.

SmackDown!
You wanna know something? These damned writers are buggin’ the hell out of me! They’ve taken a load of talent and watered it down just right so that I barely care about anything. This edition of SmackDown! made me very annoyed.

They again had Rey and Chavo interact to open the show. This is getting old and boring, which sucks because these are two very talented wrestlers who have also been great characters in the past. They did do one thing right. Chavo wanted Rey to sign the chair that he’d beat him with, but instead Chavo signed it ‘I Quit’. Of course, Chavo attacked and Vickie was about to get into the action when Benoit made the save. Even without the connection to Eddie, this storyline is really annoying.

London and Kendrick continue to be the brightest spots on the SD! roster. They had a nice little match with James and Stevens again, but just like the Hardy vs. Helms match, it was another Non-Title match. What gives? Why can’t we see a real title match between good teams, especially if the champs are gonna win anyways? It makes no damn sense. Kendrick did a Springboard dive onto James when he was on the floor! Nice! Dynamite Kid did the same thing once and blew out his knees. London hit the Standing Moonsault for the win.

They pushed the PPV, which was the only thing this week they did 100% right.

Kennedy is being wasted against The Undertaker and Kane. MVP has lame tights. This match was bad and when they did the first finish, a count-out when Kennedy and MVP both decided to walk, the crowd laid into them. Theodore R. Long then said that they’d continue in No Countout.

At this point, it turned into a Squash. Kennedy ended up the one taking the loss when Undertaker Tombstoned him. What is their problem? Kennedy is a heel who the crowd actually gets and they squash him with Kane and UT. Why? He’s got money written all over him if they just push him right!

Yee-haw.

Jimmy Wang Yang and Amy are paired now, which I missed somehow. She was a decent Diva Search contestant and I kinda like having her teamed with Jimmy, who has gotten over on the strength of his gimmick. That doesn’t happen often. Here, he took on Gregory Helms and lost, but it was a decent little match. Sylvan was in Helms’ corner and just when Yang was about to win with the Moonsault, Sylvan distracted the ref and Helms rolled up Yang for the win. The heels attacked and Matt Hardy made the save. This was OK, but nothing too special.

The Miz teamed with Kristal to take on the incredibly hot Layla and Vito. OK, this was awful, neither of the women really belong in the ring, and neither does The Miz. The only good part of this was the end made logical sense. After Layla got pinned by Kristal, The Boogeyman came out. The Miz and Kristal tried to run off but Layla and Vito pushed them back in. The Miz ran off leaving Kristal to take the worms. That was the right way to do that. I kinda like The Boogeyman as a tormentor.

In an actual clean finish, Bobby Lashley beat Jamie Noble. It’s not a good idea to squash guys like Noble, but this wasn’t offensive. Tatanka came out. He said he owes nothing to Lashley. This wasn’t done well and using Tatanka as anything but enhancement talent is a bad idea.

The end was Batista and Booker going out to The Book’s limo. Batista wouldn’t open Booker’s door. Various folks attacked Batista, but he fought them off. Finlay and Batista brawled to end the show.

This was a mess and an awful show. They need to do something to revive SmackDown!, something like give us good wrestling and simple storylines.

CyberSunday
The former Taboo Tuesday show wasn’t terribly good, but it had some moments. It also proved that the DX gimmick has little legs when it comes to big shows. They whole show lacked fire and they went with the voting, so it would seem, as there were a couple of points where the votes came out opposite to what the WWE would like to be pushing.

I have nightmares about this.

Umaga and Kane had the first match. Kane got 49% of the vote. The match wasn’t bad either, as Umaga can go for a giant heel. Lots of headbutt spots, including Kane showing that he never watched any matches with the Wild Samoans because he tried to ram Umaga’s head into the corner. That just doesn’t work.

A little brawling, a little work and a nice segment where Umaga eye-raked his way out of a Chokeslam, but then missed a corner splash, allowing Kane to get a back suplex. Kane went for a Flying Clothesline, but Armando held onto him long enough to allow Umaga to give him the clothesline instead! Samoan Spike sealed the deal. Not bad at all.

In a really short match, Cryme Tyme won a Texas Tornado match. This was an utter mess with the Highlanders, Cade and Murdoch and Big Viz and Haas. This was just a bad match with so many guys around that it was hard to keep up and not in a good way like with the recent Mania Ladder Matches. Just terrible and not a good way to highlight a team like Cryme Tyme that has a chance to go places. Sadly, I think that the promising Highlanders will now end up like The Bushwhackers.

Jeff Hardy took on Carlito, who managed to get 62% of the vote. I don’t think that was the result they were hoping for when they set this up, and it shows what I’ve been saying for ages: that Carlito is worthy of a real push. This wasn’t a bad match as Carlito has upped his game and Jeff has shown flashes of his old self. Of course, they also blew a leapfrog spot that looked absolutely awful.

I thought this was a better match than the crowd did as they chanted boring. Jeff went for a Swanton and ended up going onto Carlito’s knees. OUCH! It looked like Carlito landed on his head when he went over on a hurancanrana attempt that led to Hardy getting the Swanton for the win.

If you look up disappointing heat in the dictionary, the DX vs. Orton and Edge match will be mentioned. It wasn’t that they didn’t work hard; it wasn’t that they aren’t over; it was the fact that the feud has been booked to make Orton and Edge look so bush league that they’re not able to supply the heel end of the equation. Orton was off his game here, too.

This match was long and technically worked, but it didn’t draw anything out of the crowd. Bischoff got 60% of the vote to be ref. I really think they’d rather have had Vince win, but what are you gonna do? Bisch helped the heels, go figure, and an RKO on the chair led to the pin for Orton. Edge should be taken out of this equation quickly before he drowns.

Damn, Mickie James vs. Lita was among the worst matches ever. They blew spots left and right and the Lumberjill contest was terrible. Mickie needs a lot of work, but she’s a much better character than just about anyone on the roster with the exception of Lita, who’s leaving and who was also made Champion here! They botched a DDT spot and then Lita did an awesome DDT to finish things. Good thing this travesty didn’t take place in Philly or they’d have gotten so much heat.

Reunited and it feels so good...

In a shocker, Ric Flair’s partner was Roddy Piper. I’d talked to folks within the WWE family who said that they had brought Dusty out specifically so he could be Flair’s partner. The Piper memory is just too strong. They managed to beat the Spirit Squad to win the Tag Team Titles.

Let me say this: if you liked very early 1980s wrestling, this was the match for you. Piper and Flair were working like it was 1981 in Stone Mountain, Georgia. This was basic and it didn’t disappoint either. This was also really short, but served its purpose.

The Champion of Champions match had Booker’s title up, which was the expected result. The guy worked as hard as they could, but Show’s hurting and Booker wasn’t on his top game. The early portion was solid, with Cena and Booker working mostly, though Show did throw some Head Butts in. They picked things up a bit when they managed to toss out Show and Cena and Booker worked much better without worrying about the big man. He was out of the ring for almost ten minutes. He came back, but he really didn’t play much of a part here.

The interesting part was Sharmell got FUed and the ref was checking on her while Cena had the STFU on Booker when the new biggest heel in wrestling, Kevin Federline ran in. KFed hit Cena with the belt and Booker got the belt to retain.

Interesting, but again, the booking was odd and some of the matches were really crappy. It seems like the WWE was shocked by some of the outcomes and I’d expect punishments vetted out to those who they didn’t want to win who ended up taking it.

That’s all for today. More on Thursday!

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Chris Garcia