Falls Count Anywhere

07-13-06

Falls Count Anywhere will now be runs on Mondays and Thursdays -- more wrestling means more Garcia...

So I think I can cha-cha

RAW
Wow, what a way to not get the new champ over. Edge just won the belt, and last time they had him do the Live Sex Show which never happened but the crowd ate up. This time they opened with Edge and Lita (who was especially skanky, bless her widdle heart) come out and sit at their own announce table. That was a nice touch, but it did nothing for the Arena audience. They were there for the John Cena vs. Shelton Benjamin match.

Cena vs. Shelton shouldn’t be happening now. Shelton’s got a tremendous up-side, but they need to start taking him seriously and pushing him like a real star. Cena has to go over. Why? Because the response he gets, even when mixed with the boos, is still far beyond anyone you’ll find on any of the wrestling shows right now.

The match wasn’t bad, mostly because Shelton is so good and Cena’s been trying lately. There was a nice spot where Cena went up top but Edge distracted him allowing Shelton to jump to the top rope and then deliver an Enzuigiri that sent Cena to the floor. That was awesome.

In the end, it was Cena getting the FU and then putting on the STFU for the win. Cena then charged Edge at the announce table and they brawled, with Lita helping. Edge managed to hit the Edgecution and then the Spear. Edge and Lita then said that they were going back to their hotel to watch the rest of the show. The most annoying thing was they’re trying to make us ready for Cena’s movie, The Marine, so he’s saluting all the time. It’s just lame.

Eugene and Vince did a bit that led to Eugene vs. Vince and Shane later in the show. I really wasn’t paying attention.

Does she or doesn't she? Only her trainer knows for sure.

Melina pinned Trish in a good little women’s match. I think the last one we had that was this good was the Mania match with Trish and Mickie. Melina’s entrance has been altered to where she walks up the stairs and then does the splits. That’s a nice touch. Melina is extra hot and I’m liking the way they’re pushing her right now.

The two traded the advantage back and forth. Trish used a suplex and that wonderful headscissors of hers. Melina gouged the eyes and used a dropkick. Nitro distracted Trish and Melina got the pin. Nitro then came in and they were about to put a beat down on Trish, but Carlito made the save.

Edge and Lita bothered an hotel clerk. Annoying.

The Highlanders had a match against Conway and Stryker again. The Highlanders won again. I like the gimmick; they’re sorta funnier versions of the Bushwhackers.

Flair and Foley kept their thing going. Flair did his promo and Foley was on the screen. They’re finally letting Flair talk and Foley’s always great when they put a camera in front of him. I noted that Foley’s known on Flair included mocking his book as being ghost-written while Foley did everything himself.

Sadly, after that, Flair challenged Foley to a hard core match, but Paul Heyman came out with The Big Show and said that Show will face Flair on ECW. Why? Show gave Flair a backbreaker. That sucks.

In one of the worst segments when it comes to wasting talent, Charlie Haas and Big Viz had a no contest. Here’s what happened. They were having a match, a bad match by the way, and then Lillian got the mic and said that she wanted them both to stop and that she just wanted to be friends with both. This bothered both of them, and Haas raked Viz’s eyes, which led him to blindly give Lillian the Samoan Drop. When they found out what happened, they both laughed. Haas is a star waiting to happen. He’s every bit as talented as Shelton and should get a push. I will give credit to Lillian for taking that though.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice...

Miz is hosting the Diva Search. He flubbed his lines. He sucks. Jennifer Walcott is the only one I’m interested in on the Search this year.

I missed about 15 or so minutes here. I’m told it was mostly Hacksaw getting mad at the McMahons and then Vince hitting him with a chair and a Randy Orton match against Val Venis. Sounds like I didn’t miss much.

They had Cena show up at the hotel room and beat on Edge. Meh.

Eugene beat both the McMahons in a fun little piece of business. The Spirit Squad got involved and gave him High Spirits twice. Eugene Hulked up but got tripped when he was about to Legdrop. They were about to put Eugene through a table when DX arrived. Vince, always thinking like Wile E. Coyote, was going to drop a net on them, but DX saw it coming and it fell behind them. Eugene rolled up Vince for the win.

Not a great show, needed more good wrestling, and the Edge stuff shouldn’t have been done the first show after he won the title.

ECW
Mike Flores, Lon Lopez and I were sitting around at the Hedley Club last night, talking about ComiCon (Lon’s show, Moron Life, will be covering it as well as us here at Fanboy Planet) and ECW came up. We all agreed it was pretty much crap.

There have been good bits, like Angle vs. RVD, but mostly it’s not ECW. That’s the biggest problem, and last week they had a tiny rating because of the July 4th issue, but I’m not seeing much of a rebound in the coming weeks unless they start giving us an ACTUAL ECW-type show.

This was not it.

They had Paul Heyman do a terrible promo explaining why he turned on RVD last week and cost him the title. They could have gone the Corporate Sell-Out direction, which would have been very ECW 1999, but instead they’re working on this Cult Leader thing that just won’t work. Look at how well it did for Don Callis in 1997.

Test and Dreamer had a match after Dreamer tried to get answers from Heyman about what he did last week. I’m not impressed, but Test looks pretty good. As bad as he is in the ring, and he has had moments of good brawling, he’s got a great look and if they used him right he could fit in with a ‘real’ ECW.

Kelly Kelly and Candice Michelle did the strip tease together until Mike Knox interrupted them and got caned by The Sandman. Well, Kelly and Candice are hot.

Straight-edge, Mr. McCaw...

CM Punk continues to be the bright spot in all of this. He did a great promo talking about how his ink isn’t merely decoration, but every tattoo tells a story about his life. He said he wants to compete with real athletes. I’ll be happy once this ECW experiment fails and he ends up on RAW.

Sabu lost to Justin Credible by DQ. That’s the ultimate insult to the old ECW. I didn’t catch them saying that there was anything special about the match that putting a guy through a table would cause a DQ, so that was just awful. Sabu is great.

They had Shannon Moore do a promo about being The Prince of Punk. That’s the perfect gimmick to send up against CM Punk for the first long program. It could be real good because those two can really go.

In a match I never thought I’d see, Big Show beat Ric Flair in a wild IWA Japan style brawl. This wasn’t ECW, but it was crazy. Ric bled early. You always used to be able to tell how much faith Flair had in an opponent by how long he waited to blade. Flair used a barbed wire bat on show and ground it into his face. Flair brought out thumbtacks. No kidding. He hit Show with a chair and sent him into the tacks. Show got mad and beat on Flair, eventually sending him into the tacks.

This wasn’t great, but it will have people talking. Flair’s always been a trooper, but I can’t even think of a time when he’d done a barbed wire match, no less one with tacks. It’s a shame that they put him in it. Still, this isn’t ECW. I’m still not sure what it is, but it’s not ECW.

That’s all for this week. I’ll be back on Monday!

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Chris Garcia