Falls Count Anywhere

05-07-04

I'm despondent and full of meat.

SmackDown!
They opened the show with Michael Cole talking about the Guerrero Affair from the El Paso house show. They then did a long piece from that show, probably about ten minutes. Eddy Guerrero thanked his girls, his wife, and then brought out his Mom. She got into the ring and then the crowd started chanting for her. Eddie said she was “The real Mamacita!” and the crowd went nuts.

John Bradshaw Layfield then came in and gave Eddie the Clothesline From Hell, then backed Mama Guerrero into a corner and grabbed her, causing her to have a heart attack. This was better done than the Fritz Von Erich heart attack of the 1980s, and Eddy played his part very well. The crowd was nuts for all of this, and the way the announcers sold it afterwards was just about perfect. Taz wasn’t even wearing his glasses and as such, he came across as far more legit.

Back in the actual show, John Cena took on Doug Bashem, which meant that he did his bit before the match started. The crowd is so into him it wouldn’t be a bad idea to give him an even bigger push right now…if only there was a main event heel for him to go over. He did some nice rhymes, and made a Mary-Kate and Ashley reference (who I’ve heard are big fans of wrestling).

Doug Bashem is done. They should have kept them in the hunt for the tag titles. The crowd chanted for Cena. Man, he’s over. Cena did a great stop of a DDT by grabbing the top rope. I love those logical blocks. Cena go the win and there was a huge pop. Good work, WWE!

Booker T went looking for the answers to his Undertaker question. He went to Mama Sangre, which was all sorts of 1991 WWF. Still, it was funny and could mean that Papa Shango is coming back! Or Rasta the Voodoo Man (who was played by the guy who is now Terry Tate: Office Linebacker). This was weird, but the girl who played Mama Sangre wasn’t very convincing.

Chavo Guerrero jr. came out with Chavo sr., who now insists on being called Chavo Classic. It worked for Coke, didn’t it? Chavo announced that it was Chavo Guerrero vs. The World. The way he said “The World” reminded me of Mickey Rooney as played by Dana Carvey on SNL. Jacqueline came out to accept the challenge, since she had never faced Chavo herself. I believe that Jacky’s breasts put her over the cruiserweight limit. Chavo did some great mic work that really got the crowd hot. He jawed on her for a while, then they started and Chavo worked her on the ground.

I say...that's hardly kosher.

Jacky got some offense, but Chavo ended that with a spinning back suplex. I really do find Jacky hot. I know it’s wrong, but I do. Jacqueline hit Chavo with the low blow and small packaged him for the pin to win the title. I don’t know if this will hurt Chavo a lot or if it will just make things a little more interesting as he goes to get back his belt.

They are really selling this Monday’s RAW…where I will be live. They need to do that from time to time, but after a while, it can become too much like Nitro where they always say “The biggest night in the history of our business."

The FBI were out in the ring when Luther rolled Kurt Angle out. Kurt did a fine little interview saying that as an American he was totally disappointed in each and every one of us. He was getting great heat and then said that he would fulfill his promise of the Undertaker wrestling on the show. Kurt said that he made the offer to every one in the lockerroom and that no one accepted the match with UT. Then he said that the FBI would be taking on the Undertaker in a handicapped match.

The ramp was covered in fog and UT and Paul Bearer came out to the ring. I really liked the camera angles they chose for this one. Still, after all these years, the Undertaker’s is the best entrance in wrestling. If only there hadn’t been that shameful period called the last three years to sully his image. I really think that he should be in the Hall of Fame, but there is a lot of debate. I also think that Bob Backlund, the Andersons, the Midnight Express and Eddie Gilbert should be in, but who listens to me?

Carrie? Is that you?

This was a little more competitive than the Kane squash over Steven Richards this week, but it still was a destruction for two Jobbers to the Stars. I am fairly certain that the entrance went longer than the match.

After the match, they cut to the graveyard where Booker was looking for the unmarked grave. He found it, all the while chatting away to himself, and then the wind blew and a gloved hand came out of the ground. WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?!?!?!

They reshowed the Guerrero-Layfield angle, since they really wanna make sure they got their money worth. Layfield looked like it was an accident when he ran away. They talked to Eddie, who was using his superstar “I’m despondent and full of rage” look. You know, the one every Mexican father has. I know I’ve seen it more than once. He walked off without saying anything, which worked for me.

Torrie came out for a match with Dawn Marie. Rene Dupree was out on commentary. Dawn worked like a 1980s female heel, which is a still that fits her. Dupree interfered and that led to Cena coming out to make the save. Dupree and Cena fought for a little. Dupree is going to be a big star. He’s got all the tools, he just needs the push and a slightly more realistic gimmick. Dupree powerbombed Cena through the announce table.

Hey, is that Ghost Rider in the background?

