Falls Count Anywhere

04-30-04

I'm at Jm J Bullock Factor Two.

SmackDown!
Kurt Angle started the business this evening with a promo that started out weepy, as he said that doctors told him he would never wrestle again, and the his knee was beyond repair. He then started to get cheap heat from the crowd about them being bloodthirsty animals. He really got the crowd working, doing his ‘You animals are to blame for my injuries’ thing. Good stuff. He called out Torrie, which got a huge crowd reaction.

When her music started playing, Angle yelled that they had to cut the music. Nice touch. Torrie came out doing her ‘I’m scared’ bit, which she can never really pull off. Kurt said that he blamed Torrie for him taking Big Show’s Wild Ride. Angle then had his new bodyguard Luther bring the "terrified" woman to him.

They could have used Haas in that spot and helped to get him over, but no, they had to go to a big guy. Angle then said that he could no longer have sex with his wife while people like Torrie pranced around without a care in the world. He made the Torrie vs. Rene Dupree match No DQ and ordered it to start right after his promo ended. Really good evil General Manager stuff from Kurt.

They reviewed the Torrie on Café Dupree stuff from last week and then Rene came into the ring and gently played with her hair and then got her in a reverse waistlock and tossed her to the ground. You could tell that this wasn’t going to be a match, though Dupree sent her to the ropes and Torrie turned it into a Sunset Flip that he sat down on. As Rene was about to slam Torrie, John Cena ran in to make the save. I’d heard that they were planning on doing a Cena vs. Dupree feud, which could be good. Cole and Taz were doing too many anti-French Army gags on commentary. It would have been OK if they had been good gags.

Ah, yes, a woman in peril...

Chavo took on Nunzio, though there was a UnderTaker gong and such during the match that seemed to make the audience think that UT wasn’t going to show up. Nunzio wrestles a very pure style and the match wasn’t bad at all. Chavo got the win and then did a fun little promo saying that he had beaten all the Cruiserweights and that next week it would be Chavo Guerrero vs. The World. Well, the World did cost the WWE millions, so it’s good that they’re getting something out of it…

They reviewed the Dudleys angle from last week with the beat down of RVD. RVD then came out and called the Dudleys out. Paul Heyman came to the ramp instead wearing a visitor badge like it was Krakow, 1939. He did some great mic work and then got the Dudleys over as heels, though the crowd didn’t get into it. Paul Heyman basically said that the Dudleys that would be coming wouldn’t be the cuddly Dudleys, but Heyman’s Dudleys. He then said ‘ask and you shall receive’ and the Dudleys jumped RVD from behind. Eddie Guerrero made the save and chased the Dudleys away.

Booker did a very strange interview about what happened when he was in the ring last week. He then said that he isn’t afraid of the UnderTaker, and from that point, he did a fairly good heel promo. It started weird, but ended OK.

They showed another Mordecai promo that was kinda cool, but he sorta looked like Scott Steiner crossed with Gordon Liu from Kill Bill Volume 2.

Paul Heyman then met the Dudleys backstage saying that he had just spoken to Kurt and got The Dudley a match against Eddie Guerrero tonight, and only people with official business will be allowed to be at ringside, basically saying no one but D-Von and himself.

Booker T was ready to take on Billy Gunn and the match started out nicely, with Booker moving well. The two of them are very similar, as Taz noted, in body size and wrestling style. Booker gave Bill a stiff Reverse Hook Kick. Booker later gave him a Thrust Kick right to the mush. Man, he is working stiff. Billy Gunn hit his Cobra Clutch Slam, which is a move that is far too cool to be wasted on him. Booker got the win, which was predictably followed by the lights going out and the UnderTaker actually coming out with Paul Bearer. The crowd was loud for Booker, who stayed in the ring while UT very slowly made his way in. There was smoke all over the place, which gave it a Mists of Avalon sort of feel.

There, I did it. I worked a Marion Zimmer Bradley reference into a Falls Count Anywhere. There is a reader who now owes me a dollar.

