Falls Count Anywhere

06-14-07

Now roll over.

RAW
We open with Mr. McMahon reading a statement about tonight and looking generally out of it. It’s McMahon appreciation night and the draft. These things went together kinda weird, but they did a very smart thing with the draft. Each match during the night was for a draft pick. Win a match, win a pick. This was weird in the Battle Royal because you have guys from the same show fighting, but they tried to cover it in commentary and it kinda worked. They had all the commentary teams and I have to say that Joey Styles and Tazz did well.

Edge beat John Cena via countout in a match that didn’t seem to click as much as their matches have in the past. They were on ¾ speed, possibly because Cena was on the RAW shows overseas this weekend. Edge used a nasty Yakuza Kick that just wrecked Cena. At one point, Edge went for a Spear but went through the ropes. Everything Edge did was really good, but Cena was a little tentative and Edge didn’t push him too hard.

They ended up with Cena about to give Edge the FU through a table, but Edge pushed him off and got back in the ring and Cena was counted out. Not the most fluid ending, but it gave SmackDown! the random draft pick- The Great Khali. I saw that one coming.

They aired video packages from guys ripping on McMahon. Jesse Ventura’s was OK, but he looked really old. I mean really, really old. He’s maybe 55 and he looked like 65 or so. It was a very different Jesse than the one that was Governor. Good promo though, ripping on Vince for being a dictator.

You know, I was wrong. There is another Heel working like a Heel and that's the new Carlito. It was like watching World Championship Wrestling on Saturday afternoon all over again. He took on CM Punk in a decent short match. They weren’t crisp, but it was a solid match and Carlito worked true heel the whole way. Most of Punk’s offense of late has been kicking, and this was no exception.

Punk turned a Carlito body scissors into a Boston Crab. Carlito hit the BackPack, but Punk went out of the ring. When he brought him back and was about to give him another, Punk hit the Go2Sleep for the win. Decent stuff that sent The Boogeyman to ECW. That’s where he belongs.

Snoop Dog in the motherdoggin’ house! Yep, he cut a little promo saying that he dug Cena and Austin and sayin’ that Vince was a jerk. His wasn’t a great promo, but it gave the proceedings a touch of name.

They gave away the whole Jackass thing by having a commercial saying that they were crashing the party at SummerSlam. Have they forgotten how to build an angle?

Mick Foley came out to a lesser pop than usual, but gave a great promo. He talked about all the people who turned down Vince’s offer to send tapes (including Trish Stratus who Foley said was his unofficial fifth child, Shawn Michaels, The Rock, Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan, HHH and Ted Turner) and then said that he wanted in the Night of Champions, which is the gimmick for Vengeance.

Umaga squashed Ball Mahoney. RAW got King Booker. Sharmell looked hot when she came out.

Steve-O did a promo and really gave Vince credit. He looked goofy compared to the other tapes.

Chris Benoit and Bobby Lashley had a really good match that just seemed to roll. They worked an amateur style early which was nice to see. Benoit set up for an Armbreaker, but Lashley got out. They worked takedowns and a serious style early, which is so refreshing. They needed better announcing, but it worked as it seemed people got it.

They started working traditional pro wrestling after that and it was also good. These guys are flexible with their styles which makes for a good feud. Lashley and Benoit worked with Benoit getting the Triple Germans and the Sharpshooter didn’t finish off Lashley, who hit a PowerSlam for a win. ECW drafted Chris Benoit. Nice touch.

The Donald was on! He said it was pathetic that Vince gave himself a night, though he also put over Lashley, which was really nice. Ashley said Thanks to Vince for the Diva Search and Snuka and The Iron Sheik did little promos. The Trump one was the only one with any effect.

MVP beat Santino. I can’t write that name without wanting to make a dead on the causeway joke. This wasn’t a bad match though they worked pretty stiff. I’m starting to really like MVP. He picked up a lot working with Benoit and I’m saying he could actually manage to do what Shelton should have done. MVP hit the Playmaker for the pin and Torrie Wilson is now on SmackDown!.

