Welcome to a
Short, but Brutal, Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris
and I’m headed out!
helps to wear Brut.
Well, RAW was really bad, but SmackDown! was pretty good.
There are major problems, and the draft lottery doesn’t
seem to be helping. There’s no champion. I guess they’re
waiting until after the HHH-Batista match to make the move
of some belt to SmackDown!. Either that or they really are
trying to make SD! a lame duck by taking away its champion.
Who knows? I just know that Cena was much better off on
Thursdays than he is on Monday.
The show opened
with JBL doing a long rant against ECW. He’s got such
a great character, but he’s being used to carry the
show, which just sucks. This brought out Chris Benoit and
started a match between him and Doug Bashem. This wasn’t
a bad little match. They worked back and forth and there
was plenty of interference to keep things moving. Doug hit
a Superplex on Benoit, but he managed to kick out of the
pin attempt. Benoit managed a roll-up to win the match,
but then the rest of the Cabinet attacked.
While they were
holding up Benoit to destroy him, the lights went out and
The Undertaker was in the ring. This led to JBL bailing
and the Cabinet taking a beat-down. Theodore R. Long came
out and said that JBL and UT would meet in a No DQ match.
Why have a no DQ match when you know that JBL will just
have his boys interfere?
and Paul London had a fast little match that I really enjoyed.
Eddie went for a Back Drop, but Paul landed on his feet
and ended up taking a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker. Eddie got
himself a chin lock, but London escaped and hit a gorgeous
DropSault. London went to the top rope, but Eddie pushed
Paul’s feet out from under him and Paul landed on
the back of his neck. Eddie then hit the Brainbuster and
followed that up with a Texas Cloverleaf for the submission.
Eddie wouldn’t let go and Rey Mysterio ran in and
attacked Eddie. They brawled to the back with Rey getting
the better of Eddie until he escaped in the back of a semi.
The Bashems quit
being JBL’s Secretaries of Defense after JBL couldn’t
keep their names straight. That’s why I thought that
Homer shot Mr. Burns.
Cabana was only OK this week. Carlito was great at getting
the crowd to hate him. He said that Hershey, PA, was cool
because it was Chocolate City (hey, George Clinton didn’t
mention Hershey), but then said that the inhabitants of
Hershey must all be fat and have diabetes. Ha! Booker and
Sharmell came out and Carlito said that Sharmell should
be drafted so that she could be with Kurt. Booker attacked
Carlito and they then threw apples at him. After CCC got
backstage, he was mad at Matt Morgan for not defending him,
but he said he had to prepare for the match with The Big
Big Show beat
Morgan by DQ when Carlito hit him in the back with a chair.
The match was what you’d expect. Afterwards, Morgan
was about to give Big Show the F5 through the table, but
Show got out of it, pushed Morgan into Carlito and then
Chokeslammed him through the table instead.
and Hardcore Holly had another decent little match for the
US Title. Holly did the Frankensteiner again, which I’d
forgotten he used to do. He also hit his Full-Nelson Slam.
Holly basically controlled most of the match until Jordan
tossed him out to the apron. Holly tried to come back in
with a Sunset Flip, but Orlando sat down to get the pin.
I liked this a lot more than I expected.
out with a giant chocolate bar. The Divas came out and made
a few jokes. Joy, who looked about 99.99% Amy Weber hot,
said she had a giant kiss for the big man, and she gave
hima giant Hershey’s Chocolate Kiss. Who didn’t
see that coming. MNM then came out and Melina, after doing
her splits, cut a great promo on the girls and on Heindenreich.
This was a seriously great job by Melina. Michelle McCool
attacked Melina, and MNM gave Heidenreich the Snapshot.
Good segment, all because of MNM.
JBL came out
with Orlando Jordan, but Benoit attacked Orlando to even
the odds. This left JBL and UT to battle it out mano-y-mano.
They worked a typical big man match where JBL kicked out
after a Chokeslam and UT managed to escape after a Clothesline
from Hell. After a while, maybe a little too long, JBL took
the Last Ride, but again kicked out, and when Undertaker
signaled the Tombstone, Randy Orton came out and gave him
the RKO, which allowed JBL to roll-up UT for the win.
I don’t have too much time, so here’s the news
Samoa Joe has
signed with TNA and will be on their next PPV.
WGN has announced
that it is no longer interested in working with TNA. TNA
is holding out hope that Spike will give it a slot.
RAW scored a
4.0 in the ratings on Monday, up from the last three weeks
for a very bad show.
CM Punk has accepted
a deal to start with the WWE in their developmental territory.
Quite a surprise when you consider the type of wrestler
that John Laurenitis likes to call up.
There was heat
between Benoit and Guerrero from the ECW PPV, and the two
exchanged words afterwards.
The figure that
some folks are floating around for One Night Stand is 800k.
I’d be shocked it that was the final number, but it’s
not out of the realm of reason. My guy in Boston’s
major Cable Company said that they had huge traffic, about
on the level of WrestleMania, and that each time they have
a replay, the traffic again spikes. All anyone knows is
that this event made tons of money.
WWE is on the
British Isles this weekend, with shows that have almost
completely sold out and made the company a lot of much-needed
the voice of the AWA, died on Thursday. He had liver cancer.
He had also done a cup o’ coffee with the WWF in the
late 1980s as an announcer. He was 73.
all for today. I’ll have the review of the TNA PPV
and more news and views on Tuesday, after I’ve soaked
up a little wine and vine.
about today's column in the forums!