Booker faced off with him, and then in a tribute to every one of UnderTaker’s opponents from 1993 through 1996, he used the urn as a weapon against him. Nice to see him back on TV, though I am sure I’ll be tired of him shortly.

Jacky Gayda and Rico were in the back talking about Haas’ new attire as Charlie said that he didn’t want to come out. Rico was at JM J Bullock factor five this week.

They showed a thing with the Fort Hood troops who had just returned from Iraq. They do so much of this type of stuff, and they don’t publicize but the biggest events. Shawn Michaels was shown doing a great promo on the stage. This was a big event. Good on you, WWE.

Nope. Not touching it.

Rico and Jacky came out first with that nice lighted mini-runway, which is another nice little touch. Haas came out in tights just like Rico’s. He forsook the runway and Jacky laid back to hold down the ropes, but she was replaced by Rico, which wasn’t pleasing to Mr. Haas. The Bashems came out with no gimmick whatsoever. They had a good thing going, and they just got downshifted hard. The match was OKish, with Haas working really well. They did a lot of Goldust 1996 stuff to start with Rico. SpiderBaby must be unpleased by this. Seriously, they did so many gags that sucked that I almost completely forgot that one of the best workers on SD! was in the ring.

They did a John Bradshaw Layfield promo from NYC with him saying nothing new. It’s going to work, but to what level, I’m not sure.

Eddie took on Bubba Dudley in a match that started really well, but didn’t click for me that much. What I like about Eddie being Champ is that it gives guys like Bubba the chance to work in power moves, which will help them when they are taking on other wrestlers. Taz was really good on selling the psychology of the match on commentary. Eddie did some Terry Funk selling for Bubba’s punches that led to a great comeback. At some point, it sounded like the ringsiders were chanting ‘We want Flair’. Weird. The match got better and drew the crowd in. The Dudleys tried the Doomsday Device, but Eddie turned it into a Rana and got the pin. RVD came in to make the save for Eddie, showing that they’ll be doing a tag program of some sort shortly with the four of them. Angle made it official for next week.

Decent episode, though RAW is easily the better show right now.

News
Kurt Angle is getting another neck surgery and is supposedly out until August. Sounds like another minimally invasive procedure from Dr. Jho. The plan is for Kurt to wrestle only big shows, which is for the best.

HHH’s movie is pushed back, as I’ve said, but no one’s sure what the time table is for sure. I’m interested as the leaked script that’s making the rounds on the internet is fairly good, if slightly too focused specifically to HHH.

FastBack!
OK, I don’t have much time and a ton of packing to do. So here’s a quickie recommendation. If you have the chance, or even if you have to scour every Mom and Pop video store in the county, find yourself a copy of WrestleMania VIII. Why, you ask? Well, it’s an important show that everyone should see.

The show isn’t great, though there are a few really good matches, but it’s the best example of a company at the crossroads. The WWF had just made it through 1991, the year when the steroids controversy hit the streets and attendance was going down across the board. They had just blown off the Flair vs. Hogan feud with a bunch of matches that drew well sometimes, and not so well others. The WWF was in bad shape and they put on a very memorable WrestleMania, and one which became a giant ripple point.

It was the only appearance of Ric Flair at Mania until after the Millennium. He had a great World Title match with Randy Savage, and it should be remembered for that, but there was a big problem. Flair’s contract had stated that he would only do Main Events at PPVs. Hogan had been doing an angle with Sid Vicious, then called Sid Justice, and that was named the Main Event. This breached Flair’s contract, allowing him to leave early in 1993 after having one of the best matches in the history of RAW with Curt Hennig.

The match was fantastic, likely the best PPV match from Flair during his tenure…if you don’t count the Royal Rumble he won in 1992. It was easily Savage’s best match of the last two years of his WWE time. The match was also important in that it showed that while Flair would have the title, Hogan would be the star, even if he wasn’t physically on any of the shows.

That’s all for this week. On Monday, from the new Underground Lair, I’ll be back with more good stuff.

Chris Garcia