Falls Count Anywhere

07-13-04

I claim whatever ethnicity is expedient.

RAW
We open RAW with an Evolution huddle. They talked about who would get to take the honors in beating the living beejeezus out of Eugene. Everyone complained that Vengeance had not been their night. Eugene came in and apologized and HHH said that Eric Bischoff was even madder than they were. This segment really threw the ending up in our faces.

Eventually we got a hot match to open as the New Intercontinental Champion Edge beat Batista to retain his title. Batista has been working on his crowd stuff, and did a lot of posing as he went for covers. Somehow, I like it better when Orton does the same thing. The match was solid, as Batista worked as well as he could and Edge was very smart. Edge got the pin following a powerbomb attempt that he turned into a roll-up. He also grabbed the ropes, telegraphing his heel turn.

Uncle Eric talked to Eugene saying that he was mad at Evolution for blaming Eugene. He then said that Eugene would be wrestling Chris Benoit for the title tonight. I have a telegram for Mr. Audience.

A segment covered a bunch of interviews with the Diva Search contestants. This one had powerful guns. They all came off dumb as a box of rocks, but at least they were cute.

Flair was doing an interview when The Hurricane came out and the two jawed back and forth about the book and about the business. They set up a match for later between the two of them. I really like the Hurricane and his role as Jobber to whoever is hot at the moment, combined with a strong gimmick, makes him one of those guys that won’t really draw but always entertains.

Rhyno beat Rob Conway. Not a good match, but I do like that Rhyno is getting a second chance. Tajiri was out there with Rhyno, making a team that is stronger than you’d think.

Tyson Tomko took on Maven, now accompanied by Nidia, his fellow Tough Enough 1 winner. Trish was out and Nidia and Trish went at it a bit. I don’t like Nidia’s look so much now. I wish she had stayed with Jamie Noble.

Regal and Benoit talked about how the match later would be a trap of some kind. Benoit said he was gonna talk to Eugene. I was starting to miss Regal.

He's got surprisingly small hands.

The Highlight Reel wasn’t a good one, but Lita did say that Kane was underendowed (others that are under-endowed, according to the A-List include Marilyn Manson, Montgomery Clift and Bill Clinton). Jericho went to defend Lita from Kane, which led to the two of them having a match after Jericho taunted Kane while he was walking in the back. The match wasn’t good, and the crowd slowly died during it. Kane lost via DQ.

They brought out another model, this one not as bouncy as the first. The crowd actually didn’t like this and booed. Wow.

Flair and Hurricane had a match I enjoyed. These two work such different styles, but they both know how to put on a good match. Flair’s ear got busted open. This used to happen a lot in the days when guys took a lot of headlocks. There’s the famous story of Yukon Eric losing his ear to one of Killer Kowalski’s knee drops. The two worked well and it ended with Flair getting the win with the figure four. I should mention that the time flew here and I had no idea that it was 10:40 by the time this match ended.

A classic beatdown.

Chris Benoit and Eugene had a strong match that they worked seriously, even though there were all kinds of shenanigans going on. This match, more so than any other match, showed the power of Nick Dinsmore, the worker, and the troubles of how they were booking the Eugene character.

The crowd wasn’t into it early, mostly due to the way Eugene has been booked. I really like the gimmick that Eugene can do everything that every wrestler ever has done. There was a great Eugene Crossface segment that I thought worked beautifully. Eventually, the crowd got into it, more as a wrestling match than as a match where Eugene was coming into his own, and as soon as that happened, Evolution’s music hit, they came out and beat on Eugene.

The beating they gave Eugene was very well done. They held him and made him watch as Benoit got beaten on. Regal came down, got a good pop for it, but also got beaten. Eugene was bloodied up in the end. This was a great beating and it ended a pretty solid edition of RAW.

NEWS
Kurt Angle is getting some heat as there are folks in the back who think that he is milking his injury. I would say this is both true and untrue, as Kurt has certainly recovered from the specific problems, but he has been so beat up over the last couple of decades that it’s best that he takes some time to heal old wounds.

Bret Hart is fuming at Ric Flair over his book. Easily the most controversial book that the WWE has released, Flair's memoir lashes out at Hart, as well as Mick Foley and Randy Savage, among others. Foley is none too happy either, to the point where he’s not returning WWE phone calls. Ric says that Hart believed his own hype. Hart used to lash out at Flair for claiming to be the best ever, mostly due to Hart’s insistence that Dynamite Kid was the best ever. I tend to side with Flair on most matters, but Dynamite was far more innovative and changed wrestling far more than Flair did. It’s like comparing George Lucas to Tom Tykwer: one's the guy who made all the money, the other is the foreigner who brought big changes to North America.

There is talk of Edge turning heel to feud with Chris Benoit. There’s also talk of a massive image make-over for the new IC Champ. I think he’s got money written all over him, but he just needs a concentrated push to make it happen.

