Falls Count Anywhere

03-19-04

I'm a big fan of Corey Hart.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and in the end, the butler did it.

SmackDown!
The show opens with Cena coming out to the Boston crowd, which gives him a strong reaction. They let him talk and tell the fans that he's their people. The crowd gives him a really good reaction, which is nice as they need to build him huge…especially if they are going to turn him so that they can have a good heel on the SmackDown! side. He makes a gay marriage joke, then apologizes to Michael Cole. He also gives a classic Anti-Yankees riff, which I dig. Best line: I'm like the Big Dig, yo, no one can finish me.

Paul Heyman comes out to talk to John and talks all about the lottery. Paul say's he's gonna be on Cena's ass if he stays around, but after Heyman hits him, Cena goes buckwild. Rhyno attacks Cena and they have a little match with Rhyno looking pretty good. Rhyno might just get over a bit now that he may have to take on higher card matches as a heel. Cena got a fast win, which the Boston crowd loved.

Nice ad for the return of Edge. Where's he gonna go? I am betting that he ends up on RAW, since he's a face and is awaiting a big push.

Heyman made the Tag Title match that the APA was about to have with Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty into a match where the APA would have to retire if they lost…or was it? Turns out that the APA lost, and Paul Heyman then explained that only Farooq was fired, as Bradshaw was too important to SmackDown! He ended up staying around.

They reviewed the Vince announcement, then had Paul go around and talk about folks running the gauntlet. I really didn't catch most of it.

They did an awesome review of Mania. Just a great review piece.

The World's Greatest Tag Team worked against one another in a really solid little match that would have been hot back in 1986. The winner got a shot in the gauntlet match for a shot at Eddy later in the show. It's amazing at how much the crowd today will sway, loving mat wrestling when it suits them, and giving it nothing when it's guys like TWGTT. Really strong match when it comes to wrestling, though. Benjamin got the win with the DragonWhip.

Shelton took on Billy Gunn and the match wasn't great, but Shelton made Billy look better than he normally does. A lot of submissions, which led to the crowd dying. They did a sweet finish where Billy missed a Famasser, leading to Shelton getting a nice roll-up with the ropes for the pin. Nice ending.

Big Show came out and did a promo against Cena. It wasn't a good promo, but it was a little bit interesting to see how Big Show can work his character into one. Big Show announced that he was to be the last competitor in the gauntlet match.

Anyone order a luchador?

Mysterio and Shelton had a great match. Rey started out with a Super Twisting Spinning Headscissors that went way fast. Shelton hit an amazing release Northern Lights Suplex for a two count. Shelton started working the arm. The crowd was quiet, but the match was really good. It reminded me of old Dean Malenko vs. Rey matches from WCW Saturday Night. Shelton took a 619 all wrong, and Rey got the pin. Strong match in my eyes.

They went over the Hall of Fame package again. I still mist up over the Heenan part where he talks about Monsoon.

Rey took on Big Show, which can't be a good thing. Rey did some running, but once they locked up, well, it wasn't good. Big Show did toss Rey around like a fish in Seattle's South Street Seaport, which was killer. Cena came out to taunt Big Show, which allowed Rey to hit a 619 while he was on the outside. The Ref dealt with Rey allowing Cena to nail Cena with the belt. A nice way to give Rey the win.

Eddy took on Rey in a match that opened with Eddy coming out in a Lincoln Town Car. They exchanged fast openings at first, which reminded me of the two of them wrestling in 1997. These two know each other so well. Eddy has been getting such great heat, but in the Northeast, while it's a good pop, it's not nearly what he gets in LA, SF, Texas, or anywhere where you have a bunch of us Mexican types.

Rey was hitting some nice Hurrancanranas, headscissors, and arm drags. There was a much bigger atmosphere for this one. Eddy stopped one of Rey's wheelbarrows into a bulldog by tossing him into the corner. Eddy works the arm, showing a nice bit of continuity from the Benjamin match. Taz and Cole examined what the effect of the armbars would be on Mysterio's work. It is always a good idea to try and get these holds over as legit. They even called the Fujiwara arm bar correctly. Well done. The match slowed, but as soon as the crowd started to deflate, they picked things up. HUGE Top Rope Spingboard Moonsault to the outside by Mysterio.

They plugged the RAW lottery in the commercial break.

We come back and Eddy is in command. They trade some moves, but then Eddy hits the fastest, most brutal tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, also called a quebradora. It looked amazing. Eddy then did an awesome flying Hammerlock for a near submission until Eddy turned it into a small package. Eddy put Rey into a hammerlock, and then stood on his head to add pressure. That was a nice touch.

