Falls Count Anywhere

09-06-05

It never rains in Sunny California.

SmackDown!
SD! was a show that I wasn’t much into much of the way. I guess starting with a Heidenreich match isn’t the way to get me into a show. It was Big John’s match with Mercury that opened things up. I really don’t get the Heidenreich push, though I can see that the Road Warriors push is a natural to draw some money. The match was pretty bad, though he’s had worse. Heidenreich won with the Low Down. After the match, Nitro jumped Heidenreich and Animal cleared the ring making the save, then they got Melina up for the Doomsday Device. Nitro and Mercury then saved Melina and left the New LoD laying.

Jillian Hall kissed up to the network stooge. Christy and Stacey came out and complained about not being able to do their Lingerie Pillow Fight last week. Palmer Canon, which is a great name for a detective and probably was one of the disgarded names for the repackaged Chavo, said that he was acting in the best interest of the Network and that they’d have a wrestling match later in the show.

Bob Orton introed Randy Orton, who then did a weak promo. It could have been really good, but Randy was just on an off night. He talked about the Undertaker Retirement Fund and then he said that Rey Mysterio wasn’t a good father like Bob Orton Jr. Well, at least Bob is taller then his kid.

Benoit beat Jordan with the Crossface in 22 seconds, basically burying Jordan further and getting Benoit over as a force. I liked it and the fact that they seem to be giving him faster and faster wins will eventually get ridiculous.

Stacey and Christy were about to get into their match when Rob Conway ...I mean Sylvan Grenier ...interrupted. The two gimmicks are very similar and Conway’s is so much better. Hardcore Holly interrupted him as he was putting himself over and that led to Grenier touching Hardcore, laying him out. Weak stuff.

Booker took on Ken Kennedy. I like Kennedy’s announcing himself. I think he’ll be a solid mid-carder. Christian did commentary and was playing off of Tazz really well. Christian also said that he had a broken nose. Booker was on the top rope, but got distracted when Sharmell and Christian started arguing. This allowed Kennedy to get the Steam Roller off the top for the pin. I love that move.

Simon Dean was out and said that Batista used Simon System. I had no idea that the Simon System was anabolic steroids. Simon referred to announcer Tony Chimmel as the ‘Round Mound of Sound’ which made me laugh. Batista came out and said that he’d never tried the Simon system and he drank it down and said it made him stronger and more aggressive. He gave Simon a clothesline and a Spinebuster, but then he slowed down until he had another sip of Simon’s System and then hulked up and gave Simon the DemonBomb. A really fun little comedy segment here.

They had a match with Paul Burchill and William Regal against Scotty 2 Hotty and Funaki. It was an average match and completely unspecial. The finish was Burchill giving Funaki the Shoulder Breaker followed by the Arm Bar for the tap.

When you intend to die, you can accomplish anything.

Eddie did a great promo from behind a fence saying that he’s lost his family and that Rey can’t beat him because he’s already lost everything. He was creepy and good at this one.

Randy Orton beat Rey Mysterio in a really solid match. Orton made fun of Rey being so short, but Rey hit a really good Tilt-a-Whirl Hurrancanrana. After a break, Orton seemed to be grounding Rey, using a rear naked choke and then used his exposed knee to choke Rey. Rey was on defense until he rolled through a Suplex attempt and got a Small Package. Mysterio then got a Bulldog. Orton gave him a Dropkick to the gut and then when he went for an Elbow off the Top, Rey kicked him and he landed with his face on the middle rope. Orton got up fast, which annoyed the crowd which wanted to see the 619. Rey hit the 619 not too much later, which the crowd loved. He went up for the Springboard, but Bob Orton stopped him, though Rey did go for one a second later, but was met with a Low Blow. Randy sat Rey on the top and gave him the RKO for the win.

Not a great show, but the Main Event was good enough for me.

RAW
I had just gotten back from the airport and settled in for a fairly OK RAW. We opened with Kurt Angle and Eugene going at it again. Kurt just dominated the match and looked great. Angle started with a Belly-to-Back suplex right from the get go. Angle just destroyed Eugene early. Kurt was wearing a Red, White and Blue mouthpiece! Sweet! Angle hits a backbreaker for a near fall. Eugene tried to come off the ropes and Angle Clotheslines him! Eugene tried to even things out, but when he went for the Hacksaw Duggan three-point stance, he ran right into an Uppercut! Ankle Lock wins it for Angle and he’s looking unbeatable. Angle releases the Ankle Lock after a while, but then puts it on again. Cena runs in to a great pop and chases off Angle, but takes a big boot from Tyson Tomko. Wow, that was sudden. Cena sells it like he was shot.

