Falls Count Anywhere

08-16-05

I pay in non-sequential hundreds.

RAW
If you’ve got a feud where you are likely to have to put over a washed-up has-been like Hulk Hogan, you should make the most out of every interview. Shawn Michaels, one of the greatest promos in the history of the business, did just that with his opening tirade.

He was amazing, talking about Bret Hart and how he screwed him and how he’ll never come back because Shawn finished him. Since they were in Montreal, it went over huge with more heel heat than you’ll almost ever see. It was great stuff. They did two fake outs, the first by playing Bret Hart’s music, the second by playing Hogan’s. No one came out either time and Shawn played it perfectly.

The Big Show squashed the Heart Throbs with a Double Chokeslam. This was a true squash. They have something good in the HTs, but for some reason they aren’t interested in pushing them.

The Eugene Invitational featured Rene Dupree, who came out to a serious face reaction. Lawler kept making his Bizarro World references. Kurt Angle ran in and jumped both Rene and Eugene before it got started. He beat on the both of them for a while. Kurt made himself into a maniac and they played that up big for the rest of the show.

They cut Elizabeth from the finals of the Diva Search, leaving Leyla and Ashley. It kinda seemed like they just wanted to wrap it up quickly and get it over with. My top two are the top two this year, which could have happened last year if Joy and Amy had been first and second instead of the red head and the Playmate.

Bischoff congratulated Jericho ahead of time on becoming the new Heavyweight Champion. Bischoff said that he couldn’t lose because they were in Canada, but Jericho piped up that he was from Western Canada, which was way different from Quebec. Carlito then said his Canada-only catchphrase “That’s cool, eh.” Funny stuff that led into the match. It was really a handicapped match with Jericho and Carlito having to tag in and out. Bischoff carried out the Canadian flag and that managed to turn the crowd mostly behind Cena. There were still hold-outs. The two worked over Cena for ages, and Jericho eventually applied the Walls of Jericho, but Cena powered out and knocked Jericho into Carlito, leading Cena to make his comeback and hit the FU on Carlito. Jericho then came in and gave Cena a serious head shot with the chair to leave the big man laying. Good stuff.

I'll pay in non-sequential hundreds.

I backed the right horse from the start. Ashley won the whole thing and is our newest Diva winner. She wore this terrible outfit, but she showed a whole lot of boob. She kept screeching, which was kinda annoying and kinda hot at the same time. She’s certainly got the look to be a WWE Diva, and she showed that she’s interested in learning the wrestling side too. I like her!

Edge came out with Lita to take on Val Venis. This got more time than usual, and Edge got a face reaction, though the crowd chanted things at Lita in Frog talk. The match was good with lots of back and forth. Edge hit a spear and then put on the Edge-acution for the submission. They gave Val a lot in this match, which was a nice thing to see instead of burying him on Velocity. He could really be a big name again.

Rob Conway was checking himself out when Stacey showed up. He hit on her a little and she said that Hurricane was prettier. Hurricane came out and made some comments before the two had their match. Conway won after Hurricane missed a Shining Wizard and he hit the Ego Trip and a Flying Elbow. Again, nearly a squash.

Kurt Angle got DQed in his match against Hulk Hogan when Shawn Michaels came out and attacked Hogan. The match wasn’t good. Hogan still throws those terrible punches and the only credible offense he had was the throwing of Angle into the post on the outside. Angle hit him with a couple of standard back suplexes, but Hulk couldn’t get around for the AngleSlam. Hulk hulked up, but when he went for the Big Boot, he could only get his leg up to the bottom of Kurt’s chest. HE paused to do the ear cup thing when Michaels attacked.

This show needs help fast. After working out a deal with Bret where Montreal wasn’t going to be the focus of a Bret DVD, they go and do an episode where the entire focus is Bret Hart getting screwed. Still, it was entertaining at times, especially when they were exploiting the Montreal finish. There are things which are slimey and backstabbing but are also good TV, and this was one of those times. They also seriously need to repush their tag team titles.

