Falls Count Anywhere

09-21-04

Never say no to ice cream.

RAW
We open things up with Vincent Kennedy McMahon swaggering to the ring. He called Bischoff to the ring and told him that Taboo Tuesday was going to have matches picked by the fans. Bisch retorted that he didn’t think that was a good idea. Vince said that Eric wasn’t going to be GM that night, that he would be an active wrestler. To this, Eric argued that he was injured and wouldn’t be able to compete against anyone that fans would pick to destroy him. Vince announced that he was usurping the power and had chosen Eugene.

The savant didn’t get a great pop coming out, but it was nice to see that they are thinking in the right direction. The audience will decide stipulations, though. Bisch tried to talk Eugene out of it, saying that they should talk Mr. McMahon out of the match, and once they did that, they’d go and get ice cream. Eugene then clocked Bisch, saying no to the ice cream. Not a bad angle. Eugene wanted to hug Mr. McMahon, which he did before Vince walked out.

Victoria and Stacey took on Trish Stratus and Molly in a match that saw the normally peppy Victoria looking rather lethargic. She tried to give Molly a Giant Swing, but she didn’t get her up or swing her very fast. The match went really fast, as we got to see Victoria do her Swinging Sidewalk Slam and then Stacey got in, sold a little, then managed to get a backslide to pin Molly. A nothing sort of match.

Vince McMahon was talking with Randy Orton backstage as he was reading RAW magazine. Vince said that it sucked that he had been on top of the world and now he was off the top of the mountain. But all that mattered was winning tonight so that he would impress the fans enough to get the World Title match at Taboo Tuesday.

Superstar Billy Graham is in the house!!! He looked pretty good.

They’d been reviewing the Lita situation all night, but they finally updated us on the statements of Gene Snitsky. Gene said that everyone had been blaming him for hurting Lita. He was really green on his promos, but he was pretty intense. I can’t believe that they are building a jobber to be Kane’s next big opponent.

Tajiri and Hurricane had a match where Tajiri gave Hurricane a sweet Blockbuster-type swinging reverse DDT. Tajiri got the win in a match that was way too short.

Chris Jericho cut his hair. My girlfriend Gennie says that he looks like He-Man. Jericho took on Shawn Michaels in a match that was really solid and had Christian on commentary. They did a couple of Skinning the Cat spots, which I always enjoy. Christian decided to interfere after a while, which led to him getting the boot, which led us into the commercial.

Better than ice cream?

When we came back, Michaels was in command. They showed us that he had sent Jericho over the top rope during the break. They worked a solid match, changing leads many times. Michaels took the Sleeperhold takedown that Jericho does. They did a ton of near-falls, leading up to Jericho hitting the Lionsault. He got close, but Michaels kicked out. Tomko tried to interfere, but Jericho knocked him off the ring, but Michaels then gave him the Sweet Chin Music. As Michaels was about to pin Jericho, Christian ran in to cause the DQ, and Tyson Tomko came in as well to attack, probably setting up a tag match. It looked like Jericho may have had his nose busted by Tomko. That’s not good.

They cut into the SmackDown! Rebound to tell us about the happenings at the Hospital. Apparently there was a problem and a bunch of nurses ran into the room and sent Todd Grissom packing. We got a shot of the door, then Kane yelling “NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!”

Ric Flair gave HHH a pep talk saying that HHH was the greatest champ ever. I would say that he has the credentials to make that judgement.

They reviewed the crapfest that was the Diva Search. It looked much better when compressed into less than five minutes. Sad, I’m going to miss being able to mock this. The shot of Amy crying on her way out was touching.

Robert Conway took on Maven. There wasn’t much to this, but Conway is solid in the ring.

The Doctor informed us that Lita had lost her baby. Kane flipped out. Lita seemed catatonic. I’m glad that this is almost over, but I wish they had gone about it another way. Sweet God, this was a terrible angle.

Well, someone's happy about Christy's win...

Speaking of terrible angles, they finished off the Diva Search. Coach ran the two girls down for beating him up last week, and right before he was about to read the name of the winner, Trish Stratus came out to congratulate the winner. She showed no charisma on the mic, making a great reference to Carmella buying herself a personality. She left the ring after telling them that whoever won would be coming to a victory party hosted by Trish next week. My least favorite girl, Christy, won the whole thing. I hate that girl, and now she’s gonna be on my screen off and on for the next year. I’m not at all happy. She did seem to be genuinely excited about winning. Carmella then got the mic, and showed no personality. Coach asked her about the booing that she got, and about the other contestants. Joy will always be the winner in my eyes.