The HeartThrobs took on Val Venis and Viscera in a really bad tag match. The HeartThrobs selling point in OVW was their entrance, and here, it was clipped. Viscera gave the HeartThrobs huge Back Body Drops. I mean they were Arena Coliseo main event type big. Viscera hit a Samoan Drop for the win. This was five wasted minutes.

Ashley is such a happy girl.

Carlito’s Cabana featured Miss Ashley. Carlito is the funniest guy in the WWE right now and Ashley kept laughing. Good thing Jim Cornette wasn’t around or the girl would’ve had her bell rung. They passed a few insults back and forth and Carlito grabbed an apple. This led Ric Flair to come out and he used his dirtiest player tactics, including the Flair Crotch Squish and some finger biting to get the advantage. Flair then says that he’s taking Carlito to School and that he’ll beat him for the IC title which would be the first time he’s ever held it. Flair then gave an elbow to an apple and then another got a knee drop. This was a good segment when Flair was around, but Ashley needs some seasoning to work with these guys and not laugh.

They showed a recap of Edge and Hardy from last week that looked great. Matt Hardy gets a wild response when he shows up in Bischoff’s office. Bisch tells him that he’s got to fight Snitsky and that the match against Edge at Unforgiven is in a cage. The Snitsky match follows with Hardy not even having his wrestling garb. Edge comes out after Snitsky and takes a seat at the announce table. The match was weak, though Hardy got some good offense. A Spinebuster gives Snitsky the win and he has the ring bell and is about to destroy Hardy when The Big Show’s music hits. He tells Snitsky not to do it, and he does followed by Snitsky running out through the crowd.

John Cena beat Tyson Tomko with the FU in a match that had way too much Cena offense. Tomko is not the type of guy that Cena should be fighting because he can’t make up for Cena’s weaknesses. That said, they gave Cena a big win over a big guy, so it kinda helps him. Plus, the crowd loves him. He gets giant pops night after night. They obviously see that he’s going to raise to Hogan level at some point, and it may be sooner than they think. After Cena made his way up the ramp, Angle attacked and beat on Cena to big ‘You Suck!’ chants. Kurt gave Cena the AngleSlam on the ramp and raises the title high above the downed Cena. Good ending at least. Kurt then does a good promo. They’ve built this match beautifully.

I'd be submissive, too.

Torrie, Candace and Victoria come to the ring. Candace comes in through Torrie's legs. That proves that Torrie is the Alpha-Female. Ashley comes out. The match is really bad, but it shows that Ashley is working on things. She tried a Sunset Flip, but it just bombed. Torrie stomped the hottest tomboy in America and then stood on Ashley’s hair and raised her by her arms. Ouch. Ashley ends up outside and Victoria drops her face first on the edge of the ring apron, then sends her in where Torrie give her that old Face Plant move that her husband used to use. I kinda like Team Torrie.

Shelton Benjamin and Rob Conway have a nice little match. Kerwin Smith comes out on a golf cart. Lots of good work, especially Benjamin busting out a nice Samoan Drop. Conway gets a good deal of offense too and he looks good. Finish was weird. Shelton his a big Clothesline off the top for a near-fall and then went for something off the rope. Kerwin then hooked him with an Open-Faced Sandwedge and Conway rolled Shelton up. Why is it that Shelton always loses despite getting great matches out of almost everybody?

Mick Foley, who recently signed some sort of agreement with the WWE, was shown at a book signing for his new piece. It looked good and he said he was getting the itch again. That’s wild, because he’s now past 40 and he’s lost a lot of weight. Still, he’ll get great pops and can always do good promos.

Hurricane and Rosie lost to Cade and Murdoch. This was really good at points, as Murdoch is a great old fashioned Redneck character and seems to have channeled Big Dick Murdoch perfectly. The big deal was Murdoch and Cade using Double Team moves. Like I’ve said before, any team that does them looks much better nowadays. Double Clotheslines, Double Elbow, just good work. This goes back and forth and ends with Murdoch getting the Bulldog off the Top Rope. Fun match, though the crowd was not into the Rednecks.

Shawn Michaels took the Masterlock Challenge. They did the chair thing and Masters backed off once because he wasn’t feeling it. Then he locked it in and the thing started. Big time heat for HBK. He fought it all over, taking Masters into the turnbuckles, dropping him face first into one of them, then even did the push back thing that had Piper pinning Bret Hart back in 1991. Shawn couldn’t escape, but then he went with the Backkick crotch shot and that didn’t work. Master threw Michaels down and then hit him with a chair and put it on again. The ref then rang the bell.

Besides that weird ending, the Main Event was a hot segment. The show was pretty good and I’m hoping that they keep building this well for another couple of weeks.

That’s all for this one. Thanks!

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Chris Garcia