Falls Count Anywhere

04-16-04

I'm tired of being your geisha.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and I'll be getting a per diem.

SmackDown!
The show opened reviewing last week's angle between Layfield and Eddy, which looked much better in the clipped format. Eddy then came to the ring and gave a promo that was fairly good, but not to the level that they need to get Layfield over.

After a while they did an Anti-Eddy commercial. It was a smart little piece that I liked, even though they are copying angles from RAW. The gimmick works much better with J. Bradshaw Layfield than with Randy Orton. Eddy called out Layfield, but Kurt Angle came out. Kurt talked a bit about getting the match between them done and then John Bradshaw Layfield came out and talked a little. He's got good charisma, that's for sure. The crowd started a big Eddy chant. Layfield came up with all sorts of excuses for not taking a match with Eddy on SmackDown!. Kurt said that he was going to save the Layfield vs. Guerrero match for Judgement Day from Sunny Los Angeles. He then made Eddy vs. The Big Show for tonight.

The Big Show came in to see Angle backstage and Big Show accused Angle of using him as his cutter. Big Show may be headed for a turn…or is he? The Big Show said he would quit if he didn't beat Eddy.

John Cena took on Chavo Guerrero in a Champion vs. Champion match with neither title on the line. Cena got huge heat for his rap before his match. He's quickly gaining at a time when they need more guys like him. He used a local basketball reference, which is his best bit in my eyes. Cena got chants and the two of them had a fair match. Chavo tried, but Cena couldn't work to him really well.

They did a segment with Rene Dupree and Fifi eating at a restaurant. Not good, but not too bad. He talked about having Torrie Wilson and how Fifi was more attractive than Torrie. Weird.

They had a nice segment between Charlie Haas and Jamie Noble. Noble was talking to Haas about what he was gonna do when Rico started feelin' him up in the ring. OK, he said it much better than that. Haas took on Rico after that. They had a little ramp so that Rico and Miss Jacky could pose. How cute. The match was basically a replay of old Goldust matches from 1995. Haas got counted out, a shame because he should be getting a bigger push. Put him with Angle!

They did a spot for Mordecai, a new, seemingly Christian-themed wrestler. They wouldn't bring Christopher Daniels in as Fallen Angel and now they'll do Mordecai. I just don't get it.

Big Show: Sore Loser.

Eddy took on The Big Show and had a match that was better than eighty percent of Show's matches of late. They actually built it very well, considering that they had only one possible storyline to work with. It slowed after the commercial, but they did all the spots that they needed to do. They did a funny spot where Eddy planted a wrench in Big Show's boot, which caused the ref to be distracted. Eddy hit Show with a Tornado DDT. I was impressed with how Show took it. Show tossed him off and onto the ref. Eddy then hit a DDT and a Frog Splash for the win so that Show had to quit. Not great, pretty slow.

Eddy led Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah-Hey-Hey-Hey-Goodbye chants, which really took. Now he can get his knee and elbow scoped and have a storyline. Big Show was crying in the ring and as he left was asking 'Why are you laughing at me?' That was a nice touch. There is nothing sadder than a 500 pounder crying, except maybe a 500 pound clown crying. He'll sleep tonight.

Big Show was in full Mr. Roboto mode after the loss. He was paranoid about people laughing at him, so he stared down Torrie, who played freaked out pretty well. And why not? Big Show said he could break her neck.

Theodore R Long came out to build interest in the not-fired Mark Jindraik. He was doing the old Narcissist gimmick with the mirror and everything. He took on Spike Dudley stemming from the match between Teddy Long and Spike. Jindraik did a dropkick to knock Spike off the top rope from the mat. That was sweet. He shows some panache. Spike went for the Dudley Dog, but Jindraik turned it into his finisher. Teddy R. Long then did the jump into Jindraik's arm, which I think is an old Clarence Mason bit from the mid-90s.

They did the Raw Replay which showed just how great RAW is right now. They really need to bring some of that over to SmackDown! and fast!

The Big Show and Torrie met up in the parking lot as Torrie was trying to go to the Hotel. Big Show was beating on her car. The Big Show was then sorrier than ten men. When Torrie tried to help, The Big Show freaked out, saying that he didn't need her pity. This was a very weird segment. He kept talking about being a man of his word. Torrie's not a great actress, and after the Big Show turned her car over, Torrie ran away and Big Show walked after her like Jason Vorhees.

Seconds away from a broken snout...

RVD and Booker T had a match that started fast and tough, but didn't quite live up to expectations. It slowed down after the commercial, which is a theme of late on SD!. Booker is more interesting as a heel. He's altered his style a bit to one that is less injurious. RVD hit a few nice kicks, and Booker sold really well. RVD hit one of the most perfect Split-legged Moonsaults I've ever seen. He's looking crisper of late. He's a little tumbler, that RVD is. Booker hit a pretty lame Superkick on RVD, but then he tied him in the ropes and started working him over again and again, which led to a DQ. They needed to give this a real ending instead of this one. I think they should always give a main event a real ending. RVD may have broken his nose.

