Falls Count Anywhere

02-06-04

With a little bit of mustard, that Cleveland thing's not bad...

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and I'm officially a writer of smut.

SmackDown!
The recap of last's week's Rumble was awesome. They really are going to get Eddy over as a big deal. I'm betting they are going to have an easier time than they are with Benoit on RAW.

Paul Heyman opened up the Arena portion of the event by welcoming us to the pinnacle of sports entertainment. He is very good at playing the commish, and he did some inside references, talking about having a ratings "Hook" and saying that the boys in the back were going to have the chance to be in the SmackDown! Main event at WrestleMania. He then accused Bischoff of babbling during his interviews and announced that the first match was for the WWE tag team titles.

Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi beat The Bashems to win the titles. Now, I know that this fits in with a storyline that runs more than a month, but still, I don't think it's a good idea to put the belt on Rikishi and Scotty. The Bashems are good, and they worked a smart match, though it was nothing really good. I like the Spinning Back suplex, and Danny Bashem does a very good variation. Scotty played Ricky Morton: Face in Peril very well at the start of the match. Shaniqua is going to be a huge Diva if they give her a chance. Fair match, which got some decent heat after a while, but not the right booking decision in my eyes.

Another great package to get Eddy over as a Superman since they showed that he overcame getting beat on to win the Rumble. They are really pushing him and I am betting that it will work.

Dawn Marie's streak of being incredibly hot continued as she opened the John Cena and Paul Heyman segment. Heyman was working Cena for being too ribald, and benched him for the night. Heyman referenced a Sword of Damacles hanging over his head in the same segment where Cena was talking about his sneakers not being the only thing he could pump. Nice touch.

The Big Show took on Billy Gunn. Tazz and Michael Cole tried to get both guys over by listing their former championship reigns. Folks don't care about titles much anymore, but doing things like listing titles is a good way to start to rebuild them. There wasn't much heat for the match, but Big Show has been made into a real monster. It went way long before Big Show got the win. Gunn hit an awesome dropkick to escape from a chokeslam, then hit a Famasser for a hot near-fall. The match went long, but finished hot.

Chavo jr. was complaining about Rey Mysterio and after Heyman agreed to give him a match, Chavo said he'd tear off Rey's mask.

Eddy came out for an in-ring interview and got an awesome reaction. Eddy was exuding Latino Heat when Brock came out. He crowd was hot to see the two of them in the ring together. This bodes well for next week's PPV in San Francisco, where I'll be live!!! Brock was great on the stick this week. He can get a great response from the crowd now. He's going to be the total package before too long. Eddy has even better when he got his chance. He was great talking about overcoming his obstacles. He really came off as a 1980s face challenger who was getting his first chance. It reminded me of Ricky Steamboat right before his run at Flair in 1989, or some of Bret Hart's mic work before his run. Brock called Eddy a nobody and then he knocked him out of the ring and held onto his belt. Then he put the belt on and looked good wearing it. It was a solid interview with Eddy doing some of his best work in ages.

Jamie Noble took on Billy Kidman in a match that was really a showcase for two of the more undervalued wrestlers in the WWE. The crowd didn't seem to care much, but the match really worked. It was very much in the style that they are trying to push, which is actually a style that is less suited to these two. It felt like a Velocity match, but once Nidia came out, the crowd seemed to pick up. Nidia had Noble's wallet and started throwing money to the crowd, which distracted Jamie enough to allow Kidman to get the pin. Nidia looked really good. After the match, Heyman made a match between Nidia and Noble for No Way Out.

The Rey Mysterio video was actually kinda good. Better than that Konnan video from years back. Not as good as some of the stuff on Piledriver either. Lots of hot honey across the screen, and a great photo of little Rey with an awesome MexiMullet.

Rue DeBona, who may be hotter than Lillian Garcia, made the official announcement of Torrie and Sable in Playboy. Subscribers have known this for a month, but the WWE just let us in on the fun.

Chavo Sr. took on Rey in a match that featured some of Chavo's old school work. He was a great worker back in the day, and he's still got a little bit of it left in him. Best line from Tazz "How great is Chavo Sr. I mean, for a guy in his late 30s." Classic. It was a fun little match that didn't last long, but I liked what they did in the couple of minutes they had. Chavo beat on Rey after and was ripping at the mask.

I would shave my head for this woman.

Dawn Marie was rubbing her boobs on Paul's head. He has a lucky, lucky pate.

Kurt Angle took on Hardcore Holly. They did a nice bit of groundwork early on. They went over Kurt's title reigns, both pro and amateur, and Holly's reigns, which include Hardcore title reigns, which were really a joke. Kurt was great here, as usual. Hardcore and Angle are about the same size, the same build, but Kurt is a great worker and Hardcore is a solid brawler. Holly went for a powerbomb, but Angle started punching him in the face, so Holly turned it into an awesome Hot Shot across the Top Rope. It was a really good main event. Angle could have a good match with anyone, but Holly put forth an awesome effort. The match had a really physical feel with a legit ending that just worked perfectly in the context of the two characters.

