Falls Count Anywhere

08-20-07

I'm the new Queen of Mean.

Note
If you’re looking for RAW next week, you’ll have to go to SciFi instead of USA. They’re running the US Open so they’ve shifted. What are you gonna do?

SmackDown!
That’s right, I watched it this week. Almost all of it, in fact. I did take a minor break while I made some soup, but other than that, I actually paid attention…well, I was reading Hollywood Babylon part of the time.

They had MVP start with the MVP Lounge. I gotta say that MVP has grown on me, and since they discovered his little heart matter he’s been talking and has been pretty good.

This really is a win for the testing, as they never would have caught this unless they had the full-scale testing. Now, I’m not saying that the testing is perfect, but we’ll start to see things like this caught more and more often.

MVP brought out Matt Hardy and they announced the Hardy would be fighting Evander Holyfield instead of MVP. Yes, the real Evander. They had The Masterpiece come out and did the Masterlock Challenge and then MVP hit the Playmaker after. Good stuff.

What was in that soup?

I caught the Sounds of the 60s Infomercial, the one that is hosted by Peter ‘I must need money because I’m doin’ a freakin’ Time-Life infomercial’ Fonda and they showed an old photo of Van Morrison singing "Brown-Eyed Girl" and he looks exactly like Vince McMahon. I’m not sure why I’m pointing that out now…

Deuce and Domino took on the Major Brothers. I like the greaser gimmick. This was a very basic match and one that kept moving and wasn’t dull. The Majors are a fast team. I like that. While they did the job to Deuce and Domino, who aren’t terribly talented but are fun, they did look good.

They had a segment where they said that Khali might be Vince’s son because of the trip McMahon took to India. Interesting.

Finlay and Jamie Noble had a match. It was a lot of fun for the shortness. Finlay had the Indian Deathlock, or whatever they’re calling it, on Noble when Kane’s music and fireworks hit. That led to Kane coming down with his taped ribs. He gave Finlay the boot, but Hornswaggle pushes Noble to Kane and he takes the Chokeslam while Finlay bails. Fun stuff. I’m glad they’ve given Noble a second -- or is it third? -- chance.

Chavo took on Shannon Moore. They are having Chavo talking to the Rey Mysterio mask. He did that gimmick a couple of times in WCW. Sadly, Pepito the Hobby Horse will not be returning.

This was another good match and it shows why Shannon Moore is a real talent. He’s very Bobby Eaton when it comes to lack of booking respect while being very respected by the boys and the audience. Beautiful Cockscrew Moonsault for a near-fall. Chavo worked the knee and almost had the GoryBomb when Shannon rolled him up. Chavo hit a Brainbuster for the win. Good stuff.

They had a talking fest between Batista and Khali. I got my soup. It was Split Pea with Ham and Bacon from Safeway’s new take-away foods section. It’s pricey, but the entire line of soups is very good. Khali talking is very bad.

Mark Henry squashed a guy. I can’t believe they’re still trying to get him over. Let him loose on some comedy, dammit! He’s actually pretty funny (remember his affair with Mae Young?) and it would keep him out of the title hunt. He also found himself face to face with the Undertaker’s mystical sand. I think it’s a metaphor.

Together they're smokin' hot.

Michelle McCool and Torrie Wilson were named Bridesmaids for Theodore R. Long’s wedding to Krystal. Victoria comes in and is ticked that she’s not going to be in the wedding party. This leads to Michelle getting slapped by Victoria, and then Victoria ducks and Kenny Dykstra gets slapped instead. This was a funny bit and it led to a catfight. Michelle McCool and Victoria then had a match and it was awful. I think that the set-up was so much better than the match. Michelle’s hot. Victoria is still smokin’!

The Great Khali and Kane had a horrible match. I mean I’d rather watch Hogan’s 1995 main events against the Faces of Fear than see this crap again. Khali uses the Claw to get the win. It was like watching these guys move under water. Kane’s good, when he has to be, but here there was nothing he could do.

I hope they get rid of Khali soon, but I think they’re waiting for someone’s return (Lashley?) to make a big star out of himself by destroying Khali. Until then, we get The Claw or, as he did the Batista after the match, the head-popping double claw (formerly known as the Kona Crush).

That’s all for today. More on Thursday!

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Chris Garcia