Falls Count Anywhere

06-21-05

I am the slut of the century.

RAW
Better RAW than last week with some nice surprises and a few good angles.

John Cena started things out. The reaction to him is great and the RAW audience seems to have taken to him as much, if not more, than the SD! audience did. It’ll be interesting to see how RAW does after Batista leaves as the final draft pick.

Muhammad Hassan comes out and Cena challenges him to a match after saying that Hassan’s biscuit has gone stale; that is to say, his bit is old. Bischoff came out and said that the match is for the title, which is cool. Bisch stayed in the ring and called out Shelton Benjamin. Eric pointed out that Shelton was the longest reigning Intercontinental Champ in ten years, which I don’t think is correct. I seem to remember someone (Owen Hart?) holding it longer. He said that when Shelton won the belt, Jericho had no idea who was going to challenge him. Benjamin caught on and said for Bischoff to bring out whoever it was and it turned out to be Carlito! The crowd gave him a good reaction.

The match between Carlito and Benjamin was really good. They went back forth, with Shelton doing a Northern Lights Suplex, but he missed a Stinger Splash. Carlito worked harder than he has since he came back from his injury and he hit a DDT. Shelton landed almost on his head going for a dive. It was sweet! Carlito rolled through and got the pin to win the title. They said that this was the same way that Carlito won the US title on SmackDown! last year. Good point. He later spit apple on Maria. Sweet.

Superstar Billy Graham was there!

Viscera beat Simon Dean. He also did that spot he did to Coach last week. Oh sweet Jesus why are we being exposed to this? Is Eric Embry writing RAW now?

Christian and Jericho had a little thing backstage where Jericho complained Hassan was getting the shot at Cena. Christian said that Hassan had been over-looked like he had been and then said that Cena and Jericho AND their albums all sucked. Nice touch.

Kurt and Bischoff had a chat where Kurt said that he was going to dedicate his win over Shawn Michaels at Vengeance to Bisch. Aw, young love.

The Wedding between Lita and Edge was absolutely hilarious. Lita came out in the World’s Sluttiest Wedding Dress and Gene Snitsky came out and read a poem in his modified Tux. They read these vows:

Edge- Lita, everyone knows me as money in the bank, and now you know me as money in the sack. And I know you had rough time because of Kane, you’ll be with a man, not a monster.
Lita- Edge, I may have been unlucky in marriage, but I have been lucky in love. I never loved Kane, and after falling in love, I know I have NEVER been in love with any man. I don’t care what these people say, but if falling in love with you makes me a slut, then I am proud to be the slut of the century!

I was dying at this point.

When they asked if anyone objected, Edge played a Matt Hardy Video! Holy Crap, that was ballsy. Kane came out and Lita and Edge ran off, so Kane gave the preacher the Tombstone. Nice touch. The crowd hated this, which is sad.

In what I thought was the angle of the night, Christy was giving an interview about cracking last week and beating on Victoria. She called Victoria a bitch and a little later, Victoria came from behind and broke a glass pitcher over Christy’s head, and said ‘You’re right, I am a bitch’ which got a good pop from the crowd. I love Victoria. Christy was KOed, and they even used some fake blood to sell it. They had the EMTs asking her questions and such after they took a commercial break.

John Cena destroyed Muhammad Hassan in a quick match to end his undefeated streak. It wasn’t much of a match, but Cena looked good, which is what really matters.

They showed the 8 Diva Search contestants and they aren’t too promising. One or two seem to have a lot of personality, and there was one from Austria who had a hot bod but dear God, why do they let her talk? I already have my favorite.

Kurt Angle and Batista had a match that ended after about two minutes when Flair and HHH came out and attacked Batista. Shawn Michaels came out and evened the score. Lillian announced the winner, but Eric Bischoff announced that that wasn’t how it was going to end and he ordered a Tag Team match between Batista and HBK vs. Angle and HHH. This match was better, with a lot of great storyline stuff going on. Angle gave Michaels an STF and his leg was way up there. Lot’s of good work here with HBK looking like the star he is. The crowd kinda died leading into this one, but picked up towards the end. The finish was Batista giving Flair the Spinebuster, but he walked right into the Pedigree that gave HHH the win. H draped the belt over Batista and talked trash.

I liked this episode and other than the Viz stuff, I can’t really complain.

NEWS
The ECW PPV continues to be talked about. There’s a lot of talk about starting a touring version, and there’s also a lot of talk about Vince signing some of the guys from the PPV, most notably Sabu, who met with Vince before RAW this week. Psicosis, Juventud (who was an old ECW guy but didn’t do the PPV), Super Crazy and Kid Kash all had matches either on Velocity or Dark Matches. There was also talk about bringing in Balls Mahoney (with a new name) and Axl Rotten so that the Dudleys could have a feud with them.

The Dudleys are another interesting point. They are still on contract and they are in great shape for the first time in ages, but creative has nothing for them so they aren’t on TV. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! These two could revitalize the Tag Team division on either show. Hell, even putting them in a feud with MNM would be a sweet series. If more ECW guys are signed, I’m betting we’ll see them back in WWE rings.

Slammiversary
Well, they’ve managed to kill another champion. After TNA took a bold leap forward, they took a big step back with this one.

They started by announcing that Jeff Jarrett is out of the main event and that Raven is taking his place. This one action let me know three things: first, Jeff Jarrett is getting the belt back muy quickly, that Raven was going to win the NWA Title in the Main Event and that I officially hate TNA’s booking.

