Falls Count Anywhere

04-27-04

Considerably more than half a pound of Virginia ham.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and I've gotten emails from people I really admire.

RAW
Ah. A ladies' tag team match with Lita and Victoria taking on Molly and Gail Kim. Molly's wig reminds me of Nidia. Lots of good action with Victoria doing most of the selling early on for her team. The crowd was into it early, but certainly cooled when Gail Kim tagged in. The crowd came into it again when Gail knocked around Lita.

Man, Gail Kim did an amazing headscissors submission move on Victoria. It was an awesome move that reminded me of the Sonjay Dutt move from Urban Empire Wrestling (which, by the way, holds up well to repeat viewing). Lita tagged in and had the crowd into the match again. Victoria got Molly's wig, which fired up the crowd. Lita hit her big DDT for the pin. Molly went all nuts as usual and attacked Lita.

The bang came and Kane came down to the ring where Lita was the only person remaining. Kane tossed Lita around a bit, but once he had her cornered, he started stroking and sniffing her like George in Of Mice and Men. He was making kissy faces, and when he made his move, she got the hell out of Dodge. The match was good, but this Kane thing is weird.

"Tell me about the puppies..."

Coach came out and got hisself some cheap heat picking on Kansas. Tajiri came out and Tajiri took the stick and did some talking in English, challenging Coach to a rematch tonight. Coach then started making fun of the way that Tajiri talked and then made his Chinese Food order. Tajiri seemed nonplussed, but then he laid a couple of kicks into the Coach.

As the angle was finishing, HHH came out and laughed at the Coach as Garrison Cade was walking Coach back. HHH applauded Tajiri for what he had done to Coach. Then, after the two of them were laughing together, HHH low blowed him and tossed him out of the ring. Nice touch. HHH whined a bit because Shawn Michaels got his shot at Benoit's title instead of him.

After a couple of minutes, Tajiri recovered and spewed the green mist into HHH's eyes. Trips over-sold it and flailed all around the ring. After the break, HHH asked Bischoff for a match with Tajiri. HHH said that after he beat Tajiri he would get his match with Benoit, right Bischoff? Bischoff? Of course, he was blinded, so he didn't get his answer.

Before Rhyno's match with Rob Conway, Eugene came out and did some weird commentary. He mentioned that Conway was a French Canadian and dropped a bit of history that Pat Patterson was the first Intercontinental Champion. They had a decent match, but Eugene was weirding off the whole time, which caused them to cut away a good bit. Regal took over as Eugene started walking around the ringside area. Regal was solid adding his bits. Eugene was over at the sound and pyro guy's station and caused the pyro to go off, distracting Conway, allowing Rhyno to get the gore. They are managing Eugene right, it seems.

La Resistance were complaining to Johnny Nitro about Eugene interfering their matches. Eugene was celebrating that he would get his chance to wrestle Rob Conway in two week. The new guy was interviewing Benoit and Edge, before they could get talking, Shawn Michaels interrupted saying that they were gonna go one more time for the title, and Benoit said it was for the last time.

Christian, Trish and Tyson Tomko came out. He then did a good promo about taking Trish and all the accomplishments that he's made in the last few months, saying that the only problem is that the World Title isn't around his waist. GrandMaster Sexay came out halfway through a good promo and they had their match, which was pretty average. Sexay got his hand caught in the ropes when he went over with Christian.

"I can show you the world..."

HHH took on Tajiri in a match that started off really fast as soon as Tajiri came in. HHH was selling that he had lessened vision, but he brutalized Tajiri for a while with chokes. The crowd got into chanting 'You Tapped Out!' at HHH. HHH has always been willing to take stiff kicks, and Tajiri gave him a couple. It appears that HHH is trying to capture the magic he had working with guys like Rikishi and TAKA back in late 2000. Tajiri had a really good match, and HHH rose to the style that the Japanese Buzzsaw always works at. Tajiri was getting set up for the Pedigree, but then peppered more kicks into HHH. HHH still had green mist on his face, which was another nice touch. Lawler decided to do a bunch of gags about Japanese folks not being able to say Ls. That was so 1985. I liked this match quite a bit, though it slowed a bit after the first five or so minutes. The Game got the win with the Pedigree.

Matt Hardy came to ringside rather gingerly for his match with Kane. Kane looked like a happy puppy ready to destroy Hardy. Kane basically worked over Hardy until giving him a slight comeback. Kane was about to give Matt the Tombstone when Lita came into the ring. Kane grabbed Lita by the hair and pushed her to then corner where he gave her a kiss. Kane then walked out of the ring all smiles. This isn't what they need from Kane. They need a monster.

Where the hell is Shelton Benjamin? What the hell was all that about if they were just going to stop using Benjamin? Maybe I missed that he got hurt, but he needs to be out there.