Bret Hart was back on RAW. His promo was good and he looked pretty good too considering all he’s been through over the last decade. I mean, the guy’s passed 50 now (I think he’s 53) and he looks about that age, which for a lot of guys is pretty rare. He said he couldn’t come up with the words to describe Vince, so he thought about giving him a fist upside the head. Nice!

The Miz beat Snitsky. Wow, that sucked. They did the ending where Snitsky got the win but kept beating on him and the decision got reversed. SmackDown! got Chris Masters. I’m kinda surprised that he didn’t end up on ECW.

Bobby Heenan said he gave more guys jobs than anyone and that he took away more jobs than anyone. Roddy Piper introduced some McMahon clips and that was kinda funny. I’m always happy to see Piper. Mark Cuban said that Vince was a winner and represented the American Dream. I like Mark Cuban, but this wasn’t his best moment.

OK, who’s been teaching Candice Michelle? She hit an enzuigiri! Then a Spinning Heel Kick! And neither of them looked like a total amateur move. I know Dean Malenko and Fit finlay worked with these girls, but I never expected those out of Candice. She beat Kristal fast and that gave Lashley to RAW. The crowd reacted to that pick bigger than anyone else’s. They also stripped him of the ECW title since he wasn’t on ECW anymore. Interesting.

Bob Costas did a bit about Vince’s infamous appearance on his HBO show. He also mentioned that Bobby Knight, the next guest on his show after Vince’s tirade, was a soothing, calming breeze.

Batista beat Elijah Burke, who they really should have moved, and Jeffy Hardy. Batista started fast, but Jeff managed to turn a DemonBomb attempt into a Frankensteiner and then missed a Swanton. Batista came back big and looked a little like the monster he was in 2004 and 2005. He pinned Elijah with the DemonBomb. That brought Flair to SmackDown! Batista was happy about that and he might end up as his manager, which would be nice since it would mean that Flair might get mic time!

Capt. Lou was back on TV! He cut an awesome completely-out-of-his-skull promo. It was just like old times! Dusty Rhodes said Vince built an Empire on the bones of the people he ran over. Mean Gene said that Vince fired him and was very sarcastic. I love sarcastic Gene.

There was a long and pretty dull Battle Royal for the last two picks. Mark Henry was pushed as the monster and he tossed a lot of people. Randy Orton ended up winning and SmackDown! got Snitsky (and terrible choice) and Mr. Kennedy (a great choice!). They really devalued ECW here as the last guy was Marcus Cor Von, who is being called The Alpha Male still. Kennedy got a face reaction and he’s going to be a big star. I’ve been waiting for this to happen to the guy since he came up in 2005.

They had Stone Cold talk about spraying him with beer, about tackling off a Zamboni and more. It was a good Stone Cold interview.

After that, they had Vince come to the ring with his goofy look and then he walked out to his Limo. He passed a ton of wrestlers (and maybe it was my eyes, but wasn’t Sabu there and wasn’t he fired?) and Coach sent him the right way back to his car. He paused in front of Pat Patterson and Gerry Briscoe and then looked back at all the wrestlers. He then walked to his limo and when he closed the door, it blew up. It was an awesome explosion.

Now, I know how they did it, but they used what appeared to be a continuous shot from the locker room to the limo and then they must have done the switch. I didn’t see any cuts until after they blew up the car. It was really well done.

There were folks saying this was a great ending. There were others who said this was a terrible ending. All I know is I thought the Sopranos ending was absolutely terrible and I usually like ambiguous endings when done by folks like John Sayles. This was strange, and if it was the real write-off of Vince, I’m all for it. If it means we get a Vince McMahon Memorial episode, I’m very annoyed. We’ll have to see.

Only one of my picks actually moved, The Great Khali, but the shake-up wasn’t that great except for Lashley and Benoit. I think Benoit will give a little something to ECW that it needs, and Lashley vs. Cena could be a good program.

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Chris Garcia