Falls Count Anywhere

02-24-04

Voiced by Brad Garrett.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and the going is good.

RAW
Nice recap of the main event from last week. They managed to make the whole thing look really important. There are folks who question having Benoit job before his match at Mania, but it can work, as it makes him seem like a bigger underdog.

The opener was Lita vs. Molly vs. Victoria vs. Jazz in a Fatal Fourway match. Victoria was smokin' hot, and also didn't come out with Steven Richards. Victoria blew a spot trying to throw Molly out early, but got it together after a little bit. Jazz took an awesome DDT from Lita for the first elimination. Lita got tripped face first into the middle rope. Molly came in and started cleaning house, including giving a double handspring elbow to Victoria. Molly was trying to pin Lita when Victoria tied her up for a bridging pin. Molly flipped out from being pinned and knocked Victoria around. The crowd started chanting Lita, hoping that they could lead her to a win.

They went to a commercial and when they came back, Victoria had Lita in a headlock. They traded a few slaps and Victoria started working Lita on the mat. The crowd was really into the match, more so than any other woman's match I can think of in recent months. Victoria tried for a F5, but Lita turned it into a really messy headscissors. Lita tried a sloppy Twist of Fate, and got a couple of near-falls. Victoria caught a sloppy roll-up for two. They kept trading near falls until Lita went for the moonsault, but Victoria caught her on the top rope and gave her a brutal looking Widow's Peak for the win. Victoria did the freaky celebration on the mat. A very solid and heated match

Vince came out in a limo and ordered his wrestling gear brought to the office.

Didn't Jack Kirby foresee this in New Gods?

Coach informs Bischoff that Vince has arrived, and then Christian comes in to do the same and asks for a Tag Title Match at Mania. Bisch says no, 'cause he doesn't like Jericho, and he makes a Christian vs. Trish match for later.

Randy Orton took on Val Venis in a match that I really enjoyed. The match went back and forth. Randy Orton reminds me of Venis back in 1998 or so. He has all the tools, he just needs the push and the experience. Val looked like the future of the WWF for a while. Let's hope it works for Orton. Venis hits a great spinebuster for a near-fall. Good little match that ended with Randy hitting the RKO for the pin.

They show a classic Nitro clip where Bisch challenged Vince on air. Eric is trying to figure out who gave the OK to show that clip. Austin comes in and asks why he's afraid of Vince. Austin reminds Bisch of the acts that he has perpetrated on the various members of the McMahon family. He is about to describe a very personal fantasy he has that includes Steph when he figures out that Vince is behind him. Vince barks like no one else could, and says he's heading for the ring.

Flair and Orton are giving the talk up to Batista and HHH joins in and says he's got something to say out in the ring. If HHH has something to say, it happens in the ring. Evolution comes out to the ring, and HHH says he'll win at Mania and blah, blah, blah. Benoit comes out with a chair, and after a bit, he's attacked by the Evolutionists. Shawn Michaels makes the run in and makes the save. Benoit then gives the crossface to Michaels to end a hot segment. Austin says that none shall interfere in the Benoit vs. Batista.

I should say that the crowd has been great all night. It showed in the Benoit vs. Batista match. The crowd was hot as we came back from break with Benoit working over Batista's knee. The big man finally gets a shoulderblock and takes over. There's a bunch of back and forth, and the crowd likes it. BIG Spinebuster from Batista. Benoit does his German Suplexes, and it eventually comes down to Benoit being up for the Demonbomb, but Benoit escapes and gets the crossface for the win. Great reaction for the tap out.

Austin asks Bischoff where the Nitro Bisch has gone?

Booker T and RVD beat La Resistance with a pretty solid match. It was short and sweet, and they gave the Booker V team the combo finisher of the Scissors Kick with the 5* Frog Splash.

They show a bunch of photos of Foley as they review the angle from last week. Man, he looked bad.

Trish and Christian had a thing where they were talking about the match later. Christian said he'd lay down for her, and maybe later she'd lay down for him. This grosses Trish out, but Christian claims it's just a test. I like this story still.

They go over the beating of Mick Foley from last week, and then go into one of the
black box interviews between JR and Foley. Foley starts out very emotional, then
changes into the raving character that Foley does so well. Great segment.

Christian took on Trish. Christian laid down for Trish, but kicked out with authority at two. Trish is wondering what the hell just happened, and she tries to head for the hills. Christian smacks her ass, which leads to Trish turning into a nice clothesline. Christian laughs and locks her in the Wall of Jericho. Trish taps, but Christian keeps the Walls on. He yells "Where's your boyfriend, Trish?" and is an awesome heel. He gets a great reaction for it too.

