Falls Count Anywhere

01-23-04

Come to me, Dawn Marie...

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and I was on TV this morning!

SmackDown!
I was not thrilled by SmackDown! this week, but I will say that there were some really nice elements. I don't think it built to the Rumble as well as RAW did, but the wrestling was certainly better.

They opened with a nice package reviewing the happenings in the Guerrero vs. Guerrero feud. I still feel it set on the windowsill a little too long, but the last couple of weeks have been real good.

Rey Mysterio took on Chuck Polumbo in a match that was a typical little guy getting a push against a big guy without one match. Rey did some nice spots and bumped like a mad man. Chuck delivered a brutal looking back suplex that folded up Rey. Rey won by turning a Death Vallet Driver attempt into a roll-up. The FBI beat on Rey a little afterwards. Jamie Noble came out and gave Don Nunzio an envelope of cash for the beat down.

Paul Heyman does a long promo berating Benoit and Cena for their acts of Thuggery. He accuses them of having no respect for him or the English language. It was one of those promos that led to a match-making introduction where Paul introduced each member of the handicap match against Cena and Benoit. Rhyno, Matt Morgan, Brock Lesnar, and Big Show. Nice promo.

Angle confronted Los Guerreros Nuevo in the back, asking how they could do what they did to Eddy. Not bad, as Chavo Sr. still has a lot of old school charisma.

Big Show told Brock to stop following him around. It was a nice touch, as Big Show has some great comic timing. Brock looks like a chicken in this storyline, which is a good thing as it may give Holly some credibility. Their match at the Rumble will be a big deal, for the rest of Holly's career rides on getting a good reaction.

Does she do anything but taunt Garcia?

A-Train came out, without his facial hair, and Dawn Marie, Holy Crap was she HOT!, came out and said that Paul Heyman was giving him a qualifying match with Shannon Moore. Of course, A-Train pretty much squashed him, but Shannon looked good as always.

Cena did a sub-standard rap to open the handicapped match. He made a number of references to Big Show providing oral stimulation to Paul Heyman, but it wasn't delivered as well as he usually does.

They brought out a lifeguard's chair from which Paul Heyman would watch the match. It was a really nice touch. The heel team was short a guy, since someone parked a forklift in front of Big Show's dressing room door.

The match went on with Brock, Rhyno and Matt Morgan taking on Benoit and Cena. It wasn't bad, since Benoit, Brock and Rhyno were in there. Benoit was treated like the next big thing, as he got all sorts of big spots and offense. Brock was knocked outside by Rhyno and then blind-sided by Hardcore Holly. Security pulled them apart, allowing Brock to hit a sucker punch.

The rest of the match was very solid, especially with Rhyno working a fair bit of the way. Matt Morgan is obviously trying, but he's not there yet. Cena got the pin with the FU, and after the match, they pushed the lifeguard tower towards the ring, dumping Heyman into the ring hard. As Cena and Benoit went after Heyman, Big Show came out and Chokeslammed them, then tossed each over the top in a symbolic act of elimination.

Billy Gunn's #1 Moment: The publicity from the Wedding of the Century. Why is that? Because it's the only time you'll ever hear Billy Gunn's name mentioned on any non-wrestling television show.

Angle tells Eddy to control his temper and that the match they were about to have was a match and not a fight. He says that Eddy never won the WWE title because he couldn't control his Latino Heat.

Brotherly love...

Los Chavitos beat Eddy and Angle in a fairly decent match. Angle did look a little hesitant, but he still put on some good moves. Chavo Sr., who is in his 50s, took a couple of bumps. The Chavos did a nice spot where they were both about to beat on Kurt, but Eddy came into the ring and they both ran out. Kurt got blinded by Chavo Jr. for a moment, and accidentally gave Eddy the Olympic Slam, allowing Chavo to do a sub-standard Frog Splash for the pin. Eddy emoted a little as the show went off the air.

It's wasn't a bad show, just didn't feel special. They did build to Eddy and Chavo's match, and the Brock match, but they fell a little short. I am betting on a good show on Sunday.

NEWS
Mick Foley was quoted in Newsday talking about Howard Dean's speech. There were all sorts of comparisons to wrestling promos flying around, but I've got to give Newsday credit for actually going to a wrestler, and one of the great talkers, to get his perspective.

Lillian Garcia was on ESPN 2's Cold Pizza on Thursday Morning. I assume she was there being all hot.

As part of the resurgence of wrestling history that I talked about in my Ric Flair DVD review, the WWE has announced that it will be doing a Hall of Fame ceremony before WrestleMania. Tix are set at 200 bucks a pop. The folks I hope they induct: Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Bruno Sanmartino, Bob Backlund, Superstar Billy Graham, or Honky Tonk Man (He's Cool, He's Cocky, He's Bad).

