Falls Count Anywhere

07-26-05

Blame the Magic Kingdom.

Cena and Bischoff had a face-off backstage. This is all together too Austin-McMahon. Cena is way over, and it will stay that way. Putting him and Bischoff together won’t help either, though it probably won’t hurt.

There were midgets with The Heart Throbs and Viscera for their handicapped match. I love their capering. The little guy with Big Viz, Cloaca, jumped off of Viz onto Antonio for the big win. Funny stuff.

They kept up the Maria is a freakin’ idiot routine by having her think that the Muppets were gonna be there when Fozzy was in the Battle of the Bands. Ok, that was kinda clever. The battle itself was weird. The lights went out and then they came on for Cena & Pals to do Bad Bad Man. It wasn’t bad. Jericho comes out and says that Cena sucked and that the fans are biased and that he won’t play for idiots. He gets some good heat for this and he walks off, giving Cena the default win.

Shawn Michaels rambled a bit about Hulk Hogan and how their match at Mania was going to be the Main Event. Wow, who would have guessed?

Gene Snitsky and Chris Masters beat Shelton Benjamin in a match that should never have happened. Basically, they work Shelton over and while Masters distracts the ref, Snitsky attacks and then Masters gets the Masterlock. Shelton fought it and rammed him into the turnbuckle a few times. I don’t know why he didn’t just hook the rope. The Masterlock put him out. This was the exact wrong thing to do to Benjamin right now. At least the Michaels finish was after a great match.

Diva Break! Ashley is still wicked hot and by far my choice. Layla wins immunity, and there are folks in the WWE who want her to win and win big. I still say Ashley is the one who’s got the best head for it and is actually doing some training.

It's like something out of a horror movie...

The stretcher match was pretty good. I like Kane in these type of stipulations, and it seems that they’ve come to understand that Edge as a heel has to get real wins. Here, he and Kane worked a match where there were a lot of Hardy chants. A fair amount of this match takes place outside, with Kane tossing Edge into the steps a couple of times.

After a break, Kane tried to Tombstone on the steps, but Edge manages to get the DDT on the steps instead. Kane gets busted a little. Eventually, it becomes about pushing the stretcher over the line at the top of the ramp. Kane gets close and so does Edge. Lita helps out and when they get very close, Kane sits up, but Edge whacks him in the face with the briefcase to get the win. Good stuff, and after the match, Kane tosses Edge headfirst into the set, then he gives Lita the Tombstone on the ramp. Edge gets up and is attacked by Matt Hardy to a really strong pop. Hardy’s a Star!

John Cena jobbed to Carlito in a non-title match. These guys work pretty well together, escially when they do a lot of back and forth. Carlito holds the IC win over Cena from his first match in, which was fun stuff. Here, with Jericho as ref, the ending was basically built to get heat for the Jericho vs. Cena feud by having Jericho hit a low blow, then the Bulldog and Lionsault on the way to Carlito getting the pin. IT wasn’t a bad little 10 minute match.

All in all, not spectacular, but OK.

NEWS
The Vince is not happy. He was quite upset with the way that the Great American Bash went, and he even told the guys to step it up. The talent is blaming the Creative Team for being so controlling over their characters. I’d say the talent is right and that Vince isn’t going to get things better until he gets his creative team working in the right mode and let the guys do their thing. Sadly, I don’t see it happening.

Great American Bash
After the great TNA PPV, I thought that this was a bit of a letdown, but certainly better than I thought it would be. They opened up with the match that really could have dragged things down: Animal and Heidenreich vs. MNM. There was a way this should have gone, but I knew it wouldn’t. It wasn’t a match I’ll go back to over and over, but it wasn’t a waste for 7 minutes. MNM is a good team, and they made for good champions, but you knew once Animal hit his powerslam and they got the Doomsday Device that things were about to come crashing down. They should have done a DQ win for the Warrior-lites, since they gained nothing with the win and MNM may have been tarnished a bit.

Christian and Booker had a good little match that really didn’t mean anything, but was solid. Cole was making all sorts of notes, probably finding his copy of the PWI Almanac and noting things like Booker being 5-1 at the Bashes and that these two traded the IC title a few years back. Booker opens tough with slaps and a suplex. Lots of DDTs from Christian, who looked to be at top form here. I really think they see large amounts of potential in him and are trying to build him back. Lot’s of near-misses on both the Axe Kick and the Unprettier, which made the match slightly more heated. It finally turned out that Booker got the Scissors Kick off the middle rope for the win in a touch over ten minutes. Pretty good stuff here, and the PPV was looking goodish.

