Falls Count Anywhere

09-06-07

...and someday, Derek will post this.

Steroids and Suspensions
You’ve probably heard about them already, but 10 current WWE names have been connected to the Signature Pharmacy, an internet pharmacy that provides steroids. The trouble is many-fold on this one, both to the product, to the individual livelihood of the workers, and to the view of wrestling as a whole. Let’s look at the list and talk about each person mentioned in the report, both those in and out of the WWE today, and what they mean.

Mr. Kennedy- Well, here’s a big one. He was sent as a spokesman to many interviews and he claimed that he got himself clean in early 2006. Well, he’s been getting growth hormone and other steroid cycle drugs from Signature up until early 2007. He was the original choice for Mr. McMahon’s son, but they had changed that idea a while back. He was going to be getting the push of his life, all the way to being the guy who beat Cena for his belt. This is a big blow and he’s suspended, but it’s probably one of those ‘You keep working and don’t get paid’ suspensions that they seem so fond of.

Eddy Guerrero- He might have been the one who turned folks on to Signature (though a number of football and baseball players were also customers) and he got a lot of stuff from them. The sad thing is he was getting them up until the week he died. It was Eddy’s death more than anything that got folks talking about the Wellness Program.

Chris Benoit- He was getting far more from Dr. Astin, but he did get a package from Signature in February of 2006.

Chavo Guerrero might be the saddest of the names on the list. He’s been feuding with Rey and getting a serious push, but now that seems to be going away. He got roids from Signature from April 2005 through May of 2006. That is over and including the period where Eddy died and the implementation of the Wellness Program. There are folks who expect him to be fired, though he still has that Eddy rub and Vince is said to have given Chavo the Monsoon/Blassie/Skaaland promise of a job for life.

Shane (Gregory) Helms- is currently out with an injury and he’s one of the longest-standing customers of Signature, dating back to 2003. He is the type of guy who is talented, but small, and there’s no way he would have gotten a spot on the WWE roster without ‘roids. It’s sad but true. Will he be fired? Probably.

Randy Orton- It doesn’t take a genius to know that Randy’s on the juice, and he will in no way be fired. He’s got heritage and enough talent and he’s friends with HHH, which means he’s nearly untouchable. He’ll have to do some jobs, but that’ll be it, except for the loss of money from his suspension.

Sho Funaki- Everything I said about Helms being too small goes double for Funaki, but he’s a good talker and got over with his SmackDown! Number 1 Reporter bit. He didn’t need to, but he did (in March of 2006).

Crush- He got a package from them in late 2006, about 5 years after he retired. I’m not sure if he was trying for a comeback, but he ordered them.

Charlie Haas- A lot of different stuff from August through this January. He’s been fired before, but I’d expect him to keep his job even though they have nothing for him, really. They’ll take him off the road and maybe they’ll push Shelton again. That’d be sweet.

William Regal- The guy’s had troubles with drugs for years. He got his last package in November of 2006. That’s a shame as he’s a real talent doing the vignettes and could probably get away without the roids at this point in his career.

Sylvain Grenier- already fired. He was a big talent, but a slight problem backstage. He would have been let go for this if he hadn’t already been fired.

Simon Dean (aka Mike Bucci)- Also fired. He had a lot of heat on him already over his place as a trainer. He’s a guy that TNA would love, but with the tint of Signature on him, TNA would have to be pretty dumb to take him.

Umaga- In 2006, he got stuff from Signature. He is one of the guys who was always known as a partier and it got him fired once already. He’s gotten over to a point and is probably safe.

Santino Marella- Don’t expect him around for long. He’s almost certainly going to get fired for this, and he’s not beloved backstage so he’s got no help in sight.

Edge- From 2004 through 2007, he got stuff. He made several claims that he had stopped using, and I’m expecting him to come back from his injury much smaller. He’s gonna get a lot of heat from management, but I don’t think they’ll do anything more than suspend him.

Booker T- Yeah, we all kinda figured. He’ll have his push taken, but he’s so important right now, what with all the injuries, that I’m guessing he’ll get one of those ‘still on TV’ suspensions.

John Morrison- Wow, he’s a guy who has a world title and ‘roids have already hit him. He had to drop his ECW title to CM Punk (who is legit clean) and will be getting a 60 days suspension. If they let him go, even with all the baggage that hiring him would carry, TNA would take him in a heartbeat.

They also mentioned Rey Mysterio, Chris Masters and Dave Batista. Batista, named by Sports Illustrated, has denied all involvement, and he’s probably telling the truth, in fact. I’m not saying that Big Dave never used, but most of the top guys making top guy money are able to get from legit doctors and pay with cash.

News and Notes
Eugene was fired. Not drugs, he’s been clean since his rehab stint, but because of money. Plus, he just wasn’t doing anything interesting.

Cryme Tyme had an altercation with Cade and Murdoch backstage and were also fired. That’s a bit of a shock as they were viewed as having serious potential and Vince liked working with them. A lot of folks think that some of this is John Laurenitis flexing a bit of his muscle to get the boys under control.

You wanna know what really gets guys hot? The WWE announced that they’d be testing for pot usage in the next set of tests. That’s a big one as there are tons of guys who smoke and use it as a less-serious form of pain relief. It also means that RVD probably won’t be back anytime soon.

Karloff Lagrade, the Mexican star of the 1960s, passed away last week. He was a star and appeared in some of the El Santo movies.

There’s noise about TNA instituting a serious, as in outside of management’s control, drug testing program. The thought is it would be cheaper to do it like that, though there are lots of costs involved. They’re not getting away from this steroid mess unscathed, especially with Kurt Angle on the roster. TNA is still losing money, and with the recent signings they’re only getting worse, so it might not happen.

There was a press conference about the brain damage that the examination of Chris Benoit’s brain discovered. It was pretty extensive and will likely be what’s used to make a case in the battle over Benoit’s estate. It looks like Benoit’s kids from his previous marriage will get most everything, but there are always legal hoops to jump through. The examination revealed a huge amount of concussion damage. They talked about the amount of damage to Benoit’s brain being enough to impair judgment and affect all areas of cognition.

Ric Flair gave his notice to the WWE a couple of weeks back. The WWE is working hard to keep him. Now, here’s an interesting situation. He could just be retiring, though his financial situation isn’t great. He’d probably be able to easily make a living at signings and perhaps even write another book and make that his retirement fund, but I’m fairly certain TNA will make a play for him in some role. True, money’s tight for them, but they’ll make a move for Flair as commish or some such. Japan as a wrestler might be an option, but annual appearances to get a match over for Noah or All Japan might work too. WWE has made some offers to Flair, but no one’s heard what the plan is for him. A Flair retirement tour could be very big.

OK, that’s all for this week!

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Chris Garcia