WOW, the Women of Wrestling, is set for a comeback in the near future. Not sure of many details, though they are scheduled for a press conference in Mid-February, likely to announce a syndication deal.

I didn't catch Hulk on Jimmy Kimmel last night.

Vince has issued a decree that wrestlers should not to talking to the folks on the Internet. Unhappy with the amount of leaks that have taken place over the last few months over WrestleMania plans, he hopes he can plug them.

Jerry Lynn, a former ECW star who had been doing great things in TNA, has been told that TNA won't be booking him anymore. Dirty Dutch Mantel told the former Mr. JL that he has no ideas for him and he wouldn't be used. He's a talented guy, but he's a little on the old side. Hopefully, the WWE will bring him in for a short run with Rey and Tajiri.

Quick Rumble Predictions
Mysterio beats Noble to keep the Cruiserweight title, and Nidia comes clean and joins Rey.

The Dudleys lose to Flair and Bautista in the Tables match.

Eddy pins Chavo in a too-short match.

HHH beats Michaels in the Last Man Standing Match

I'm going with Benoit winning the Rumble and going to RAW.

Brock pins Holly after a truly mind-numbing beating.

FlashBack!
Terry Funk is a genius. No, I don't mean that he can multiply two seventy-digit numbers in his head, but he may be smartest wrestler of all time. He knew exactly how to get exactly the reaction he wanted from any crowd. Ric Flair, the greatest worker of the modern era, had some of that ability, but he could always rely on his work to get reaction.

The two began feuding in 1989, immediately after Flair beat Ricky Steamboat for the NWA Heavyweight Title. Funk piledrove Flair on a table and they did an injury angle so that Flair could get some time off, I think to have some surgery.

Post-piledrive...

The feud ran through the summer, getting great reactions, though not exactly selling out every arena they ran. It came to the point where the two needed to settle the score, so Flair asked the NWA board of directors for an I-Quit match at November Clash of the Champions entitled New York Knock-Out.

Flair and Funk gave some legendary promos with Flair being the face Flair where he talks about being a legend and always playing at the top of his game. Funk was soon-to-turn Funk, talking about how he would be brutal, but if he lost, he would shake Flair's hand. The stage was set, and the Troy, New York crowd got a true treat.

They open the match with Ric Flair giving one of his classic chops to Terry's chest which sends Funk flying over the top rope to the outside. He comes back in and takes more chops. At this point, you knew something was different, as a typical Flair match, even ones to settle violent feuds, would always start with tie-ups and mat work. Here, he came right at Funk with chops. Funk went for the eyes and then kicked Flair a lot. Things were certainly different, so much so that the crowd wasn't very loud, almost as if they were in awe of what they were seeing.

Funk beats on Flair's neck, giving him a nice neckbreaker when Flair lowers his head to try a backdrop. Funk then does the set up for a piledriver and tells the ref to ask Flair to quit on the mic, which he refuses to do. The ref tells Terry that he won't, so Terry gives him a piledriver and Flair sells it like boiling oil. They do some out of ring work, like Funk slamming Flair into a table and a piledriver on the outside. The mic is used to ask for I-Quits, which is a sweet way to go. At one point Gary Hart, Terry's manager, gets in Flair's way, so Flair decks him.

The match keeps going, with more violence, more brawling and a lot more wrestling. Eventually, Flair gets his kneebreaker and then puts the figure four on inside the ring. Ric holds it for a long time, with Terry fighting it the whole way. With Tommy Young holding the mic, he keeps asking Terry if he wants to quit. Terry responds with "My leg is breaking. You're breaking my leg." Then finally "I Quit."

The match ends, Terry shakes Flair's hand over Hart's disapproval and he's attacked by Muta and the rest of the Hart stable. Sting makes the save and all is well.

There is so much to talk about in this match. Flair made a hugely dramatic match in 18 minutes, where as his usual main events would take half an hour. The announcing by Jim Ross and Gordon Solie was the best ever. Solie at one point said "Five letters, two words: I Quit." And that sold the whole match. Ross was at his peak as well. There were the interviews leading up and the post-match. There was the crowd reaction that ranged from hot hot hot to stunned silent respect. It was amazing.

The real highlight had to be the fact that this was the beginning of the 1990s. A couple of months too early, but still, 1990s wrestling began that night in Troy, New York. The way they laid out the match, the psychology they used, the brawling style all led to Tri-State Wrestling, which gave us ECW, which brought us the modern WWE. The first shot in the Hard Core Revolution was this match between the greatest WRESTLER of our generation, and the guy who is the greatest HARDCORE WRESTLER of any generation (Mick Foley, Bruiser Brody, and Abdullah the Butcher are all right up there). This signaled where wrestling was going, and had enough exposure to really show the world what was going on.

That's all for Falls. Next week, I'll be doing the typical Tuesday fun, but won't be here on Friday, so ya'll may have to suffer through Goodson.

Chris Garcia