Shinobu Kandori lost her attempt to become the first female wrestler to enter the Japanese Diet. In other Japanese news, Rusher Kimura, a big time long standing and just plain old Japanese wrestler, retired.

Vengeance Review
Oversaturation of PPVs made Vengeance into an event that I wasn’t really interested in. Doing so many PPVs in six-weeks is a bad idea, but they have another set like that planned for the fall. Vengeance turned out to be the best show in ages, with a fantastic couple of matches and a break-through feud performance.

The show opened with The Coach teaming with Garrison Cade to take on Tajiri and Rhyno. This wasn’t a really good match, but Tajiri can made most guys seem entertaining. There was a mist spot, Rhyno gored Cade outside, and Tajiri got the pin.

They did a segment where Flair was complaining about having to team with Eugene. HHH was looking for Eugene, and found him talking to Benoit, who was telling him not to trust HHH. This stuff is fine, but really, it makes it feel like a regular RAW instead of a PPV. The WWE needs to find a way to maintain a specialness to the money shows.

Jericho and Batista wrestled a match that was not very good, though it was mostly due to Batista, both for his performance and the way they booked him. Batista dominated with power moves, which he’s not great at. Jericho got in some offense, and sold very well, but Batista is athletic and actually does better taking other guy’s moves. I am still not sold on his offense, nor do I think he has what it takes to be a top heel on his own. He’s best as Evolution’s enforcer. Batista wins, which really does nothing for him.

Seconds later, Eugene got Flair's nose...

HHH talked to Eugene, trying to convince him that everything Benoit was saying earlier was a lie. He said that he’d let him wear Flair’s famous Blue robe to the ring for his match. I don’t care if it’s all a work and that things like that are only part of a well-thought out script, that must be the biggest deal of all time to wear one of Flair’s robes.

La Resistance is getting annoying. That’s why I think they are so effective. They are very similar to Nikolai Volkof and The Iron Sheik, the tag team that defined the mid-1980s WWF heel. The singing of the anthem is a nice touch. The match wasn’t great, though it was fun. Eugene has such a solid style that he mixes with the gimmick very nicely. Eugene did a bunch of Flair mannerisms, including the begging off in the corner, then coming out with a thumb to the eye. Oddly, Eugene and Flair were working as faces here, which makes sense when you think that they are likely only doing a few weeks with Eugene as a heel and to give him some time as a face during that heel run will help him return as a face. LaRez gets the win via DQ.

Kane and Matt Hardy in the No DQ Match was way better than expected. Matt, who has been banged up for the last few months (if not last few years), gave a hell of an intense beating on the way to getting a surprise pin, which would have been the upset of the night if not for the main event. There is a lot of talk about Hardy being “The Next One” in a way that is similar to what Edge was getting right before he went down with his neck injury. Hardy sold well, gave some solid offense, and Kane always tries to do his best on PPV. Good match. I got this one totally wrong on my predictions.

The match of the night goes to Edge vs. Randy Orton in a match that I knew would be solid. These two are just built to take each other on. Remember 1997 and 1998, when HHH and The Rock were working against each other and everyone was saying ‘those two are the future of wrestling!’ ? Well, trust me, that’s what this is like. Edge was booed early, which is the fault of sloppy booking over the last few months. The crowd actually did some boring chants during a really strong submissions segment. I sometimes don’t get wrestling fans. They worked a very smart, very physical match with lots of well-planned spots. It wasn’t obvious if this was called in the ring or planned out beforehand, but it was very smartly worked. Orton worked the crowd, which kept them into the thing the whole way through. Hats off to Orton and Edge. Edge got the pin, as I predicted, and became the champ. The crowd sang the chorus to “Kiss Him Goodbye” at Randy, which really got his goat.

mmm...sorbet...

We got a little woman’s wrestling sorbet before the main event. Victoria and Molly wrestled to see who would be the number one contender to the belt. These are the two best women who are not currently injured, and they put on a good match. We got the Victoria jigglesault, and Molly just bein’ her own mean self. Unusual placement on the card for this match, but it was fairly good. Superkick wins it for Victoria.

Chris Benoit beat the odds and held onto to the title. Almost everywhere I looked, folks were saying that this is where HHH will flex his muscles and get the title back. Cooler heads prevailed. The match was very good, since HHH always comes to play on PPV and Benoit is Benoit. This was a long, smart, and calculated match that had some great segments. Benoit knows how to physically tell a story and HHH is a master at bringing heat to a contest. They did a weird finish where Benoit was holding the chair and tugging with Eugene. Benoit let go and Eugene ended up smashing HHH in the face, allowing Benoit to get the pin. This was smart as it allowed them to work a very credible World Title match and still have a storyline finish that doesn’t completely negate all they had built.

I’d say it was a thumbs up show with plenty for all to enjoy!

That’s all for today. More on Friday!

Chris Garcia