This match progressed at an almost perfect pace. Rey looked great, and Eddy had another one of his matches where he elevates a match by playing the champ almost perfectly. Rey kinda hit a knucklelock into a flipping DDT. Almost hit, but they still sold it. Rey then got caught in a fireman's carry that he turned into a swinging DDT. Awesome. The crowd popped big for that. The crowd was being brought back into it as they started working to the Eddy signature suplexes. Eddy missed a Frog Splash, but then Rey went for a 619, which hit, but then missed a legdrop. Eddy then got another sweet La Majistral variant for the pin.

Paul Heyman came out and said that he had a vision and it didn't include Luchadores. He did a lot of old school Roddy Piper, or Jesse Ventura for that matter, anti-Mexican stuff. Paul talked about his vision of SmackDown!. As he was leaving, the Undertaker's music hit, which led to a huge pop. He came out and gave Paul a big Tombstone to end the show.

I'd say this was the best SmackDown! in a good while, as they didn't spend too much time telling lame stories and did a bunch of decent matches. I loved the main event and Shelton vs. Rey shows why Shelton should be a much bigger star.

NEWS
Well, I haven't heard any more on the Kurt Angle numbness. He's in bad shape, but he'll probably still be working off and on for a while.

Ron Simmons, aka Farooq, was fired by the WWE. There are lot's of reasons, but the biggest reason is that they still think they need to cut costs on talent. He may be back as an agent at some point.

If you are anywhere near Atlanta on the 28th, you'll want to check out the big show at the Gwinnett, where Lucha Superstars La Parka and Hijo del Santo will be facing off. Should be a huge show.

Lottery Predictions
First off, SmackDown needs heels. I'd expect one or two of the following names to end up on SmackDown!: Randy Orton, Batista, Kane or Christian. They need heels on SmackDown!, and these guys are the ones to watch. Expect a turn or two also, perhaps even RVD, to even things out. Benoit isn't really seen as a long run champion, but Eddy is and they need new heels to face him. There is no thought of switching Eddy and Benoit, though each could prosper on the other show. Where Edge goes is a good question, too.

FlashBack!
The Piledriver video, provided by the Great Professor Jake Stratton, is too good to rush a review of. So, I'm dividing it into a couple of great flashbacks. Here's the lowdown on the Piledriver album in general.

Vince had done The Wrestling Album in 1985, mostly as a way to get people to pay for the theme songs of various WWF stars. In 1987, Vince hired Jay Johnstone and Rick Derringer to write a few songs for the various WWF stars. They came up with eight songs, seven of which were for various wrestlers and one as a general song for the company. This was the start of a long-term relationship between Johnstone and the WWF, one which lasted well into the SmackDown! era. The album is a classic, for so many reasons.

Hulk Hogan, Love God.

The first song on the video is the title track Piledriver. It was written as a theme for Koko B. Ware, the Birdman. The video takes place on a construction Site in San Francisco. They don't actually say that it's SF, but you can see the Bay Bridge and the old Embarcadero in the background, as well as the old Reno Is For Lovers sign that finally came down in the early 1990s. The site is fully staffed by wrestlers like Billy Jack Haynes, Superstar Billy Graham, Don Muraco, Tito Santana, Hulk Hogan, and the very young and buff Vincent Kennedy McMahon. The foreman is played by the legendary manager Arnold Skaaland.

The video starts with Jimmy Hart, the Honky Tonk Man and his girlfriend Peggy Sue roll up on the site in a pink Cadillac. They pass by all the face wrestlers, each of whom gives them the eye until someone drops a piece of plywood scattering them with dust. The guys then go about playing all sorts of practical jokes on the foreman, including filling his pants with concrete and forklifting him while he's in the port-o-let.

The song isn't good, as it's sung by Koko himself. The lyrics feature lines like "Sometimes love feels just great." So you can see, lyricism wasn't high on the list. The song is all that was wrong with middle of the road late 80s rock. Lots of synthesizers and a fun little drum machine. My favorite moments are all when the wrestlers are reacting to the beautiful women who are all walking through the construction site for no good reason. Billy Jack Haynes does an excellent spit take with an apple and the Hulkster does a great chomp out of a sandwich. Funny stuff.

Perhaps the only song on the album that rivals Piledriver as a testament in the bad rock of this era is Girls in Cars, written by Johnstone and performed by Robbie Dupress and Strike Force. Strike Force, Rick Martel and Tito Santana, were the top babyface tag team at the time. The song is all about girls in cars. The video is just a bunch of girls in hot clothes, some of whom are in cars, and others who are on skates. There's a synth sound going and a simple guitar riff laid on top. It reminded me of all those terrible adult-contemporary songs that you heard back then. It's just so damn bad it makes me laugh.

That's all for this week. Next week I'll cover the two songs that actually hold up today: Jive Soul Bro and Demolition.

Chris Garcia