Orlando Jordan is holding the US Title. Chris Benoit is challenging him. This match had nothing going for it when it started, but Benoit was so good that he managed to pull the crowd into it with his work. They worked a smart match for fourteen minutes, including Benoit busting out the Northern Lights Suplex (he does the best in the world), a Superplex, and the Rolling Germans. Jordan fights back with a great Oklahoma Roll, but he doesn’t get the pin and Benoit was working for two. Jordan’s not a bad worker, he just doesn’t get the crowd. Benoit gets the crowd into his matches, quite despite the fact that he has little charisma when he’s not in the ring. Jordan pulls the cover off of one of the turnbuckles and rams Benoit’s head into it for the win. Not bad, but not as good as Christian vs. Booker.

A deleted scene from the 80's version of Captain America.

Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah, Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye Muhammad Hassan. His match with the Undertaker was really the end of his time in the WWE, though I get the feeling that his career is also just about over too, unless he wants to tough it out on the indies. I was not huge on him, but he could work a crowd and had the best manager in the business.

Hassan comes to the ring with his Ski-Mask Mafia. They interfere but it’s all for naught. Hassan got UT in the Camel Clutch, but Undertaker turned it into an Electric Chair Drop. Sweet. Hassan got pinned after the Chokeslam, then UT tossed Daivari into the announce table and followed that up by giving the Last Ride to Muhammad off the stage. They showed him on the ground in a pool of blood. So long, Italian guy playing an Arab. We hardly knew ye.

The bWo vs. The Mexicools was a match that didn’t quite work out the way it should have. They messed up a couple of spots, but they did manage to get some entertainment out of it. Nova, who plays two different characters nowadays, did his Nova-ing up, but then Juvi gave him a jumping back kick. Juvy was one of Noah’s best workers, but he doesn’t show the same amount of skill in the US now. Psicosis hits a Legdrop to win the whole thing. Fun, but way short.

Rey vs. Eddie was the best match these two have had in this feud cycle, but far from their 1997 Halloween Havoc match. It’s kinda like the Ric Flair vs. Rick Steamboat match from Spring Stampede 1994: these two had one of the greatest ever and they’ll never get to that level again, but they’ll always entertain. They started with a fast opening where Rey gets a clothesline, but Eddie ducks a crossbody. A bunch of Rey nearfalls lead into the section where Eddie bails out of the ring and uses Rey’s son as a shield. Rey finally gets the advantage and manages to work over Rey with a backbreaker and when Rey goes for the Wheelbarrow Bulldog, Eddie turns it into a Japanese Ocean Cyclone Suplex. I love that name.

The moves they start busting are great, including Rey’s beautiful Tornado DDT and Triple Verticals. Eddie goes for a cocky cover with his back, but Rey turns it into a Crucifix and wins the match. Well, now we don’t get to know the secret. Strong match.

Because we haven't pandered in a while...

Candace Michelle is the ref for Torrie vs. Melina in a Bra and Panties match. Torrie gets an abdominal stretch where she manages to get Melina’s top off and tries for the shorts, but fails. Melina goes agro again and gets Torrie’s top off before Melina gets the Hot Shot on her and takes off the bottoms to get the win. Melina takes a shot at Candace, but she fights back and Candace actually manages to get Melina’s pants off. Candace then strips just because she’s hot. This wasn’t good, but I admit that I enjoyed it for what it was.

JBL. Batista. This is a match that had some good build to it, but folks weren’t into it as a program. There are certain troubles that both of these characters have. Batista got a decent reaction coming out, just about fitting for a guy who is World Champion. He’s a star, he really is, but he’s missing something now that he’s on SmackDown!. Batista showed a lot of power movies to open, which is the right way to go with him. JBL gets the advantage with a neck snap and a Double Axe Handle in the Champ’s back. There’s a ref bump, and Orlando comes out. He stops a DemonBomb with a chairshot, and then rolls the ref back in, and JBL gets the Clothesline From Hell. He goes for another, but Batista gives him a Spinebuster instead. OJ hits a chairshot with the ref around for a DQ finish. What, JBL couldn’t do a real job?

Not a great finish, but a slightly better than OK event.

That’s all for today.

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Chris Garcia