Falls Count Anywhere

03-17-04

Come, beautiful people... bow down...

(editor's note: It's completely MY fault that Falls Count Anywhere didn't show up until today. Well, really, it's Luke's fault, but how can you blame a newborn?) Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and I am worshipped by beautiful people everywhere!

RAW
HHH started out the show. This is an important thing. HHH opens the show when Benoit won the match last night. Eddy got to headline his segment after he won the title, but this was more of Benoit being involved than Benoit getting to be the star. HHH did the right thing last night, the right way, but he turns around and here this is.

I understand that you have to give the guy who just lost the title the chance to get back over, but this wasn't right. Watching Benoit face off with HHH was cool, and Benoit got a decent little reaction. Benoit attacked HHH, which got a decent reaction. The problem is that you need your world champion to get a good reaction on TV or you're doomed. This is a good reason to have Eddy, who gets legit loud pops, on RAW, and Benoit, who could use the sweetening, on SmackDown!.

I really liked it when Evolution advanced on the ring. They didn't charge in, but they stalked in, which added to the drama. Michaels made the save with the chair.

The sun'll come out... tomorrow...

Women's Champ Victoria came out to team with Lita against Jazz and Molly, complete with Farrah Fawcett wig (circa 1977). Victoria started in with Jazz and had some nice work; Lita tagged in and looked not great. She did a suplex into a kip up that was awesome, though. Lita has this weird timing that the girls who haven't worked with Fit Finlay all seem to have. Lita went to bring Molly in by her hair, but the wig came off, revealing her Daddy Warbucks cut. Molly fled the ring, and Lita got the pin with a solid looking DDT.

The Christian vs. Jericho recap happened, which looked great. I love the evil Trish concept. Matt Hardy came out to one of the best Mattitude Factors yet: Matt Is Ridiculously Underrated. Smart Marks rejoice! Anyhow, Jericho destroys him, gets the pin, beats on him a bit and then leaves the arena. The story is that he's furious with the way things went down with Trish and Christian. This segment did nothing to hurt Matt, but gave Jericho another dimension.

Randy Orton did a cocky interview against Mick Foley where he called young Dewey Foley Huey, which I found funny. HE challenged Foley to a match where it would just be the two of them. Normally, I'd say this was setting up a Hell in the Cell, but not this time.

La Resistance is back at full strength, and they've added a dog, Fifi. Austin came out and gave them a ticket for being pieces of crap. Austin has gone from Sheriff to Meter Maid. Odd.

Val Venis came out and had a STACKED female fan take his towel off in a tribute to 1998. She was about to take her top off when Kane's stuff hit and he came down to destroy Venis. Sad, as Val still has a ton of talent and could be a player.

Jacky Gayda and Stacey had something of a match until Vince McMahon came out and they split so that Vince could announce that they'd be doing a lottery to reset things. Well, I'm not sure it's a good idea, but if they keep the core of each show the same, meaning that Benoit and Guerrero stay put and a few challengers are put onto each side, it could freshen things up considerably.

Evolution complained that they didn't want to be put up to the lottery, but Bischoff said that there was nothing he could do. HHH was good as he was making it seem like he was afraid to be alone without his protectors.

RVD and Booker T took on The Dudleys, who seem to have gone heelish. They worked on RVD's neck, including D-Von doing a brutal neckbreaker on him that looked almost scary. Everyone worked hard, and RVD sold like a MoFo. Bubba hasn't given this great a performance in a long time. The finish, with Booker reversing a BubbaBomb into a Uranage, was too sweet. Really top-notch second half to this match.

They showed some footage from the Hall of Fame ceremony, including Heenan, who sounds much better than the last time I heard him speak on KNBR, doing a great little shout out to fellow Hall of Famer Gorilla Monsoon, saying that he it would be perfect if Monsoon was there with him. A rare piece of real emotion from Heenan.

Spike Dudley came out to a nice little pop, but Christian and Trish jumped him. Trish played heel really nicely, and the promo the two of them did after the beating was nice. Christian is going to be one of the bigger beneficiaries of the lottery, I'm guessing.

Rene Dupree came out to talk and Austin came quick on his heels and beat him up. Quick and simple, which I liked.

The Flair, Batista and Orton vs. Michaels and Benoit match was pretty solid. I liked it when Benoit chopped the hell out of Flair, giving him payback for the hundreds of guys have had hamburger chests after Flair title defenses. Orton got a sweet neckbreaker on Michaels, but then Foley arrived and was shown on the TitanTron. Orton saw this, leading to Michaels knocking Orton into the ref. This led to a wild brawl, with HHH's arm making a remarkable recovery as he gave Michaels a Pedigree, leading to Michaels bleeding bad and Flair getting a two count on him.

The match went on and just got better. Benoit got a great chain of big German Suplexes on Batista. He really went into them, which made Benoit look so good. HHH tried to Pedigree Benoit, but he got out and ended up putting Batista in the Sharpshooter for the pin.