Evolution came to the ring first for the main event, and Batista did a nice thing where he tried to intimidate Lilian ‘Damn!’ Garcia. Chris Benoit, Shelton Benjamin and Randy Orton came out and Shelton started in. He looked really good early on. He and HHH worked really well together. Benjamin took some damage, but he escaped and got the tag off to Benoit. Benoit chopped the hell out of Flair. Flair then did a Flair Flop, and then he managed to get up and catch an enzuigiri from Benoit to do another Flair Flop. Benoit hit the Swandive Headbutt for a near fall. Everyone started brawling at that point, and Orton went to give H the RKO, but HHH sent him into the post. Batista then gave Orton the clothesline, which KO’d him.

Benoit was doing some awesome suplexes when we came back. He tagged Benjamin who came in and did his Flying Splash. Batista and Benjamin worked together, and while not nearly as good as he is working with Benoit, he didn’t quite get there with Shelton. Shelton and Flair then worked, followed by HHH. H gave Shelton a nice Spinebuster, the official move of 2004. Flari chop-blocked Benjamin to set up the leg work-over. Benjamin did an awesome spinning leg lariat before getting a hot tag to Benoit. Benoit gets some advantage, like a German Suplex on Batista and Flair, and the Sharpshooter and cross-face. After a while, Randy Orton came back to the ring and got the RKO on Flair for the pin. The finish got a really good response.

This wasn’t a strong week, but the main event and the Michaels vs. Jericho matches were at least good, and they ended the big trouble spots. They seem to know that they painted themselves into a corner and are ready to start a bunch of new angles.

NEWS
Jim Barnett died this past weekend. He was one of the most significant powerbrokers in the history of wrestling television. He worked from the days of the DuMont Network until his death as an advisor to the WWE. At one point in the 1980s, one of the major gay magazines named him the one of the most important homosexuals in the television business. A noble distinction. He was 80.

I forgot to mention last week that Jamie Noble got the boot from the WWE. The official reason was that he had filed an insurance claim that was not authorized. Other guys have gotten in the same trouble.

Georgiann Makropolous, the first fan honored by Cauliflower Alley, has cancer. She dates back to the 1950s as a fan and was Bruno Sanmartino’s fan club president. I saw one or two of her newsletters back in the day. We’re pullin’ for ya, Georgiann.

Flair was injured over the weekend, but he apparently still had a great match in Tyler, Texas.

FlashBack!
There are a bunch of angles that step from the realm of great into something bigger. Some bookers seem to be better at coming up with these angles than others. Paul Heyman was one of those; so is Vince McMahon at his best. Perhaps the best of these bookers was Bill Watts. He ran the Mid-South promotion out of Louisiana, Mississippi and Oklahoma, and managed to bring in huge crowds for the size of the cities he ran. One of his biggest draws was the Junkyard Dog and one of his most important angles took place in 1980.

The Dog had been on fire for a while in New Orleans and Louisiana, facing all the top heels and winning, carrying them out in his wheelbarrow. He and Buck Robley had beat the Fabulous Freebirds for the Mid-South Tag Team Title. Back in those days, the challengers always got rematches. In the New Orleans rematch, it was Terry Bam Bam Gordy and Buddy Jack Roberts against the champs, but Michael PS Hayes ran in and put the Freebirds Hair Removal Cream in JYD’s eyes. This turned the crowd into a frothing mob, and Hayes had to hide in the trunk of one of his friends cars to make it out through the crowd which wanted his blood. This was just the beginning.

Lovin' New Orleans...

They had JYD stay at home, not leaving his house for weeks. They gave regular updates on his condition, making it look like there was no chance that he’d ever see again, and most certainly never wrestle again. To demonstrate the power of the Dog’s draw, people started sending money, about 600 to 800 bucks a month. Keep in mind that this was 1980s Louisiana, where there wasn’t a lot of money, particularly among the type of fans that JYD attracted. The money came mostly in five dollar bills. The crowd reacted as if they had a member of their family injured. They knew they had lightning in a bottle and they went to the next step.

JYD appeared at the arena and did an interview, saying that his life was awful, that he had actually missed the birth of his first daughter. According to legend, the money doubled that week. The Freebirds had no much heat on them that Michaels Hayes took to wearing a bullet-proof vest when he went into the arena. This was almost used. JYD came back with his cane and dark glasses, and the Freebirds came out, but the Dog dropped them and took on Hayes. A match was set, JYD vs. Michael Hayes in a Dog Collar Match. A fan jumped the rail and he happened to be carrying a gun. He said “Don’t worry Dog, I’m covering you.” The security grabbed him and pulled him to the back before any shots were fired. According to most reporters, there was a back room where they took those who jumped the rail or punched the wrestlers, and they were beated stupid to keep them from doing it again.

JYD beat Hayes stupid in the rematch and that started the big run for JYD. He was the biggest draw in that part of the country until he went to the WWF in late 1984. He was the second banana there, but he will always be remembered as the guy who sold out New Orleans every Monday night for four years.

That’s all for today. See ya on Friday!

Chris Garcia