NEWS
Frankie The Future Kazarian was let go from the WWE this weekend. He’d wanted out and the WWE let him out. It’s a shame because I really think he could be a real star if they just gave him a chance. No word on where he’ll turn up next, but I’m guessing Ring of Honor is in the running.

RAW and SD! last week both did very average numbers. They’ve plateaued even though they’ve had Hogan around, so those numbers were expected to be higher.

I’ll write up TNA’s Sacrifice on Friday, as the tape hasn’t arrived in my hot little hands. From what I hear, decent show and with an AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe match, I don’t doubt it.

SummerSlam Preview
This is the first SummerSlam in years that I know will be a sad reminder of how hot SummerSlams used to be. There’s a lot of great stuff there, but so little of it will connect unless there is a miracle and the booking gets better.

Eugene vs. Kurt Angle could be a good match. Eugene vs. Kurt Angle could be a very bad match. I’m not sure which way they are going to go with this one, but I’m guessing they’ll give them about 10 minutes and that’ll be mostly comedy from Eugene and Kurt then turns it on the beats the hell out of Eugene. Unless they want to keep Eugene and Kurt’s feud going for a potential cage match or some such in which case Eugene gets the hell beaten out of him and he ends up winning through some awesome reversal. I’m still going with the former on this one.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero in a Ladder match. At least that’s what’s been going around. The Dominic storyline is weird, and it almost requires that Eddie win here, but there’s no guarantee that’s the way they’ll head. I still think they’ll let Mysterio win and then drag the feud another month or two. That’s not the smartest move, but I wouldn’t mind seeing it go that way. The ladder will allow the guys to do big moves and look good. My only question is how they’ll handle the injury factor. I’d still like to see them finish this here, but I don’t think they will. Rey takes it in a spot fest.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton. This match should only have one ending: Randy RKOing Undertaker and getting the pin. This should lead to no more matches, but the two should be hinted at each other until WrestleMania when the final of the best of three takes place and UT finally loses at Mania. That’s just smart business as Orton is young, likely the future of the business if they let him be, and the Undertaker needs to play some ball and create a new major star. I hope it works out, because this is exactly what Orton needs right now.

When will we really see the end of Hogan wrestling?

Batista takes on JBL for the Title. This is sad as I really don’t much care. JBL won’t be getting the title now, and probably not ever again, but Batista is stale and the people aren’t responding to him like they did a few weeks ago. Batista wins and this ends up being another step towards the final match between these two at Survivor Series. End this feud.

John Cena takes on Chris Jericho for the title. The Jericho vs. Cena feud has been hot, mostly due to the fact that Jericho has done some great promos and Cena is super over with just about everyone. I’m betting on a good match where Jericho keeps Cena from looking too bad. That’s not easy, and I’m fairly certain that this will be a regular match and not a bloodbath. Cena retains and goes forward. Jericho loses and is pushed for another few months as a whiner who wants to be a rock star.

Matt Hardy vs. Edge. The best mic work of the year belongs to Edge. His promo last week just tore this thing wide open. He was great and the way they reintroduced Matt was wonderful. Some have said that this lost steam when Vince introduced Matt back into the WWE and when he wrestled Gene Snitsky, but I think these will both help him as he was given a win over Snitsky, who is kinda pushed and certainly well-positioned, and is looking strong going in. I’m excited and I think everyone expects this to steal the show. I also expect that this might turn out to be a bloodbath.

The Main Event is Hogan vs. Michaels. Michaels shouldn’t lose, but it won’t matter if he does. Hogan shouldn’t win, but it won’t matter if he does. There’s just no reason to have Hulk get the win. There’s a good reason to give Shawn the win, because he’s gonna be around in a year, but I don’t see Hulk letting that happen. It’ll be one of those matches where the atmosphere is what sells it. I don’t think this’ll be as heated as Rock vs. Hogan, or Hogan vs. Warrior, but I think it’ll be an event that folks can remember.

That’s all for today. TNA and more on Friday!

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Chris Garcia