Good show. Very solid follow-up to the PPV.

WrestleMania
The Twentieth Edition is much like the tenth edition, with a few really good matches and a bunch that were really just there. Still, the way it ended, it came off as a classic card that folks will be talking about for years.

The opening match between John Cena and the Big Show proved that you can have a match that is nothing but gets good crowd reaction by surrounding it with good stuff. Yes, the match wasn't good, but it is still impressive to see Cena give Big Show the FU. Big Show helps these guys out by taking their signature moves, which gets them over.

They did a bit where Coach was sent by Eric Bischoff to find The Undertaker. These types of things don't work on the big shows unless they lead to a real surprising angle.

Van Dam usually gets better the bigger the show is, and so the RAW tag title match was pretty good, with no missed moves, no ill-timed spots, and a nice performance by just about everybody. Not anything great, and folks won't remember it years down the line, but it wasn't bad. This is the type of match that actually hurts PPVs far worse than awful matches, as they aren't able to advance stories out of them with any sort of recall from the fans.

Bobby Heenan and Mean Gene came out covered in lipstick given to them by Mae Young and The Fabulous Moolah. This sort of thing is no good at all. Doing comedy with these guys isn't great, but it's what Gene has always been doing.

Christian vs. Chris Jericho was a great match and I think it sets up things rather nicely for a big push for Christian. Jericho is great, as the fans respect him and a big win on a big show for Christian will help him. I like the fact that they turned Trish, which adds some dimension to the women's division and they also get another woman manager type, allowing for a little more T&A. Great match that should be rewatched again and again.

The Rock and Foley lost to Flair, Batista and Orton in a match that was good, especially since it gave the crowd just about everything it wanted. Flair and Rock worked together in a way that was amazing. What would the two of them have been able to do in 1998? It was solid and having Orton get the win with the RKO was the right call.

They intro'd all the Hall of Famers to the crowd and they got a great reaction. Greg Valentine, Tito Santana and Don Muraco are all guys I don't think most fans would have thought of, but they were all fantastic performers for the company over the years. As a kid, I really liked Tito, and Greg Valentine was a huge star.

Lame, but effective.

The Playboy match was very lame. True, it did exactly what it was supposed to, as we got to see them in the bra and panties, but really, it was a waste of time.

Did anyone else figure that the Cruiserweight Open would fail to live up to expectations? I certainly did, since it was obvious that they weren't going to give them enough time. It was a gauntlet match, which is a nice format allowing folks to do their fast moves, get a nice bump or two, maybe a cool dive, and that's that. It was nice to see Chavo retain, but the match didn't get enough time.

Goldberg vs. Lesnar was hampered by an ECW type crowd that booed Brock and Goldberg both for leaving, did a bunch of chants on how they had both sold out, and just crapped on the match. Still, Goldberg got the win, which was what I expected, as they figured that they might have a better chance at getting Goldberg in the near future. Still, a solid match from start to finish. It's shame it had to end on this note. Austin gave everyone stunners and even dropped a couple of the beers that were tossed to him.

The SmackDown! tag title match wasn't bad, but badly rushed. The Bashems looked pretty good. I like the SmackDown! tag scene, and they should try to build The World's Great Tag Team back up to be big stars. Maybe reteaming them with Angle wouldn't be a bad idea.

WrestleMania turns legal at LA's Staples Center in 2005. I'm so there.

The Donald and Jesse the Body had a little talk outside the ring. Kinda weird.

Victoria and Molly had their little match, which I liked for what it was. Victoria won with the backslide, a move that doesn't get used enough anymore, but Molly tried to shave Victoria's head. Vicky managed to get free and strapped Molly into the barber chair to shave her bald. I liked it.

Eddy and Kurt had a match that I thought was fantastic. The two of them are just so good. They should have had a little more time, but what are you gonna do? Great finishing segment. Kurt had the ankle lock on and Eddy's boot came loose. A great escape by costume malfunction. Eddy got the win with the ropes. This may have re-aggravated Kurt's hurt neck, as he was complaining that he was numb in his fingers again, but still, this match was fantastic.

If this doesn't work, we'll try the post-apocalyptic wasteland.

Undertaker came out with Paul Bearer. SWEET! There were Druids! UT had a very Jonah Hex thing going on, too. The match was pretty much what I expected, but the rebirth was well-done.

The main event triple threat match was great, with high drama, great brutality, a strong storyline, and the right ending. Tossing Benoit through the table was a great moment. The whole thing just flowed and moved, and the blood added the feel of a classic NWA title match. Benoit got HHH to tap, which is huge, and then went on to celebrate in the ring with Eddy and his family. There was a ton of emotion here, as this is really the first time that Benoit has been called on as the big guy. Even though it was a work, it was as real as you'll ever see.

Really great show.

That's all for today. I'll have more for you on Friday, including the return of FlashBack!

Chris Garcia