Falls Count Anywhere

10-01-04

I will wash his feet with my hair.

SmackDown!
Due to taping troubles and viewing problems, I didn’t get in until half an hour in. The first thing I saw was our good friend John Cena doing a strangely serious promo on Booker T that was all sorts of improved. Seriously, he could draw on regular promos even without the rap gimmick.

Paul E. Dangerously came to ringside, supposedly to keep Heidenreich from jumping. Odd. He then did a promo like an old school heel, which kinda worked, though he’s so unover that it doesn’t really matter. Still, it’s obvious that he’s been working with Jim Cornette in OVW. He made a promise to destroy the world. Dr. Ernst Stavlo Blofeld thinks that he’s got no chance.

JBL did a promo that was very old school world champion. He’s so good at that part of his championship reign. After a while, Hardcore Holly came out and clocked JBL. He looked pissed. Hardcore is so spottily used that he’ll never draw in these situations. Bradshaw is just the right heel for this turbulent presidential season.

Paul London. Booker T. It may not be poetry, but it works.

They made a great storyline of having Booker working on London’s nose, though it wasn’t a great match. Billy Kidman ran in to make the save, clearing Booker out of the ring using a chair. He then predictably used the chair on London. Still, too short, but had moments. London is getting my vote for Most Underrated Wrestler.

They did the review of all the Carlito Caribbean Cool commercials. He isn’t great, but he may well make a nice addition to the SmackDown! heel side. He reminds me of one of the guys in Oozo Motley.

Nice rack.

Hardcore Holly and John Bradshaw Layfield had a match. They may be the two brawlers in the WWE who can do these brawls and not get the match over. Still, JBL has a little heat, and the beat down he laid into Hardcore didn’t suck, but it needed more blood and more meaning. They missed the boat on Holly in 1999. JBL called out the Undertaker, saying that UT can’t play mind games with him. Of course, the lights go out and Undertaker does a little promo and then reveals that Orlando Jordan has been crucified. Why do we crucify ourselves? Sorry, I just really like Tori Amos. I’ve never liked crucifixion angles, and this was sorta out of left field.

You know, they have some little things that they are doing right. Showing the sold dates for the European tours was a nice touch as it made the product look hot. That, and the shot they used of Dawn Marie was wicked HAWT!!!

Spike Dudley defended his Cruiserweight Title against Nunzio. They did all the exchange stuff early, which I know I appreciate. Nunzio did a nice toss, dropping Spike on his head. Nunzio also did an awesome headscissors off the mat, followed by a leglock into a forward roll that slammed his head into the ropes. Spike used his ramming headbutt a couple of times. Spike did that running on Nunzio’s chest while Nunzio was down on the mat. I’d like to quote Gennie, my loving girlfriend: ‘Oh, when will Spike Dudley’s reign of terror end?’ I don’t know, Gen, I just don’t know. Nunzio did a good back suplex, a move which isn’t used nearly enough anymore now that folks like Germans and Dragon Suplexes so much. Bubba nailed Nunzio, but Nunzio managed to switch things up and get a pin, setting himself up as a contender.

Here are a couple of thoughts on No Mercy this Sunday: JBL with the help of half-a-dozen heels, Eddie pins Luther, John Cena to win the Best of Five, Billy Kidman pins London with the Shooting Star. Everything else is most inconsequential.

Nice rack.

Big Show did a promo in the dark, ashamed of his bald head. This was the witness protection version of the Big Show. This was a solid interview even if you didn’t get to see his face until the very end of the segment. My girlfriend Gennie says he looks more like a real wrestler now that he has no hair. He’s more edgy. Shaving your head is the comb-over for the new Millennium. Apparently, damp, scraggly wrestler hair is so late 80s.

They showed the Tough Enough folks. Let me say that the last couple of guys did strong promos, so they’ve obviously been trained in the finer points of talking already. It might be interesting.

Jindraik and Luther Reigns faced RVD and Eddie Guerrero. The opening segment wasn’t great, though Eddie did look great working with Jindraik when we came back from break. The match wasn’t bad, though it certainly wasn’t up to RAW’s level of main eventing. RVD was non-spectacular. Luther Reigns would have easily been a huge heel star in the 1980s, but now I don’t think it’ll happen. He is a decent big man who is obviously trying to learn his craft. He’s like Ryan Phillipe in White Squall: obviously has the look, but not at the level to carry a program yet. RVD completely missed a spinning heel kick off the ropes, but Luther sold it anyhow. Jindraik got the pin after Luther gave Eddie the Reverse Neckbreaker.

They ended the show with a strong tribute to No Mercy. As I am always saying, the WWE does a great job with these things.

Nothing terribly good, but there were a couple of brief moments.

NEWS
The two biggest names in US Women’s Wrestling in the 1980s are wrestling for the first time. Sherri Martel and Wendi Richter are wrestling on one of those reunion shows in Tampa. Should be interesting.

They recently replayed the Classy Freddy Blassie episode of the Dick Van Dyke show on Nick At Night.

In a strange story, Bret Hart will apparently be playing the Genie in a Holiday stage production of Aladdin at the Elgin Theatre in Toronto. I think that’s the weirdest news I’ve heard in ages.

Jeff Hardy no-showed the recent TNA Impact taping. This song sounds familiar. A fight also broke out at the taping between Kid Kash and Chase Stevens. No words on any repercussions.

Lot’s of talk about a major move from Sting. There’s been talk about him doin’ the TNA PPV, but recently there has been more and more talk about him coming out of retirement in a big way, possibly being involved in whatever the Hogan plan is.

TNA is trying their damnedest to get names for their big PPV coming from Orlando. The names mentioned by everyone from the Observer to Pro Wrestling Daily are X-Pac, Terry Funk, DDP, Hogan and Scott Hall.

FlashBack
I already did an article on the murder of Bruiser Brody, and I’d written about the Dick Slater attempted murder arrest, so the stabbing theme is over. The Bossman’s death still weighs heavy on my mind, so I thought I’d talk about one of the creepiest angles ever.

1999: The Bossman and The Big Show had been feuding, and after a couple of weeks, the Big Show had to take off because of the death of his father. Now, those of us who kept track of these things knew that Show’s father had died about a year or so before. Now, the feud did not get over with the crowd to the level that it should have, though the Big Show was in the middle of a decent run as a face coming off of the turn around the time of WrestleMania 15. They did an angle that was very controversial, and might have remained the most controversial angle the WWF had ever done, until the Katie Vick angle.

The Bossman had been doing all sorts of rotten things, including crashing a moment of silence to read a poem featuring the near Coleridge-ian couplet: ‘And if I had a son like you, I'd wish for cancer so that I would die too’. They kept going on and on, and then SmackDown! took us to the funeral. This was a surreal sight, to say the least.

First, the Bossman showed up in the Blues Mobile, that is to say a beat-up lookin’ cop car with a speaker set on top. He started yellin’ all sorts of trash, and The Big Show was fuming. Bossman eventually arrived and beat down the Big Show. This led to the part that is best remembered…or tried to be forgotten.

You see, there was a hook on the back of the Bossman’s car. He hooked the hook and tied it to the casket. The Big Show jumped onto it, like some sort of Egyptian slave trying to go down with his master, and went for a ride before being flung off. This was high comedy, but they tried to sell this as serious.

This actually got Bossman some serious heat, which would turn out to be the last real hot period of his career. Those days on SmackDown! started to get heat for its direction and being the bolder of the two shows. The stations also gave the WWF a little heat for content, which was something that happened a lot in those days.

That’s all for this week. Next week, I wanna spend a little time talking about Strangler Lewis!

Chris Garcia