John Bradshaw Layfield did a tough sounding promo that started very sound and proved that Layfield is going to be the last of the old school heels. He was seriously working like an amped up version of a Memphis bad guy. He even looked the part. This was his best interview that Layfield has done. Great ending line: “My people came to this country on a boat, not an innertube.” I dug that.

Paul Heyman was backstage to convince Kurt Angle not to let Eddie Guerrero work with the Dudleys. Kurt said he’d replace Eddie, but didn’t say who RVD’s partner would be. He sent Luther to get the mystery man. And that man was Rey Mysterio. Rey got a pretty good pop coming out after a couple of months away.

The match was what I expected, in that it was good and RVD didn’t miss too much. Rey was crisp, as he always is when he’s healthy. They did a great spot where Rey did a hurrancanrana on Bubba which sent him rolling back onto his feet, but he was as dizzy as a fighter who had just lost in Mortal Kombat. Rey looked good until D-Von crotched him on the ringpost as they went to commercial. Rey took a beating after the commercial break, but he looked so good selling. RVD came in like a house of fire and hit all his kicks and looked like a million bucks. Hopefully this will get him a real feud with Booker T where one of the other of them will become the big star they deserve to be.

Rey used the Pescado to set up RVD’s pretty Split-legged Moonsault. It was really good at this point, and the crowd was all up in it. RVD missed the Frog Splash. Rey hit the 619 and RVD followed with the Rolling Thunder for the win. A pretty good match. The Dudleys beat on RVD and Rey, eventually getting a chair. Eddie ran in to make the save and beat on the Dudleys. Eddie tossed the ref out of the ring and then hit the Dudleys and a few refs and RVD with the chair. Bubba was bleeding and Eddie was giving the mad eyes, but he stopped after a minute. Nice way to go out. Very Steve Austin.

A stronger show than usual, but the Booker Graveyard stuff was not what they need to be doing. Still, it was short and the rest of the show was good.

NEWS
Pepper Gomez, my Dad’s favorite wrestler, passed away on Thursday. He was a legend in California and Texas and had a famous feud with Ray Stevens. He had been in poor health for a while and been in the ICU for the last three weeks. There’s a lot to remember him by, but nothing as famous as that feud with Ray the Crippler Stevens, featuring the legendary ladder angle. He will be missed as he was one of the last great wrestlers from the heyday of the Shires territory. I met him when I was very young.

Mick Foley will be wrestling in place of Bill Goldberg during a Pride Hustle III show this weekend. He will be taking on Toshiaki Kawada, who is a Hall of Famer and a stiff worker. Hall and Nash will also be working the show.

FlashBack
May 6th, 1984. Texas Stadium. Rick Flair walks into the ring as the World’s Heavyweight Champion. This is the biggest match in the history of Texas in front of what might have been the biggest crowd in the history of the US up to that point. The challenger is Kerry Von Erich and the card was called the David Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions, in honor of Kerry’s brother who had died due to complications from drugs in Japan a few weeks prior. This match can be seen as the turning point in American wrestling, and not for positive reasons.

Nothing will stop my promo.

The industry was buzzing about Fritz’s use of the Von Erich Memorial as a way to get big time interest in World Class Championship Wrestling. Everyone saw the Memorial as a promotion, taking advantage of the wave of sympathy that his death created in Texas. The show was already on the schedule, as Fritz had been planning on running the big show with David pinning Flair for the title (this has been disputed, but I am fairly sure it’s true). Having Kerry fill in was also a controversial choice, as Kevin was older and the better worker. Kerry had the size and body that wrestlers like Hulk Hogan had, so he was chosen: the first NWA champion to obviously be a steroids user.

The match was very good, since Flair and Kerry had worked tons of matches together over the previous four or so years. Von Erich got the pin with a backslide to win the belt. This finish was a classic NWA title change maneuver, one that would be used again in the later 1980s. The crowd was rabid the whole way though, the type of heat you just don’t find today. Sadly, this was also one of the last times that a Texas match would mean so much to the world.

The first David Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions was the peak of Texas Wrestling. While they did have successful periods after, they never attained the same level of exposure and importance on the national scene. A little more than a year later, World Class Championship Wrestling left the National Wrestling Allegiance and saw its numbers dwindle as they no longer could get dates on major draws like Flair. This killed the big shows more than anything, as they just couldn’t pass off their champions as World Champions.

Texas Stadium shows continued, though never came close to drawing what the first show did. As the promotion slowly died, so did more Von Erichs. Mike was first, followed by Chris and finally Kerry. Fritz, the patriarch and former NWA president, passed away in 1996.

Twenty years have gone by and all the small promotions that were thriving are now gone. In the 1960s and 70s, Fritz had taken over Texas through Cable TV and had made himself the only game in town, but also had nothing but faith in his family, was always pushing his sons over other deserving talent and often fired people for doing nothing more than telling the truth.

Does that sound familiar?

That’s all for this week, folks. Read more on Tuesday.

Chris Garcia