Falls Count Anywhere

08-10-04

Ah...but which cheeks?

RAW
They opened with The Coach and the Diva Search contestants. Coachman was about to announce who had been eliminated when The Theme To Evolution came on and Randy Orton walked out in a boss (I doubt it was Hugo Boss) suit. He took over the duties and announced that the other twin, Chandra Costello, had been eliminated. He then cut a wicked good promo on her and Benoit. At some point, all the girls headed out of the ring. Orton was getting a great heel reaction. I think that he’s benefited so much from being around Flair.

Randy asks the crowd what they were doing when they were twenty-four (I was living in Boston), since he’ll be a twenty-four year old World Champion. They had him say the youngest world champ ever, but I’m certain that Tommy Wildfire Rich and Lou Thesz were both younger when they had their NWA World Title reigns. Chris Benoit comes out and Randy has them play the footage of Randy pinning Chris from last week. They show it, then Benoit says that they should show footage of Randy tapping out. Randy freaks, saying that he’s never tapped, but while he’s poking Benoit in the chest, Chris grabs his arm and drags him down into the crossface, which leads to Orton tapping. Great segment, and there’s no better way to draw heel heat than to have a heel mock the Divas.

Victoria/Nidia/Stacy Keibler took on Jazz/Molly Holly/Gail Kim in a six-woman match that was terribly good, but moved pretty well. Gail Kim, who suffered a busted implant a while back, didn’t get to do her rad submissions. This was a very straight-ahead match and it was pretty forgettable. Nidia came in after Stacy had been beat on for a while, hit a couple of clotheslines, took a wicked looking neckbreaker from Molly, then got the pin with a roll-up on Gail Kim. Meh. Trish comes down to the ring with Tyson, then she says something to both the teams and everyone comes out smiling. Weird.

They did a nice piece with Eugene and William Regal back at the hotel. Eugene wants to go and beat up Evolution, but Regal plays the wise man and said for him to stay there since Evolution will just ambush them if they show up. Regal went to the rest room and Eugene did his internal debate, then listened to the little devil on his shoulder and went to the arena. Hmmmmm…

The continuing story of Lita, Matt and Kane continued with Lita revealing that the paternity tests said that Kane would be her baby daddy. Matt freaks, beats up a little bit of the set, then walks out. This leads into the contract signing, which featured that same table they always use. Kane came out first, then Matt’s music, with Lita following. Lita signs first, and then a very jolly Kane, cracking a few jokes, signs the ‘’Til Death Do Us Part’ match contract. Matt is very hesitant, punches the table, then finally signs. Kane says that now the world knows that Kane is more of a man than Matt will ever be, which leads to Matt turning over the table on Kane. He beats on him a little and stands over him saying ‘You will be mine!’ Oddly enough, the VH-1 Behind the Music of Guns and Roses was on at about the same time.

I really respect Garcia's annoyance with the DIVA search, and yet, I can't help but think that boy ain't right.

Coach introduced the Diva Search contest for the week. This week: selling Ice Cream. The girls did an awful job, but the editors should be the ones who get blamed. Always build to the biggest happening. Joy, the boobtastic contestant, opened things up by smearing ice cream all over herself. You end this segment with that, not open it, since none of the other girls did anything like that. Amy was OK, and Carmella got a big reaction.

Edge and Chris Jericho had a match to start out the second hour. Jericho’s physique is going south on him. He’s never been super muscular, but he looked a little flabby. Both guys got fairly good face reactions coming out. Traditional trading of advantage to open, and then Jericho gets an extended sequence in control. Jericho didn’t seem nearly as fluid as he typically does. Jericho starts working the back of Edge, which makes sense when your finisher is the Walls of Jericho. Jericho goes for a springboard clothesline, which JR says was going to be a dropkick, and Edge ducks, sending Jericho to the floor. They go to break and when we came back, we got Edge in control with a chinlock. Edge worked his advantage for a while, but Jericho got a few moves in. Jericho went for his bulldog, but Edge blocked it. Edge then goes for a dropkick, but Jericho grabbed the ropes. Jericho then went for a Lionsault, but Edge lifted his knees. These are obviously two guys who have worked together before. The finish was cool, as Jericho leapfrogged a spear and got a roll-up for the pin. Batista hit the ring and beat on Edge. Jericho watched but did nothing. Edge got up after two spinebusters, but got hit with a mad clothesline Really strong match that built up the SummerSlam three-way nicely.

Eugene showed up in the arena without Regal. Eugene calls HHH into the ring, but H shows up on the TitanTron saying that Eugene just didn’t get the message that he was sending. He told him that Regal was right and he should have stayed at the hotel room. HHH then shows a bloodied Regal, then told Eugene that it was all his fault. Smart, if somewhat transparent, segment.

Rhyno and Tajiri had two minutes to beat a pair of jobbers. If they did, they’d get a shot at La Resistance at SummerSlam. This was a pretty lame match, with Rhyno hitting the Gore with about 10 seconds left, but La Resistance hopped onto the apron, so that the ref couldn’t make the count by the two minute time limit. I believe that was the first time limit draw in almost 5 years on RAW.

The Diva search contestants come out in bikinis. Carmella gets a huge pop, for some reason. Joy and Amy and Carmella were easily the hottest babes out there. The contracted Divas came out and said that they’d be facing the Diva Search contestants in a Dodgeball game at SummerSlam. Leave it to the WWE to hop on the Dodgeball bandwagon.