Bischoff is in the bathroom with Coach talking through the door. Bisch comes out and declares that he will end the Monday Night Wars tonight!

Because we haven't run Stacey in a while...

McMahon comes out to make his special WrestleMania announcements. The lovely twosome of Jacky Gayda and Stacey Kiebler join him asking for a match at Mania. Vince announces a tag team evening gown match for the Big Night. That's good news.

Kane then comes out and says that Undertaker is driving him nuts. Vince then gives him his match and we are set for another big event. Vince then announces that he's making Brock vs. Goldberg for Mania. Austin comes out and says that it'll need a special ref, and he's the only bastard who can do it. Vince says that he's going to test Austin's abilities by having him ref the Bisch vs. Vince match. The match is just a brawl, and not a good one. Austin gets some cred by making Vince break when Bischoff is in the ropes. Eventually, Vince keeps beating on Bisch when he's tied up, and Austin pushes Vince. This leads to Bischoff getting the advantage and laying in some really bad kicks. The two of them end up outside, and Austin is counting, when Brock runs in and gives Austin the F5. That's the way you end a show.

I liked it a lot as it did nothing but advance storylines. They are doing great TV leading up to Mania.

NEWS
Not too much. The wrestlers in TNA are starting to worry. Various reports have said that folks are just looking at it as a job and not as a revolution. There are widespread worries that Vince Russo is starting to creep in again, taking the reigns a bit from Jeff Jarrett and Dirty Dutch Mantel.

Ron Simmons is thinking about retirement, according to the Observer. He's 45, has been injured throughout his career, and has thought about becoming an agent in the past. Simmons is a legit College Football legend, was WCW champ, and at one time, was a top-notch worker. His Nation of Domination gimmick was a great piece of work.

There is talk that Brock Lesnar is getting a bit too big for his britches. He recently has been heard to complain about the travel sched, and that it doesn't allow him time to work out. He may have actually bought a plane so that he can get around faster and easier. He wasn't thrilled about dropping the belt before Mania, which is an interesting point. It's true that Goldberg vs. Brock for the belt would be a bigger deal, but it doesn't really need the belt to draw. Since Goldberg isn't signing, they could have had Brock keep the title over Eddy in controversy, have him beat Goldberg, then lose to Eddy in a rematch. Doesn't really matter, as Eddy was certainly going to get the title soon.

Sales for future WWE shows have been increasing. Not surprising, as WrestleMania is right around the corner, and they've been doing good stuff the last few weeks.

FlashBack!
Wrestling and cartoons have a long tradition of intermingling. A personal favorite of mine is when Bugs Bunny took on The Crusher in a match for the old Looney Tunes Wrestling Federation. Over the years, there have been a ton of wrestling references on popular cartoons, especially on the Simpsons. There have even been a couple of wrestling cartoons, with the first being the most classic.

There's like six volumes of this stuff!

Hulk Hogan was the king of the wrestling world and a big mainstream star. Though wrestling's biggest audience had traditionally been men, Vince McMahon had begun to work the WWF's product towards children. Along with DIC entertainment, Vince produced Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n Wrestling for CBS. Hulk Hogan provided a few live promo segments that showed with each episode.

The premise was simple: Hogan led his group which featured stars like Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, Andre the Giant, Hillbilly Jim, Junkyard Dog and Wendi Richter, while Roddy Piper led his group which had Mr. Fuji, the Iron Sheik and the Fabulous Moolah. They would square off in all sorts of contests, like battle of the bands and even the Junkyard 500. It was a very simple cartoon, and I don't think they showed any wrestling in the show. At the time, it was thought of as a terrible cartoon, though the years have been kind to it as wrestling fans of that era have fond memories of it for some reason.

Probably the strangest thing is that the wrestlers did not do their own voices. Everybody Loves Raymond's Brad Garrett did the voice of Hogan. The late Lewis Arquette could be heard as the voice of the Superfly. James Avery from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was the voice of the Junkyard Dog. A lot of kids picked up on the fact that these were imitators. It wasn't until Bret Hart appeared on The Simpsons that a real wrestler did his own voice on a cartoon.

You can get Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n Wrestling on video. It's worth it just for the Roddy Piper stuff and the nostalgia factor that it provides.

That's all for now. ON Friday, more food, folks and fun!

Chris Garcia