They went backstage and a PA told Kurt that Torrie was in trouble and that Big Show was gonna toss her off a platform. Show got over that he was crazy, and Kurt went and tried to talk sense to him. Kurt went up to where Show held Torrie by her hair. He was asking her to laugh and Kurt finally showed up and said that he wasn't gonna lose his job over Show tossing her over the edge. Show then chokeslammed Kurt off the edge where he landed in the position of a Keith Haring chalk outline. There was a puddle of blood under the back of his head.

Not a really good episode, as they spent too much time and effort on the Big Show thing. There is a sense of urgency to the programming of late on SmackDown!, which has sort of started to reek of Crash TV. That's not a good thing. They need Brock back. They need a heel who can play the top of the card and they need to stop doing the big angles like The Big Show thing.

NEWS
Brock Lesnar has been catching the attention of some NFL scouts after having a public workout. There are teams that are seriously thinking of giving him a try-out because at the workout, he ran a 4.65 40-meters. That's a good time for someone of his size.

Benoit is getting Chris Benoit Day in Edmonton, Alberta this Sunday. He is getting some heat from Canadian press for changing his hometown to Atlanta. Actually, this is a WWE thing, as they don't really want their babyfaces to be from Canada anymore. Edge has been declared as being from Florida (where he presently lives) and Jericho from Upstate New York (where he was born). Christian and Trish, both heels, will remain Canadians.

There is no word on any attempts to settle with the Flight Attendants from Sports Jet. Flair and the WWE should seriously think about doing it soon before this causes any more bad press. They've gotten a few mentions on this one in various papers, but not much. If one of the major womyn's groups picks up on this, the WWE could be in for some rocky days.

Wow. Looks like Steph needs more than a nose job...

Stephanie had a really bad infection in her nose that required surgery. I don't think that is code for a nose job, but you never know.

Kevin Nash was on Jimmy Kimmel hyping The Punisher this week. I didn't see it, but I also hate the Kimmel show.

The Monterey show did so well that there are plans for a Mexico City show in the fall. The WWE's international business is still very big and they have said that they are looking at expanding into 6 countries that they haven't done in at least 10 years. I'm not sure what they are, but if they don't try to do a show in Russia, they're fools, as some friends of mine who just got back said that wrestling is very big there, particularly in St. Petersburg. I don't think there's a Russian TV deal, so they must be picking it up from Finland or one of the other countries whose signals bleed over.

Ultimo Dragon (who is comprised of an S and a more different S as well as consummate Vs) will be taking a leave of absence to handle some bidniz in Japan. He's been unhappy in the WWE for a while, since they won't really let him do anything, and I am not sure he'll be back.

FlashBack!
What is the single most star-studded match of the 1990s? The Royal Rumble in 1992? The Rumbles during the Austin era? Maybe those big deal World War III battle royals that WCW put on? Yeah, it's probably one of those. But for the battle royal that had the most future talent in the ring, you have to look at a match most folks don't know exists: The WWF Dojo Battle Royal from the 50th Annual NWA Convention in 1998.

The WWF at the time had been working with the NWA as a way of combating the NWO angle that the WCW was using to great effect. The angle sucked, as they brought in Dan Severn and James E. Cornette introduced the New Midnight Express of Bob Holly and Bart Gunn. They even held the NWA World Tag Titles. The NWA Board was treated to a fine battle royal featuring a number of up and coming talent that had been training for their shot at the WWF.

The late 1990s was a golden age for WWE development talent. Babu, who had previously been known as El Puerto Ricano, and Tiger Ali Singh, a really terrible worker who would be in and out of the WWF, were there, though neither of them did much. Shawn Stasiak, another terrible performer, was involved. Barry Houston and Glen Kulka were both there, though neither ever went anywhere in wrestling. Kulka, a former Canadian Footballer, was supposed to be a major star, but injuries barred him from ever making it, even though he had a great look. Andrew Martin, aka Test, was there too.

Some of the Kings of the recent Indy movement were involved as well. Christopher Daniels, The Fallen Angel, was there. He was already well-known on the scene as being one of the most talented smaller workers in America. They let him go after a couple more years, though they

Angle at an angle.

did use him as one of the new Conquistadors against Edge and Christian. Teddy Hart, perhaps the most controversial member of the Independent wrestling scene, was also there, before he had earned his bad boy rep. Steve Corina, now a former NWA champ and a former star in ECW, was there, thogh I've never been 100% that he was really a developmental member. Giant Silva would show up in the WWF as a member of the Oddities, but most of his work has been in Mexico or Japan.

The big deal was that this is the only time I can think of Kurt Angle and Steve Dr. Death Williams meeting. The two of them were both big amateur stars and the fact that Williams was on his downslide and Angle was about to debut and make a big splash just goes to show that the WWF had an amazing development program going.

The dismantling of the development territories is one of the many reasons people say that the WWE isn't ready for the future. I agree, though they are still doing good things in the Ohio Valley Wrestling area. Still, if you ever find a tape of this match, watch it and marvel at what they would become!

That's all for this week. More later.

Chris Garcia