SmackDown!
The show was pretty much built around a few simple things leading into The Great American Bash. The John Bradshaw Layfield / Eddie Guerrero Texas Bullrope match and the Undertaker turn were the main features.

The opening match, where the Dudleys won the Tag Titles from Rico and Haas, wasn’t bad when Haas was in, but Rico’s gimmick killed much of the match. Haas threw a sweet Exploder Suplex. He reminds me of one of my favorite Japanese wrestlers, Akiyama Jun. Bubba Holds onto Miss Jacky and when Haas goes to roll him up, Bubba moves and nails Jacky, sending her to the floor, allowing the Dudleys to get the win. Rico apparently hurt his leg during the match and had to be helped out. No word on the extent of the injury.

Now, I normally like going way over the top for an angle, but the Paul Heyman promo was a little weird. You see, they brought out a cement truck and Paul did a pretty good, though for him not great, promo, talking about the glass crypt that Paul Bearer would be in at The Bash. It’s a weird concept, but should prove to be an interesting match, at least for the gimmick.

Ruining that beautiful silk...

Wrestling needs strong champions. Strong champions require strong challengers. The Bashems are not strong challengers. Eddie winning the Handicap Match against the two of them was a smart idea, and honestly, it wasn’t a half bad match. They need to give the Bashems a gimmick, turn them into stars and relaunch the tag division as something serious. It’s so obvious. Eddie looked good, but it’s obvious that the stress of being champ is getting to him.

They did a nice bit with John Cena and Kurt Angle. I really think Cena is going to be huge, but they have yet to position him in that way. Kurt is obviously bored with his current role and is just itchin’ to get back in the ring. He’ll probably never be a full-time performer again, but he should be back at SummerSlam. He announced that Cena would have to defend at GAB in an elimination match with Booker, Dupree, and RVD.

Funaki was backstage doing a John Cena imitation as a part of a rap battle. He had one of the refs lay down a thick-ass beat and then dropped some rhyme about Kurt being bald and Kurt was right behind him, very similar to my story about the girl who played Winnie Cooper at Cinequest a couple of years ago. Kurt made a match for Funaki and Luther later in the show.

Kenzo Suzuki beat Spike Dudley. Man, is Suzuki a lumbering oaf. His Geisha isn’t even that hot.

They kept airing footage of mainstream coverage of JBL getting the boot. They never mentioned the whole Nazi salute thing, but they did make it look like they were all talking about wrestling, which was a nice way to try and spin it. Layfield then came out and cut a hot interview that really played everything right. I dug it the most. He said that Americans were the problem with America, which is what the rest of the world says. Of course, the rest of the world is wrong, but that’s what makes JBL a heel. Eddie came out and they brawled. I’m looking forward to their match, as I love me a good bullrope match.

Chavo Classic came back for one last match with Rey Mysterio and I’d say it was his best match since he returned. Rey worked all his regular stuff, and Chavo kept going. Most folks forget that it was Chavo Classic that brought the Moonsault into the US mainstream, and for his final WWE match, he busted it out. Rey won the match and the belt when he dropped the dime. Fun stuff.

Luther destroyed Funaki. Of all the guys who were in Kaientai, I never would have thought that Funaki would be the one still around. The match sucked.

I want YOU. You wish.

Torrie came out dressed as Uncle Sam to promote the PPV. Chicks dressed up as Uncle Sam are almost always hot. Same goes for the Statue of Liberty.

Booker T and Josh Mathews had a little interview in the back that was interrupted by Rene Dupree. Booker’s facial mannerisms are so over the top that I dig them every time.

The main event saw RVD and John Cena take on Booker and Rene Dupree in a match that wasn’t good, but it had its moments. RVD has pulled himself together and isn’t looking like he did at the start of the year. Cena worked like he usually does and Dupree got some decent heat, especially for the French Tickler. Cena and RVD fought among themselves for a bit, and the Undertaker came out and attacked the faces at the behest of Paul Heyman, thus proving his turn…maybe.

