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Falls
Count Anywhere
03-22-07
Welcome
to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and this guy's on
the list!
The
Death of Arnold Skaaland
Arnold Skaaland, best known to most as the manager of Bob
Backlund back in the day, died last week. He was 82. He was
a wrestler and eventually went to work for Vince Sr. and was
often put in charge of the money because he was so trusted.
He worked for the McMahons until his death. It's been said
that this death hit Vince more than any death since that of
Gorilla Monsoon.
RAW
RAW opened with a Michaels vs. JBL promo with JBL saying that
Michaels couldn't beat Cena and that he was afraid. Michaels
jawed a bit and then SuperKicked him.
Here's
the thing: JBL is great on the mic and the segment made Michaels
seem like a bad ass, but I'm really not sure this was the
right place for that segment. They should have further teased
a JBL match and then done a jump spot AFTER Mania to start
a feud with Michaels where JBL was really the manager, leading
to the moment when he could come back for one match. That's
what I'd like to see. Still, JBL did his talking thing and
was quite good.
Randy
Orton and Edge had a confrontation backstage about Edge's
spot being up for grabs and Edge having to win a battle royal
to keep his spot. That's a weird stip, but I'll buy it. The
nice thing is they're making us think they're going to feud
shortly, but it's not going to really happen until SummerSlam
at the earliest. Slow builds make for big paydays.
It was
Bobby Lashley who finally made Chris Masters extraneous. Lashley
broke the MasterLock and with it, any chance of Masters being
a money player. Really, he wasn't very good but he always
had the MasterLock to fall back on. Lashley looked good breaking
it and afterward they had a backstage vignette where Vince
said that Umaga would break Lashley and then Bobby was escorted
out of the building. Eugene bumped into Vince and he made
a match with Eugene and Umaga as revenge.
Edge won
the Battle Royal. The participants were Val Venis, Kenny Dykstra,
Ric Flair, Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Haas, Big Viz, Johnny
Nitro, Carlito and SuperCrazy. Edge, who really is in pretty
serious pain from collected injuries, faked an injury, waited
until Flair thought he had won and then threw him out to win.
An old ploy, but it worked because there's not much Edge should
be doing. Edge, along with Rey Mysterio and several others,
were named in a steroid ring investigation along with other
athletes. Bad press to be getting right around Mania time.
They ran
a package for Arnold Skaaland. Good tribute to the old man.
Umaga
absolutely destroyed Eugene. That was no surprise, but then
Vince had him brought over to the barber chair and shaved
most of his head. This got some good heat, but you really
want more from a hair-cutting. Still, a good angle to get
Vince over as mega-heel Vince.
Candice
Michelle came out and issued a challenge to Melina. Melina
came out and did some good stick work explaining that doing
Playboy was beneath her and she had been turning them down
for years. Michelle came back with the fact that she never
turned anyone down and Melina has been beneath every superstar.
Nice touch.
They had
a bra and panties match that was pretty fun, though interrupted
by a commercial. It wasn't much, but Melina just flat slammed
Candice's head into the mat face first and then pulled off
her pants for the win. Ashley came out and pulled off Melina's
top. Melina then beat on Ashley while The Great Khali came
to the ring. Melina bailed out and Khali grabbed Ashley by
the throat until Lawler ran in and made the save, but had
to take the Tree Slam for his efforts. I liked this angle.
Jeff Hardy
beat Randy Orton. This was a pretty basic match with Hardy's
typical offensive maneuvers being the only highlight. Edge
brought in a ladder, which Orton used to get himself DQed.
This was a weird decision booking-wise.
In a weaker
match than he's used to having, Chris Benoit lost to John
Cena via submission. It felt rushed though they had plenty
of time. There was just something missing. It was all there,
the Rolling Germans, the Crossface, the Five Knuckle Shuffle,
but none of it felt important. Cena managed to escape the
Crossface and got his STFU for the win. That was a weird ending
since it kinda devalues Benoit's CrossFace, but it could have
been much worse. Still, the match left me wanting more.
Steroid
Problems
So, several wrestlers were listed in the investigation of
Dr. David Wilbirt and his steroid practices. He issued prescriptions
over the internet, though he stopped the practice in 2005,
before the WWE's drug policy became serious. The names mentioned:
Randy Orton, who had the most different prescriptions, Rey
Mysterio (who got anabolics), Edge and Gregory Helms (both
got Human Growth Hormone), and Eddie Guerrero got a couple
of different steroids. Kurt Angle was also mentioned.
There's
the matter that they got them over the internet, but Wilbirt
also says that the guys saw him and had lab work done before
the issuing of the scrips. That would make it technically
under the allowed provisions of the WWE's drug program, but
I'd still expect at least some of these guys to be suspended.
I'll be
back with another one of these block-rocking beats.
Talk
about today's column in the forums!
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