Falls Count Anywhere

06-22-06

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Falls Count Anywhere will now be running on Mondays and Thursdays -- more wrestling means more Garcia...

Friday I'm in love.

RAW
If you’re going to put comedy on TV, make sure it’s good. The Vince McMahon opening, which took jabs at Sci-Fi among other things, was just awful. The crowd liked it, but it was so lame. It turns out they said Steph was in labor and Vince put Coach in charge. NNNNNNOOOOOO000000oooooo……

Mickie James teamed with Candice Michelle to beat Maria and Torrie Wilson in a Bra and Panties tag match. Here’s the cool part: they actually used the whole thing to get over Mickie James. They had her beat Maria and Torrie fast, and then she stripped Candice just for good measure. As she was leaving, she found a girl in the audience and took off her top too. That was a weird add, but it works.

Big Viz and Charlie Haas met in a match that had No Contest written all over it from the beginning. Charlie said that he did apologize for knocking Lillian off the mat a couple of weeks ago while they were in bed. I’m hoping that Jacky Gayda-Haas was in there with ‘em. They had Charlie get beat down until the Spirit Squad came in and destroyed them both. They even tossed Viz into the air. DX came out and did their thing, dropping green slime onto the SS. That was funny in the way that old episodes of You Can’t Do That On Television were funny.

It's not easy being green.

I missed a bunch of stuff in the middle and when I came back, John Cena was wrestlin’ Balls Mahoney. It wasn’t a bad match, but the big thing was Cena was getting an 85% positive reaction. Paul E. interfered a little, handing Balls a chair, but he ended up with a face full of chair after a drop Toe Hold. Cena got the win with the STFU.

Sabu ran in and attacked, threw a chair at Cena, then hit him with a monitor and then did the Triple-Jump Leg Drop onto Cena who was on the announce table. It was awesome as Sabu stood on the top rope for a long time. Cena was busted, looked like hardway, and Sabu looked hurt after. Great stuff.

Randy Orton beat Snitsky. Snitsky got a lot more offense than I expected. Sadly, Orton slid a bit on the finishing RKO and it looked sloppy.

Johnny Nitro and Shelton beat Carlito in a handicapped match. It was a pretty typical match, nothing fancy at all. Carlito maybe flew a bit more than he normally does, including a beautiful dropkick. Carlito went to roll-up Johnny Nitro, but he ended up reversing it and getting the pin on Carlito. Carlito gave Benjamin the BackPack (tm- reader Lon Lopez) after the match. Sadly, you could hear a pin drop for much of the match.

DX spray-painted Vince’s office. That was an old trick and it became apparent that they were doing the old “DX was the one that called and said that ___ happened so they could get the place all to themselves.” They met up with Coach, who told them not to mess with him. So what’d they do? They threw him through a wall! That was very cool.

I’m loving these Highlanders bits. This one about a hotel room and ordering porn was really funny.

Garcia keeps failing to mention this woman. Can anybody tell me who she is?

Edge destroyed Ric Flair. That was expected. Mick did a great job on commentary saying that he and Flair would stink up the joint in their match on Sunday. I’m interested in seeing how they make it pay off. Flair went to the Figure Four, but Foley got the Mandible Claw on and Edge managed a Spear for the win. RVD attacked Edge afterwards. If I didn’t know that Edge was winning the title on Sunday, I’d be worried.

DX had a little fun and it was 1997 all over again. Shawn said that they figured out who got Steph pregnant and H added that he must be very well hung. They had a midget Spirit Squad come out and DX fake destroyed them. The real Spirit Squad then led the locker room out to attack Shawn and Hunter, but everone but the SS left and DX beat on them. The Mini-Spirit Squad then mooned their full-sized counterparts.

Nice little show, if unspectacular. DX could be huge.

ECW
There were a few changes to the product that really helped set things apart. First off, they darkened the arena a bit so you couldn’t see many of the fans. Nice touch. The other was they opened with a Fortune Teller recapping things and going over the main event. Well, it is on Sci-Fi.

Sabu is the man! He’s been through battles, has rarely complained and is now the second biggest name in the current ECW. He squashed Tony Mamaluke in a match where he just destroyed him. Triple Jump Plancha and a big splash through a table. Sabu is going to make or break ECW even more than RVD.

I missed the Dreamer-Show confrontation. They’re the right two to be programmed together, but I’m not sure how they’ll make Show work in the ECW formula.

Nice mask.

They had a guy come out dressed like Nacho while doing an OK-at-best Randy Savage imitation. They called him Macho Libre. Sandman came and destroyed him. I like this theme, but I wanted the Zombie to come back!

John Cena is the man in a much bigger way than Sabu. You see, Cena came and did a backstage segment where he walked into the ECW locker room with a giant black eye from Sabu the night before. He challenged ECW to bring anyone they wanted for a Lumberjack match with Sabu at the PPV. Cena was Triple H-level intense in this one. He’s the future of the WWE if you ask Vince.

They announced the Test is coming in. Test had his moments, but he shouldn’t be ECW unless they destroy him.

In a really good main event, Kurt Angle and RVD beat Randy Orton and Edge. The real story here seems to be that Orton might have gotten hurt. Everyone worked their ass off and it showed. Angle’s new style is a lot safer than his old style, but it’s still very physical. RVD was better than usual and a lot cleaner in his moves. Of course, he was working with Edge and Orton.

About half-way through the match, Orton started looking like he was hurt. You could tell from his face that something went really work. It’s probably his shoulder. Angle gave Lita an AngleSlam. The finished followed RVD giving Orton a kick off the Top and went for Rolling Thunder, but Edge blocked him. Edge went for a Spear, but RVD caught him and got the Five Star for the win.

Much better show than last week. They’re still working things out and this was a much better direction. I still wish they’d bring in new young guys and push them.

That’s all for this week, more on Monday!

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Chris Garcia