I liked it, though it lacked a real blow-away match or moment. I thought it built smart and used what they had to good effect. They still need a real set of heels, but there is talk that they are going to be pulling a pretty big coup in the next few months.

NEWS
Raw, with an extra long episode, did a 3.6. That’s up, which is kinda weird for an extra long episode. True, it was the return from a PPV, which always adds viewers, but it was an episode that seemed to attract folks easily. The highest rated segment was The HighLight Reel with Jericho, HHH and Eugene.

Chavo Classic was fired. He was not happy with plans for his character and no-showed, not telling anyone that he wouldn’t be there. That explains the title switch, but I’ll really miss him and his crazy gimmick. According to the Torch, Chavo Classic had to be talked into dropping the belt in the ring by Eddie. There is one guy who had a sweetheart deal who shouldn’t have let it go down like that.

The Edge vs. Benoit title match they had been talking about seems to be out the window since HHH is no longer taking off to make his movie.

Oh yeah, HHH won’t be taking time off to make his movie. There were various issues with several agencies involved and they need to resolve them before they go forward. I’ve seen the script when I was down in LA and I can say that it’s fairly good. Not great, but certainly reads better than No Holds Barred would have.

Raven broke a rib. I’d read this several places, but I’m never sure with Raven as he has frequently created injuries in interviews.

FlashBack!
Admit it, you had a Koala Blue shirt. You owned at least one Men at Work album, you’ve watched an Aussie Rulles Football game on ESPN and tried Vegamite for no good reason. America was swept up in a craze for all things Australian during the late 1980s. Maybe it was Paul Hogan’s Magnum Opus Crocodile Dundee or the fact that Olivia Newton-John was the World’s hottest bi-sexual, but we were all gaga for Oz. Aparently, Vince McMahon was not immune to this disease. He hired a gentleman named Peter Stilsbury to play Outback Jack.

Actually, he fears a dentist.

Now, let me say this; Outback Jack had exactly the look that an Aussie in wrestling should have. He was 6’5, barrel-chested and had the look of an Aussie Rules midfielder, and was missing a couple of teeth before Chris Benoit and Mick Foley made it cool. Perhaps the funniest thing was bio they gave him for the back of his LJN action figure. “A Native of Humpty Doo in the Northern Territories, Jack spent many years in the company of a tribe of Aborigines. These natives taught him many basic survival skills which have become very important to Jack and he now uses them to his advantage in the ring. He is known as a tough but fair man and he fears nothing, not even the dreaded saltwater crocodile.”

I’m not kidding. They really wrote that.

While his gimmick wasn’t terribly good, the bigger problem was that he wasn’t a very good wrestler. He sort of lumbered a bit and lacked some charisma. They gave him a series of pre-arrival videos that did make the younger me think he was going to be very cool.

I was wrong.

They gave him Tie Me Kangaroo Down as a theme song, though I seem to remember Waltzing Matilda being used at least once. He debuted on WWF TV against Steve Lombardi in late 1987. He used a reverse clothesline called the boomerang to finish off his opponents. He ran though the normal jobbers, Barry O, Johnny K-9, Iron Mike Sharpe and others, and then entered into a feud with Frenchy Martin.

That should tell you where he stood.

You see, when the WWF didn’t have any faith in you, they had you feud with someone of no consequence. Frenchy Martin was that type of guy, though he worked for a long time. They ran their feud on episodes of Prime Time Wrestling, which was not the flagship of the WWF at the time. They had three or four matches, then Outback Jack disappeared again into jobberdom. He was one of the first guys fed to Ted Dibiase during the Hundred Dollar Bill in the mouth gimmick period. The last I saw of him, he was squashed by Killer Khan, hit with the Mongolian Mist and that was that.

Now, he still has his fans. There is an unofficial Outback Jack website. Jack himself even wrote in to say hello. There’s also a page of Jack participating in a Highland Games, and thus, he’s wearing a kilt in every picture. While there are others who were bigger failures, like Freddy Joe Floyd, T.L. Hopper, and The Goon, Outback Jack still shines as one of Vince’s greatest guffs.

That’s all for this week. Next week, I’ll have more!