Randy Orton and HHH were supposed to take on Benoit and Eugene, but Eugene went to see Regal, so it was a handicapped match (funny, I thought Eugene wasn’t involved…). The match opened with Benoit knocking Orton and HHH around with chops and shoulder blocks. If you establish that a single guy can take care of business from the beginning, you’re better off as you work towards the finish.

Oh, they shouldna oughtna done that...

Eventually, HHH and Orton got the advantage and used some very smart tag team tactics. It’s nice to see tag team wrestling coming back. Orton did a flying stomp, which I always appreciate. Benoit got to take back the lead for a while, hitting germans on H, and generally working the situation. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter, but Flair helps him break the hold. Orton goes for the RKO, but Benoit turns it into a crossface. Flair interferes, which gives Benoit the DQ win. Flair comes in and Benoit nails him, but HHH gave him a pedigree. He was about to go to town on Benoit with a chair, but Eugene came out and beats down HHH and then gives Orton a Stunner. Nice way to close and the crowd seemed to really love it.

Good show, better than most recent editions. The Diva stuff is annoying, but it’s coming down to the end in the next month, so I’ll suffer. Eugene is being used right again, and Regal may get back over to the point where he will contend for Best Non-Wrestler in the Observer polls. Strong way to lead into SummerSlam.

NEWS
Not too much. Brock Lesnar is refusing to sign wrestling memorabilia at training camp. He also made a hard tackle in a scrimmage and is getting heat for it. He is still dating Sable, and there is talk that if the NFL doesn’t work out for him, and there is talk that his temper may cost him a spot if his play doesn’t do so first, that Vince would try and use Sable as the way to get him interested in coming back.

Kurt Angle has been working on the writers, or so say several reports. He has been giving folks not only ideas for his character, but is trying to direct the direction of his feuds and so on. This sounds a lot like the way folsk described HHH back in 1998 and 1999.

Shelton Benjamin’s hand is 100% better and there is talk, albeit quiet talk, that he’ll be a part of a new face team constructed to hunt Evolution. The thought goes like this: Orton will leave Evolution and be replaced, likely by Edge, and then lead a group against Evo leading to HHH vs. Orton at WrestleMania. The names that have been mentioned are Benjamin, Benoit and Jericho.

There is a rapper who is ragin’ against the Iron Sheik. He calls himself The Iron Sheik, and he drops made rhymes that disparage the legendary WWF heel. According to the Observer, he’s doing it because the Sheik was a sell-out and would allow his heritage to be mocked to make money. Ouch!

Japanese Wrestler Yoshiahiro Takayama is in a bad way. He suffered a cerebral thrombosis after his G-1 Tourney match with Kensuke Sasaki. Both guys ended up in the hospital, but Takayama was in far worse shape. He’ll be out for a few months, which for a Japanese wrestler means a couple of weeks.

It’s Wrestling Observer Hall of Fame time again, and this year two names are on the ballot for the first time that you really gotta think about: Kurt Angle and HHH. My thought is that they both should get in. Others say that Kurt hasn’t been around long enough, though he’s probably the best worker in the world, or at least was before his injury, and will probably be in at some point. HHH should be in for headlining the most profitable time in US wrestling history, but he may suffer the same fate as Shawn Michaels, sine he too played politics and used his dating / marriage of Stephanie McMahon to get his push increased. I’d vote for both, but I have a feeling that neither will make it in this time.

I love the '70's.

A Flash FlashBack!
I love Bigfoot. There is nothing I love better than the concept that in the Pacific Northwest, and perhaps around the world, that Gigantopithicus has survived and is currently hiding out in the forest, eating berries and sleeping under broken trees. I’ve watched every frame of the Patterson-Gimlin film of 1967 and the Redwoods video of 1995. I’ve seen them all, and I love them all. What does this have to do with Wrestling?

Andre the Giant, that’s what it’s got to do with wrestling.

The Six Million Dollar Man ran a two part episode to start of February, 1976. I wasn’t even 2 yet, but I can remember watching it. My Dad, a wrestling fan and a sci-fi geek back then, never missed an episode, and I can remember sitting on my diapered butt and staring at the TV. I used to make the jump sound effects and barble along with the theme song. And I remember seeing Andre come up on the screen and screaming and running for my Mommy. I had nightmares about Bigfoot for ages, and that led me to read everything I could get my hands on about good ole sasquatch.

I can recall the details from rewatching it in the early 1980s in syndication. The episode was really lame: there was a group of aliens, one of which was the super-fine Stephanie Powers, who had created the sasquatch. Steve fought Bigfoot on one episode in the double-edition, then befriended him in another. There was a memory erase at the end, which I always hate, and that was that.

Anybody want a peanut?

Andre hadn’t done much acting before that, and would only do a few more movies. He did get work on BJ and the Bear as well as in Zorro over the next few years. There is a thought that he was also in Conan The Destroyer, though he’s not credited. None of these matter to me, though. Only his turn as Sasquatch/Bigfoot/Skunk Ape led me forward to years of wasting my precious time when I could be researching something useful.

(At this point, the editor suffered an aneurysm that Chris Garcia could wax rhapsodic over Andre The Giant's acting career and not actually mention The Princess Bride. Please, please, please. If you donate a dollar, I'll beat Garcia senseless.)

That’s all for this week. Friday will feature a look at SummerSlam!

Chris Garcia