Falls Count Anywhere

05-14-04

Jacky can pants me any day of the week.

SmackDown!
They opened with the review of the house show angle with Eddie’s mom and the events of last week. It was a good piece that I think will help get the feud over, but it may well be too little too late. They followed it with the new opening featuring laser tunnel effects that reminded me of Time Tunnel.

The first match had Rob Van Dam taking on The Dudley. Bubba came out and was baiting RVD, which of course meant that D-Von would be the one with the match. The match wasn’t bad, as I’m sure these two have worked together a few times since the days of ECW. D-Von did a brutal looking neckbreaker on RVD off the top rope. It was great. The crowd was loud into Van Dam, chanting his name and doing the RVD chant the same as they would have in ECW during 1998. Bubba was wearing a bandage over his forehead, selling the beating from last week, which is a nice touch. The match went pretty well, and ended with Bubba crotching RVD as he went for a Frog Splash and D-Von hitting a DDT on RVD who was on the top rope. RVD has been making an effort to work cleaner matches, which paid off with better, more solid matches. The Dudleys beat on RVD a little more until Rey Mysterio ran in to make the save.

Kurt Angle came to the dressing room where Eddie had hit the slack of his tide of rage. Playing this angle very well, Eddie was silent and walked out on Kurt as he tried to talk to him about being a loose cannon.

They showed Jacky’s win over Chavo and set up the match for Judgment Day between Chavo and Jacqueline. Chavo came out after Jacky pointed out that he lost to a girl. He called Jacky a thief and the crowd reacted as he pointed out the injustice of it all. Then he berated her for cheating, which was an irony not lost on the crowd. He then pointed out that Kurt had given him a rematch where Chavo is going to have one arm tied behind his back. This is a classic Memphis match type that usually was done with the face taking the tie-up. Chavo Classic asked for a match with Jacqueline to start immediately. Chavo took off his watch and bracelet and handed it to Chavo the Lesser.

They showed a YJStinger commercial which mocked those VH1 moneymakers TV shows. IT was quite brilliant.

An ass like a baboon.

The match between Chavo Classic and Jacqueline wasn’t good, but it was a very old school angle. Chavo Classic gave Jacky an awesome back suplex, and Jacky hit a nice swinging DDT. Time has passed Chavo Classic by, which is a shame as he was one of the best wrestlers of his time. Jacky has never been a great worker, but she usually shows good fire, which was lacking here. I like the booking better than I did the match. Jacky pantsed Chavo Classic for the last laugh. Man, she has a huge rack.

They showed the Booker / Undertaker stuff from last week which looked just as weird. They then did another Kurt and Eddie encounter, which sort of telegraphed what they were doing. They were obviously trying to make Eddie break so that they could strip him of the title and give it to John Bradshaw Layfield.

They had John Bradshaw Layfield call in from his limo to the commentators and he talked about his match with Rey Mysterio being a preview of the battle he was going to take to Eddie.

The Full Blooded Italians came out with neck braces and ribs taped to sell the beating from the Undertaker. They were set to take on Booker T, supposedly because Booker requested the match to prove that he’s as bad assed as UT. He dismantled them and worked on their injured areas. He’s a good heel, but this isn’t the right angle for him right now. Booker got the win and as he was about to finish his ‘Can you dig that, Sucka!!!’, the Undertaker’s music hit and Paul Bearer came out while UT himself appeared in the ring. I think they are pacing this right, but I still think that they shouldn’t be wasting Booker with it.

Eddie came out to the ring and talked about the injustice that Bradshaw passes judgment unlike a decent American. Eddie was awesome and got a great reaction from the Biggest Little Crowd in the World (OK, they were in Reno so I had to make the joke). Eddie does such great promos. They’re going to call him a failure as a champion due to the ratings drop, but he’s better in the ring than almost anyone in recent ages…well, except for Kurt. He’s also done some of the best promos in ages. He’s a Hall of Famer if this works out. Eddie had a little bit of sleepness night stubble going, which helped sell the angle even more.

Oh, them Texas oilmen...

JBL’s limo came out and Eddie attacked it with a lead pipe. He backed the window and got the door open, revealing that no one was in there. Security came out and John Bradshaw Layfield had him arrested for destruction of private property. This got some fair heel heat. They are using every trick they used to get Austin over. After they cuffed Eddie, JBL started beating him down.

Hardcore Holly came out with Billy Gunn to take on Rico, who came with Miss Jacky and Charlie Haas. Rico is so wasted in this role. I wish they would end this. Then again, I felt the same way about Goldust at the beginning and at times he was fantastic. The match wasn’t good, even though both guys can work a good match, but Rico’s gimmick is far too overwhelming. Hardcore Holly got the win.

