Falls Count Anywhere

08-09-07

Like a fine jalapeno...

RAW
I got back from my trip in time to see RAW. It wasn’t a very good show, but there was a brilliant moment and yet another reason to love the William Regal.

Vince McMahon came out and they finally gave it out that he had faked his own death to see who was loyal to him. At least they got it out of the way. Vince was all over this show and that’s not a good thing. The crash of the ratings was probably the reason for bringing him back, but I’m fairly certain it won’t help. He said that there would be a Battle Royal with the winner being the new General Manager. I was sitting there hoping that we’d get William Regal.

And we did.

It was a typical Battle Royal and pretty entertaining. The final four was actually a good sign as they had Sandman, who is underused, Carlito, who has some charisma and can work a little, Shelton, who is criminally underused, and Cody Rhodes, who needs the push. Regal had feigned an injury and slid out, so that when it looked like Sandman had won, he came back and eliminated him.

It’s an old play, and I’d ding them for going that way, but the aftermath was awesome. Regal pranced. That’s right. Pranced. It was an awesome sight and having Regal back as GM is a nice touch. He’s really good at these things.

Coach was unhappy with Regal being chosen and Vince said that Coach was Regal’s assistant. He also made a Barney Fife reference in regards to the Congressional investigation. That was a bad idea.

The WWE -- bringing you fights you'd do with your action figures...

Booker continued his thing with Lawler and HHH. He said they were both pretenders to the throne. They set up a ceremony for next week’s RAW where the winner of the Lawler-Booker match would be crowned. I figure that for the return of HHH.

Snitsky squashed Rory of the Highlanders. Wanna talk about totally disavowed? The Highlanders could have been big deals in the tag ranks, but now -- now they are nothing. Snitsky’s got potential. I never would have said that a year ago.

They had a match between Jillian Hall and Mickie James. James lost. That was just flat wrong. They’re pushing the idea of a Hall-Lillian Garcia feud because Lillian’s releasing an album and Hall says people want to hear her sing and not Lillian. Mickie came out and hit a few moves, but Hall got the pin with the Full Nelson Drop, which I will hereby call the Hall Fall.

They did Carlito’s Cabana with John Cena. I missed the Cabana. I remember the feud these two had when Carlito arrived on the scene, and if it hadn’t been for injuries, Carlito would be a bigger star now. There was a lot of comedy here, more than a World Champ should do, but it was entertaining. They had Orton run in, but Cena ran him out. Regal then said that there’d be a Cena match and made it sound like it would be either Orton or Carlito, but it ended up going to Umaga.

Vince talked about getting his family back. He did make me laugh by saying that Linda had taken comfort in the arms of Basil DeVito, which was a sweet touch. I already think there’s been too much Vince.

King Booker and Jerry The King had a match that was really slow. I don’t think it was Booker’s fault. Lawler can go when he wants to, but he was way off here. I saw folks saying that this reminded them of one of those matches in front of an indy crowd between two old timers, but I wouldn’t go that far. Booker’s been hurt, Lawler’s almost 60, so they were up against the clock. Booker won.

Do they need a chaperone?

They did a Dating Game thingee with Maria choosing between Ron Simmons, Santino and Jim Duggan. They made Maria look retarded. They had her not recognize Santino’s voice and she chose Ron Simmons. I would have, too. This was Regal’s show and he was really funny. He’s so good at these bits. He’s a solid worker and a great talker, too.

Cena beat Umaga by DQ when Orton and Carlito ran in. The match itself was pretty good as these two know each other well and Cena is always working Main Event style these days. Cena had the SFTU on Umaga when Carlito and Randy hit the scene. Umaga was mad that they interfered and beat them up, cementing their turn.

With the roster thinning again, they needed another face for the fray. It ended with Vince going to his limo and Coach running up with a summons about a paternity suit about Vince’s illegitimate child. This is going to get real bad real fast.

The WWE is so thin right now. Jeff Hardy is out because he violated company policy (I’m reading that as Drugs, but it could be no-showing or leaking to the Internet) and Lashley’s out, too. Edge’s injuries are more serious than they thought. They need to make the most out of what they got and an Umaga turn, while a bit out of range, might help.

They can not wait for HHH and Rey Misterio to get back.

Some Other News
Pacman Jones said that he’d actually be wrestling. That’s a terrible thing for the image of TNA, but still probably better than what Vince is doing taking on the Feds in angles on RAW.

Samoa Joe got married a couple of weekends ago. I’m glad to hear it. That boy, one of the hardest workers in all of wrestling, needs to settle down a little. I heard that he wrestled almost 330 matches in 2006.

Edge’s injuries were really bad and he’ll be out longer than expected, and Lashley goes under soon and they’re not expecting good news with that one either.

Farewell, big man...

Last week, along with Karl Gotch, we lost Tor Kamata, a big name in the Stampede area. I had forgotten about him and the fact that he was one of Stampede’s best heels for a long time.

The Jackass deal is officially off. The big hang-up was Johnny Knoxville pulling out because of the Chris Benoit thing and his schedule was tight to begin with. It’s a good thing because Jeff Hardy was scheduled to be a major player in the angle and with his suspension, they’d have had to rework it. WWE folks seemed to be cursed of late.

Kurt Angle is looking into MMA again, and this one may be closer than ever before. Strikeforce wants him, and made a smallish but substantial offer, and BoDog made a different offer that would probably hasten their inevitable failure. UFC wants nothing to do with him. Brock Lesnar has been fielding offers, too, and Strikeforce might be the right place for him. Lesnar and Angle met in a really good match in Japan a few weeks ago.

No new word on anything surrounding the Benoit case. The pool man did see Chris and Daniel playing in the pool after Nancy would have likely been killed. There are a lot of questions still, like what happened to the diaries that both Nancy and Chris kept. It would seem that Chris destroyed them, but where and how isn’t known. There are a couple of books on the events coming out shortly.

That’s all for today. More on Monday!

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Chris Garcia