Heyman followed the end of the match by coming out to announce the WrestleMania Number One Contender. Big Show came out and was really good at saying that he deserved the shot. Kurt said he'd take on Big Show in any athletic contest he wanted, but with the caveat that a Pie Eating Contest was not an athletic contest. Big Show did the legendary "I eat piece of crap like you for breakfast." line with Kurt doing the required response. Heyman was about to announce the two of them as the match for the title shot at Mania when Cena came out to make his claim. He got a huge reaction coming out. Man, I didn't think that the phrase Milk Mustache could be made dirty. Big Show and Angle, after taking Cena's double entendres, begged Heyman to add Cena to the match at No Way Out. Paul gave him the spot and that was that. Cena then made a reference to a Cleveland Steamer. Sometimes, I think he goes a little far.

It was a good show to build the No Way Out card, with a lot of talking and a little wrestling. I would have liked to have seen Eddy in the ring for a big win instead of the Kidman vs. Noble, but still, a fairly good show.

NEWS
RAW did a 3.7, which is not terribly good after a great week last week. It would seem to suggest that last week was an anomaly, likely due to being after one of the big PPVs. I imagine folks will find a way to pin this on the Benoit jump not working, which I don't think is true.

Backlash, the next RAW only PPV, will be coming from Edmonton, Ontario. They had the official press conference announcing it. Benoit is a native of Edmonton, well Montreal is where he was born but he lived in Edmonton for most of his life, and is expected to be in the Main Event.

If you are a reader in Texas or the surrounding states, Wrestlecon comes to the Arlington Convention Center this weekend, with Mick Foley, Al Snow, Ivory and King Kong Bundy there to sign autographs.

There is all sorts of heat on HHH right now, or so says the Torch. Most folks are thinking that HHH is having the main event at Mania changed to a three-way so he can get out of having to actually job to Benoit, which I've said before. There is also the fact that he has been pushing this new, slower style of wrestling that really favors his way of working, while hurting undercard guys like RVD and Matt Hardy. Then, to really annoy folks, he and Shawn Michaels had a very different type of match at the Rumble after everyone else had been told to follow the orders of safer matches. He's always getting heat, some of it undeserved, but folks have a point here, especially on the Benoit thing. He's openly said that he will not job to Benoit, which is like saying he'll never give up the top spot. Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle are always giving up jobs to guys, which HHH seems so unwilling to do. May be part of the reason why there are still better ratings on SmackDown! than on RAW.

An axe fell yesterday, as young Zach Gowen was officially released. No surprise there, as he had backstage issues and hadn't been used since his concussion at the hands of Akio and Sakoda. It's not a great thing, since he was a talented kid, but still, he had to go.

I bought Pro Wrestling Illustrated's year end issue yesterday. While very few take the PWI awards seriously, I gotta say that they made some fairly good choices. Kurt Angle won Wrestler of the Year, Comeback of the Year, Most Popular Wrestler, shared the feud of the year for his run with Brock, and Match of the Year was the Ironman Match with Brock Lesnar. John Cena won Most Improved, Trish won Woman of the Year, HHH won Most Hated, and Zach Gowen won Inspirational. The World's Greatest Tag Team won Tag Team of the Year, which would seem to make sense.

Mark Henry is getting shoulder surgery and will probably be out for a few months. No huge loss. They are playing it off as if Benoit hurt Henry's shoulder in the match on Monday, which would work if anyone believed that Mark Henry was anything special.

FlashBack!
Randy Macho Man Savage was a huge star during the 1980s. Though he was blacklisted for working for his father's ICW, he built a name and eventually got into the WWF where he broke loose and got huge. Some folks forget that Randy had a brother named Lanny, or if they do remember him, they remember the dumb poetry gimmick he had during his various WWF runs. He was a talented flyer back in the day, and he was one of the first wrestlers in the WWF to do the moonsault. The brothers Poffo would occasionally team and there was a classic match where the two of them met another pair of legends: Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson, aka The Rock 'n Roll Express.

Randy and Lanny came to Memphis sorta half-way, while still working ICW, and started a feud with The RnRs. The Poffos did a great interview saying that they were gonna take out the Express "Mafia-style" which coming from Randy Savage had an air of believability. The two teams met in a classic tag team match in June of 1984 in Memphis.

The match was great, with Morton doing the classic face in peril bit that he perfected over the years. Lanny was good, doing his bit to make the match great, and Savage was Randy Savage on one of his on nights. He was really great when he wanted to be, and as a heel, he was doing his best work. The match was going great, a good brawl, some solid work, and then Morton got tossed over the top rope.

You must understand a few things about Memphis. Getting thrown over the top rope to the floor would get your opponent DQed. It was the same in the NWA and I think the AWA too. The Piledriver was also illegal. No, not just illegal, but the ultimate illegal move. It's the same way in Mexico today, but when a piledriver was used, it was a big deal. Even though Lawler used the piledriver a lot, it was mostly used in big feuds where something huge had to happen to end it. That's the important thing to know before going on to what Randy Savage did.

Savage was brawling outside with Morton after the DQ. The pair were having a grand old time when Savage stood on top of the table and brought Morton up with him. Savage then piledrove Morton through the table.

This changed everything.

It certainly was not the first table spot, but the fact that a big name babyface had been given the most sinister of Memphis moves onto a table set the world on fire. The crowd jumped to their feet, not in an ECW way, but in serios concern for Ricky's life. If you spend ages building a move up to be the end all, beat all move and then you perform it on a table, it gets a serious reaction.

The feud went on a little bit longer, and then Savage came into the WWF for his big run. The current WWE could learn a lot about how to make long run feuds and injury angles work from this one match.

Chris Garcia