We started with a big X-Division match with The Amazing Red, Elix Skipper, The Oh-So-Litigious Shark Boy, Delirious, the One-Legged Marvel Zach Gowen and Jerrelle Clark. This was a fun match and it moved at high speeds. I’ve always like just about everyone in this match, but this was a spotfest with lots of fun timing and far too short for my tastes. They did a lot of great stuff, including Amazing Red doing a Corkscrew Infared to the outside and a GORGEOUS springboard moonsault from our pal Shark Boy. A Shooting Star Press showed up, and there was a great piledriver that made me cringe. Shark Boy ended up with the win, which may be because he’s been getting a lot of press from the lawsuit.

Alex Shelley, who has become a favorite of internet types and I admit I like him too, had a bad match with Shocker. This was Bad Lucha, which is worse than anything, where timing seemed to be off. Shelley and Shocker are both very good, but here they just didn’t mesh. I know I’m in the minority, but I’d like to see Shocker working on top of the card as a contender for the NWA title.

The Outlaw (That’s Mr. Billy Gunn-Ass for those of us who watched the WWF back in the day) took on Ron Killings. This is the way you can kill a PPV. Killings is a talented wrestler, but Outlaw treated him like a jobber. Even when he sold for him, it was like he was doing it out of obligation not so that the match would look good. At that point, I knew the show would be a failure, but I thought that it might be able to succeed with a great main event. Killings managed to reverse out of a Cobra Clutch Slam to get a rool-up for the win. I really didn’t think that Outlaw wanted to do the job and he just buried Killings with his lame work.

The NWA Tag Team Titles were on the line between Team Canada and The Naturals. This was a really good match with both teams working a very smart style. They started with back and forth, which they are both great at. At one point, Team Canada had Stevens in The Tree of Woe and Williams stepped on his Crotch as he climbed to the top and sang the Canadian National Anthem. I love bits like that. The match moved really well, with Petey Williams taking a Hart Attack off the Naturals. I always loved that move. The finish was A-1, who was with Team Canada, hit Stevens with a Hockey Stick. Jimmy Hart came out and gave Stevens the megaphone, which he used to get the win. Nice ending to a fun match and the first one that really got enough time!

Samoa Joe came to TNA and took on Sonjay Dutt. I really like Dutt and Joe is awesome. It was a very good match with the two of them really working well together. Joe worked his knees and kicks really well. It’s hard to believe that the WWE hasn’t made a serious play to him because he’s great and has a legit style that is very much influenced by guys like Tazz and Perry Saturn. Dutt got some good offense, including an enzuigiri and a nice Plancha. He brought Joe back into the ring and hit a 450 press, but went up for the Hindu Press. He didn’t hit it and that allowed Joe to get the chokeout for the win. Good match and I’m glad to see Samoa Joe on a bigger stage.

Bobby Roode beat Lance Hoyt in a match that I kinda liked. I liked Hoyt’s crews’ t-shirts that said Hoyt-a-mania, which I do believe is running wild. Hoyt used all sorts of power moves, like Chokeslams and the running boot that all the big guys use. Roode hit a powerbomb for a two count after Hoyt set up on the top for a moonsault. Eventually, Scott D’Amour interfered and missed a moonsault on to Hoyt and later got chokeslammed. Hoyt hit a moonsault on Scott. Roode won with the Northern Lariet (Reverse Clothesline) for the pin.

I missed America’s Most Wanted vs. 3 Live Cru due to some black box…I mean completely legal cable box troubles. I understand that AMW won with their Hart Attack-like finisher. I’m told this was an average match.

In a great three-way, which started just after we got fuzzy B+W picture back, Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels, who is almost 40 I believe, took beat from Michael Shane and The Future Chris Sabin. This was a good match and I’m so glad the picture got better and better as it went on. Daniels got a submission move on early, but it got broken up by a top rope elbow by Shane. Shane and Daniels work really well together and they did a lot of back and forth. They did a great series where Daniels blocked a Superkick and Shane escaped from an Angels Wings which allowed Sabin to get the Enzuigiri on Daniels and a DDT on Shane! Daniels managed to pin Sabin with The Angel Wings for the pin. Good match.

A brief outage was followed by perfect picture for the main event. I will say this: I wish I had missed it. It was a good match. In fact, it might have been the best NWA Title match in a good long while. I thought it was better than AJ Styles vs. Jeff Jarrett last month. It was terribly booked and will certainly hurt TNA. It was those weird King of the Mountain rules where you have to hang the belt and there’s a penalty box and everything. It was with AJ Styles, Raven, Monty Brown, Sean Waltman, and Abyss. Monty was the first one to get a pin, as he pinned Raven with a Pounce that sent Raven to the Penalty Box. I hate that part. The match continued and was going great, looking like we were gonna get Styles winning the match with a good battle where he overcame the odds. Brown Pounced Styles, which allowed Raven to get the pin on the floor to become eligible to win the match. In the only sick spot, Waltman crotch-stapled both Raven and Abyss. Wow. Everyone was trying to be the guy who hung the belt, but in the end, it was RAVEN.

That’s right, Raven won the NWA title.

I’m not saying that Raven isn’t a great guy, a team player and one who should be champion, but not now. They had a chance to build AJ into a real star, one who could work and who could start to draw with his style, but no, they give it to Raven. The reason is likely because of the ECW ga-ga that’s hit wrestling of late and Raven was a big part of ECW. Or maybe it was because they have no faith in Styles because he’s not great at promos. Or maybe it’s because they can get it off Raven and back on to Jarrett with a convenient storyline that they wrote at the beginning of the show with Raven taking Jarrett’s place. That last one sounds too much like the truth of the situation.

I’d say this was an average PPV with a few good match and a lot of bad booking. I’m kinda glad TNA doesn’t have TV right now, because it’s probably best that it die soon so that someone else with an idea of how to book a real fed can come up.

That’s all for today. More on Friday.

Talk about today's column in the forums!

Chris Garcia