They showed a SmackDown Your Vote spot with Nancy Pellosi, Victoria and Hilary Rodham Clinton. Victoria came off very well in this segment. They came back with The King in the ring.

Stacey's popularity seems so inexplicable...

Lawler wanted to talk to everyone about the 2004 Diva Swimsuit Issue. They basically shilled the issue which is not at all bad. Stacey Kiebler came out to a great pop. I don't think any of the Divas have gotten that sort of pop in recent memory. They then introduced Harley Race, 8-time NWA champion and another of the Kings of Wrestling. This, of course, led to Randy Orton coming out to the ring.

Orton laid a decent promo into Race from the ring and then came face to face with Race, saying he was gonna spit in Race's face. He spit in Race's face, then backed away so that Race couldn't reach to punch Orton. Orton got back in the ring when SHELTON BENJAMIN came out to a nice pop and cleared Randy out of the ring. This was a good idea, as it puts Benjamin in a good place leading up to the next PPV.

They rewound to Paul Heyman's SmackDown! and heavily hyped the Undertaker vs. Booker and Eddie vs. D-Von and the Layfield feud. Didn't make it seem that exciting.

Edgeoit (the new shortening for the Tag Champs) vs Flairtista for the title. Jim Ross was talking about the Tag Title victories by Flair and Benoit over the years. Flair won his first in 1974, I believe with Greg Valentine, and he also had reigns with Paul Jones and others. Batista worked over Edge brutally with his elbow into the corner. Oddly, the crowd didn't seem interested from the start. Edge used the Figure Four on Flair, which is a spot that Flair has been letting guys use since the mid-1980s. Benoit came in and gave Batista the Triple Germans, which he took like a champ. Benoit looked to have hurt himself on the Flying Headbutt off the top. The heat wasn't great, but it got better as they sped things towards the finish. Edge worked really well, and Flair was himself, carrying his team and using the thumb to the eye liberally. Batista did his awesome spinebuster on Benoit. Flair was going for the Figure Four when Edge speared him for the pin. HHH attacked Edge after the match. HHH then took on Benoit. Michaels cleared house with a chair and then when he went to hit HHH with the chair, he nailed Benoit and Edge took exception. They were about to brawl, but Benoit came and put Shawn in the Figure Four.

Decent show. I like the wrestling a fair bit and loved a couple of the angles. Good to see Benjamin back, even after my rant.

NEWS
As always, folks are upset about Tyson Tomko getting called up so quickly. The thought is that he's not really ready, but was called up because of his size. It always seems to go like that.

Word has it that the films that the WWE had been considering for Austin will be going to John Cena. That would be a nice way to get Cena into the top level, though appearing in that Highlander movie didn't exactly light up Edge's career.

No word on what the plans are for HHH when he leaves to do his next movie. I think that the Western is the next on his docket.

I caught a bit of Galavision's AAA show with the six-sided ring. It wasn't great, as they've lost all their talent from the glory period of 1993 through 1995, but it was nice to see Hall of Famer Lizmark La Parka entering to Michael Jackson's Thriller, and Pentagon and Octogon, whose feud has been going on for nearly a decade. It was fun stuff, and The Little One said she thought it was silly, but she really liked the skeleton (La Parka).

FlashBack!
There have been several cross-overs from boxing into wrestling. While Jack Dempsey did a few matches and reffed a bunch, Mike Tyson was a ref and is going to be doing some MMA matches. The biggest success in both had to be Primo Carnera, the Ambling Alp.

That's some prime beef.

He had his first pro boxing match in 1928 and he came to box in the US in 1930. He was a top contender by 1933 when he faced Ernie Schaaf. Schaaf got knocked out and two days later died. Carnera was understandably upset by this, but even with that heavy burden, in his very next fight he won the world heavyweight boxing championship. He didn't hold the title for long, but he remained a big star and even fought Joe Louis right before Louis won the title. He had a kidney removed in 1938 and then had to retire until 1944.

Throughout his career he had to fight cries that his matches were all fixed, so why wouldn't he get into wrestling? He had been doing films, some of which did quite well, but there was big money in wrestling short stands to big crowds. He worked around the country, and I believe in Toronto several times. He was not a great wrestler, though he had a lot of charisma. In 1957, he won one of the many "world" titles, beating a wrestler named King Kong. He was the first Heavyweight Boxer to win both a wrestling and boxing world championship.

He stopped wrestling in the early 1960s. When Budd Schulberg wrote his novel, The Harder They Fall, a story about a boxer whose fights are fixed, Carnera thought that it was aimed at him. He sued, but lost the suit. Carnera would remain a popular figure until his death in 1967. Many still debate the legitimacy of his fights, but no one can argue his ability to draw a big crowd.

That's all for today. Friday will feature a special look at WrestleMania 8.

Chris Garcia