Falls Count Anywhere

04-22-05

I am Peanut.

SmackDown!
They opened things up with JBL coming down to the announce position wearing the old WWE championship belt. Then, just a bit later, Kurt Angle joined the announcers. The match they were there for: Big Show vs. Booker T.

The match wasn’t good but the banter between Angle and Bradshaw was solid. At one point, JBL claimed that he never wrestled amateur because he went straight to the pros, like LeBron James. Nice touch, too bad King James isn’t a big enough star to get Cleveland into the playoffs. Kurt and JBL both agree to attack and cause a Double DQ, which they thought would eliminate both of the guys. Theodore R. Long came out and said that was not the case and made a Fatal Fourway for next week from Eng-a-land.

I love Carlito’s Cabana. Carlito is a fantastic heel and in this role, he’s even better. The crowd was into him, which isn’t surprising as Puerto Rican wrestlers have always drawn well at MSG. He eventually turned the crowd against him with an apple spitting reference. He brought out Eddie Guerrero as his guest. Carlito tried to push the troubles between Eddie and Rey, and Eddie called out Rey to apologize. Rey and Eddie hugged, but then we were treated to a shot of Melina and her boys, plus the two guys that she manages, backstage where they spraypainted Eddie’s low-rider. This is the way to get MNM over, and I liked this segment, especially with all of Carlito’s great facials.

Matt Morgan reappeared in WWE rings and looked like a million bucks. He did a bit where he had a nervous stutter. Why? Then there was a lot of Orlando Jordan stuff with Jordan saying that once he beats Cena, the Bashems should do their job for once and soften up Cena for JBL. This was followed by Matt Morgan’s in-ring which was another squash. The only thing of note was his awesome Suplex into a Sidewalk Slam with I will refer to as the Morgan Silver Dollar Slam until I hear a better name for it.

Angle and JBL took on Big Show and Booker T in a little tag match that was solid, if unspectacular. Angle is starting to show that he’s really damaged. It’s not that he can’t still go (the Mania match proved that) but he’s obviously hurting. Big Show got the win after the Chokeslam.

Heidenreich brought out the Brooklyn Brawler, saying he had made a friend. He read him a poem and BB said that it sucked. He then removed his long-time trademark Yankee shirt and revealed a Red Sox jersey. Heidenreich then beat him up. I kinda liked this angle, mostly for Steve Lombardi being beaten up back in Madison Square Garden, where he belongs.

See how it works, people?

MNM won the Tag Team Championships by beating Rey and Eddie in a good match. They’ve really given MNM a great entrance. With the red carpet, the photographers snapping her picture and the splits thing, she’s bound to be the next big female on SmackDown! and they’ve managed to avoid her having to compete with Joy, Michelle McCool and any of the other Divas by having her be an actual manager and giving her a real role to play and a distinct personality. The guys she’s with, Nitro and Mercury, are just big juiced guys and they have some talent in the ring, but everything you could say about the Smokin’ Gunns in 1995 you can say about MN in 2005.

Still, this was a good match and the two of them have a lot of ring sense. With Melina, they’re gonna be big stars. They worked well and Eddie and Rey busted some nice double team moves. It ended when Melina prevented Rey from hitting the 619 and Eddie went outside to yell at her, but she started kissing him and clung to him to keep him from stopping the boys from dropping their finisher on Rey. Rey and Eddie then argued and Rey pushed Eddie. Good segment and MNM is on their way, though it really probably be Melina that takes the spotlight.

Cena beat Orlando Jordan in a weak match. I don’t think it devalued Jordan, because no one takes him seriously, but it was a weak match that doesn’t show Cena as anything special. They need to put him in big brawls to hide his weaknesses. He did fend off the Bashems, which added a little to the match, but really, it was pretty much nothing.

With no real Cruiserweight action, this show was just north of good.

NEWS
Matt Hardy had a long interview this week and didn’t really break any new ground. There was a brutal commentary on WrestlingObserver.com by Edge’s wife, Lisa Copeland, that ripped him and exposed his steroid use. That’s the most damning thing she could have done, as they are already getting heat for the steroid issue as fallout from the Baseball deal and there have been renewed calls for independent testing in various athletic commissions. Yikes. Matt has been thinking about TNA, and Ring of Honor is also in contact with him.

No word on Earthquake’s condition. He’s a tough guy and I hope he pulls through for a little longer.

I Look at the Draft
So, they’ve announced another draft lottery. Great. They’ll get a decent rating and probably manage to fix a couple of problems and create even more for themselves. There are a couple of things they really need to do with this one.

First off, do one of two things with the World Title: either switch where the two guys are or unify the title. I’d go for the later, as that would elevate the title and perhaps even bring it back as a draw. Neither one of them has done significant time on the other side, so a switch would help. It would also allow HHH’s friend Batista to hold onto his belt while HHH won Cena’s.

First off, they need to give Edge the ball. People will only take to this ‘I’m always getting screwed’ bit for so long. A feud with Cena after he comes to RAW could work, if they let him win the title, even for a few weeks so that he could complain about being robbed of the belt afterwards. Edge has a huge upside, and he may be a lost cause if they don’t do something with him soon.

The biggest trouble is what to do with a guy named Randy Orton. They’ve turned him, and that’s a good thing, but he’s still sorta stuck out there. A big, long-running feud, after he comes back, with one of the vet faces would rule. Having him jump to SmackDown! and then feud with the Undertaker as a pick-up from their match at Mania might work, unless they send Batista there since he’ll be over-shadowed. Then again, if he stays on RAW, he’ll be over-shadowed by Randy Orton. Then again, if they don’t do the championship switch, he’ll have a better chance making it as a heel on SmackDown! that on RAW. He should probably move, if for no other reason than he can face Angle and get a couple of great matches out of him.

The institution.

Angle moving should never happen. He’s been a part of SmackDown! pretty much since the beginning and moving him might be tempting because it gets him more matches with HHH and others who he hasn’t faced, but SmackDown! loses its most consistent star. The way they should look at it is who can they bring to SmackDown! that will mean the most when they are faced off with Angle.

That brings up the need for SD! heels. There are the obvious candidates, HHH and Orton and perhaps Edge, but they seem to be more interested in keeping HHH on RAW. I’d like to see Evolution move as a unit to SmackDown! and have those feuds and such. I doubt it will happen because HHH sees RAW as the flagship.

The Cruiserweights are the ones who should bounce around. The smart thing would be to have the new Mexicans, Super Crazy and Psicosis, debut on RAW and to bring over Kidman, London and others. Why? Because it’s RAW and not SmackDown! that will be replayed on Telemundo under the new deal. Having a major Cruiserweight feud on RAW might be nice.

The tag team sitch is much harder. They can’t move either of the new teams because they’ll blur together. They need to make RAW’s tag division beefier. The SmackDown! tag side isn’t half-bad, but they need to keep teams together.

The one big thing about the Draft is they don’t really need to do it unless they plan on following through with real pushes. If they do, that’ll be perfect, but I kinda doubt it.

That’s all for this week! More next.

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Chris Garcia