They did another Café de Rene from a studio somewhere. He basically said that Americans were arrogant because we treat everyone like second-class citizens. It really wasn’t much of a Café de Rene, but he has charisma and his work is getting there. This is a solid angle, especially with the flag draping stuff. He ended with a great comment ‘This Sunday, I’m going to treat John Cena like you Americans treat those poor innocent Iraqi prisoners.” That got huge heel heat. Nice segment, though short.

They gave us another Mordecai promo. I still think he looks like if Gordon Lui from Kill Bill Vol. 2 and Scott Steiner had a kid. I think he’ll be a good character, or at least good fodder for the Undertaker.

Sakuda took on John Cena. They showed John Cena on the cover of SmackDown! magazine with Method Man. Doesn’t he know that that Wu-Tang ain’t nothing to…well, you know. Akio gave Cena a kick from the outside. It was only a fair match, but they are really wasting Akio and Sakuda. They could be a great tag team challenging for the belt. Cena got an easy win. They need to bring back legit squashes to help get guys over.

The RAW rebound made the show look really good. They opened with the Eugene stuff, which was a good idea, and closed with the announcement of the Battle Royal. They showed almost nothing of the main event cage match. That says something.

Rey gave a solid attempt to have a match with Bradshaw, but there wasn’t much he could do to make it good. A few spots worked, but the classic big guy vs. little guy stuff has worn thin in recent times. Bradshaw caught Mysterio on a plancha to the outside and gave him a fall-away slam. Bradshaw did a long Human Torture Rack spot which Rey eventually escaped. Bradshaw got the win, but he did take a 619 before doing the classic All Japan Powerbomb into the Turnbuckle and finishing things with te Clothesline from Hell. I always loved that. Bradshaw made some threats and pretty much said that he hoped that Eddie’s mom died. Not a good idea, but still got all intense.

The show wasn’t good, especially not compared to RAW on Monday. They are building Bradshaw right, but they’ve run out of time. I still think he will eventually draw money in the gimmick, but they moved on it way too soon.

NEWS
RAW got a very low 3.4 rating this past week with no good reason for it. At least SmackDown’s rating can be blamed on the Friends finale. No clue as to why, especially since the RAW ratings have been good and the show was fantastic. Maybe it’s proof that the people just don’t buy Jericho as a main eventer, which is likely how HHH will play it up.

I also forgot to mention last week that at that classic San Jose Raw that perhaps the best bump was one taken by Fanboy Planet staffer Sarah Stanek on the escalator at the San Jose Arena. I had thought that it was a different show, but Sarah reminded me with a sharply worked IM on Wednesday evening. I still think Jeff Hardy got it worse.

Speaking of Jeff, there is a movement to bring him back. If they bring him back, it will be in a few months, as he is still of the delusion that he can make it as a singer.

FlashBack!
I’ve watched a lot of documentaries, but one of my favorites has to be Beyond The Mat by Barry Blaustein. It showed at the Cinequest Film Festival in 2000 at the Saratoga 14 theatres. I didn’t get to see it when it premiered, but I did see it at the Saratoga on the opening night of its theatrical release. It also happened to be the night that me and the man only known as Joker got to rub a few elbows.

The documentary itself is fantastic, if not a tad depressing to see two of my all-time favorites in so much pain. Terry Funk’s story is a ‘there but for the grace of God go I’ tale of not knowing when to hang it up. Jake Roberts’ tale has everything to do with how self-destructive a man can be if they succeed early and aren’t ready for the excesses of the road. Blaustein examined APW out of Hayward and Mick Foley at the Royal Rumble in 1998 where he took a dozen headshots with a chair from the Rock while his hands were cuffed behind him.

The story he told was one of trouble, pain and triumph. It was great, and the audience was semi-star-studded.

Dave Meltzer is wrestling’s answer to baseball’s Peter Gammons. He knows everything has been reporting on wrestling for more than twenty years. He lives in Campbell, CA and his Wrestling Observer Newsletter is the source for wrestling gossip, news, and reviews. He was there, sitting a row behind us. I recognized him from the days when he was on the Donahue show with Vince McMahon and from the few times I had seen him at the Safeway on Winchester. Watching a movie in the same room as a guy who was featured is a nice thing, as I could hear his responses to every segment.

Sitting in the front of the theater was Mr. Ernie Reyes Junior. It would be a few years before he had his wrestling connection. He was featured in the film The Rundown with The Rock and had an awesome fight scene with him. We would see him again at the Saratoga theatre on the opening night of The Rundown. He’s another local boy and he is the World’s Biggest Mark. He popped for every moment there was and got worked up over every little thing.

I loved the movie and the audience, which was much like an indy wrestling show. The crowd was small, but they responded to everything. Joker and I were having a great time, and when it was over, we went out smilin’ and laughin’. That’s what wrestling and movies should always do: leave you wanting more.

That’s all for this week. Monday will be even more of the same.

Chris Garcia