Falls Count Anywhere

01-09-04

In March, I plan to be in a Latino Emotional Place.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris and I was up all night doing cheeseballs…

SmackDown!
A more or less average episode with a couple of good things.

The Angle playing peacemaker stuff was OK, but it's still kinda weird. They could have done this with a wrestler who is currently in the Chris Jericho position of looking like he's about to turn, but then have him do something that looks noble before helping the heel out and reaffirming his heeldom. That's not what they are going for, so it was a little confused. I guess it gives him something to do until he can wrestle again.

Benoit had a mini-Rumble with the FBI. It wasn't that exciting, but Benoit gave the crowd a sampler of his moves, all of which got a decent response. Of course, Benoit won and will still be the #1 entrant in the Royal Rumble.

Angle sorta played Sheriff as the Bashems took out Rikishi and Scotty before their scheduled Tag Team Title match. They laid in a good beatdown, as they are surprisingly solid brawlers. Angle came out and said that he had talked with Paul Heyman, convinced him that there should still be a Tag Team Title match and that Los Guerreros should get it. Los Guerreros came out in a low rider and had a really solid match. Eddy worked a good deal of the way, doing the Ricky Morton Face in Peril thing. The crowd actually chanted for Chavo, which I guess is a good thing. One of the Bashems got a hole in the knee of their S+M trousers. Shaniqua's gonna have to be up all night fixing those. Danny (or maybe it was Doug) did an awesome Twisting Elbow Drop off the Middle rope.

Eddy finally got the hot tag to Chavo, who came in and cleaned house. The Bashems started a double team after a while, but Los Guerreros managed to knock the boys outside and do simultaneous planchas. Back in the ring, Chavo went for a Sunset Flip over the Top, but Doug sat down on him and Shaniqua added a little leverage to him so Chavo couldn't kick out.

It's over...

After the match, the Bashems beat on Eddy, and Chavo went to get a chair. Then he simply set the chair up and watched them work Eddy over. It was a nice subtle touch that led to Chavo getting in the ring and giving the right hand to Eddy, making him a true heel. He beat him some more, busted him open and left in his low rider. Poor Eddy. They did a segment with Angle apologizing to Eddy who was in a Latino Emotional Place. He was also bloody as hell. I really liked this whole thing.

Now that they've actually pulled the string on this feud, I'm happy with how it turned out. It took forever, but they need to start slowing things down now that the PPVs are at least two months apart for each side. This and the Jericho / Trish thing on RAW are trying to see if they can hold the audience's attention with more complex storylines, and I think it might just work.

A-Train and Cena met in a match that I really didn't pay much attention to since 1) I've seen it all before, and 2) it was only good when Cena was rapping. Seriously, he's got a great talent for the word play. "You're no A-Train, you're a Baby Carriage. I'm gonna bust you up faster than Britney Spears' Marriage". Worthy of the Bard…Nipsy Russell. He gave the FU to A-Train, which is still kinda impressive.

Akio took on Rey Mysterio in a Non-Title match. It wasn't great, but was OK. Rey does the highest Twisting Springboard Crossbody off the middle rope that I've ever seen. He was way above Akio's head. Rey did a double 619 and the West Coast Pop for the win.

Billy Gunn has no business with a weekly segment. They're doing a "Billy Gunn's Top Three Moments" thing in an attempt to get him over. Like always, it won't work and they'll find another way to annoy us with him in six months.

Paul Heyman and Nidia did a segment backstage where Heyman said that if Jamie Noble didn't show up, he'd send Nidia out there to take his place in the Cruiserweight Title #1 Contender Match.

I'm not touching the planned punchline here...

Of course, Noble didn't show, so Nidia had to take on Tajiri. Heyman even said that he "Wouldn't allow foreign objects in my ring!" and took away her white cane. Tajiri beat Nidia down, and Rey Mysterio came to her aid. As they were going up the ramp, Jamie Noble came out to help Nidia, he pushed Rey and they left. I am betting that they'll say that Jamie was in a whorehouse or something and that's when they'll do the turn.

Bob Holly and The Big Show met in the Street Fight, with all sorts of weapons around the ring. Holly jumped Brock, who was doing commentary, and they tussled a bit. Holly used pepper spray on Show, and they brawled. They were in Huntsville, so I fully expected hometown boy Holly to lose, but no, he actually got a cool win. He put a chair around Show's neck and pulled back, wrenching it until he got the submission. It was an awesome move and Holly looked really bad ass.

Just about average, but the Tag Match and the Turn were strong. Holly doesn't look like a strong contender yet, but they still have a little time.

NEWS
Torrie and Sable. Nude. Together. Playboy. March Issue. I'm all up for that.

You may have noticed that Maven has not been around. He has taken an extended leave of absence to take care of his ailing aunt. She has had cancer for a good long while (I think since Tough Enough) and she has taken a turn for the worse.

Kevin Nash strangles Thomas Jane as The Punisher, picture courtesy of superherohype.

Kevin Nash has a featured role in the up-coming Punisher movie. He has been talking about going full time into acting, and they say that he did quite well. D-Lo Brown has also been looking at getting work in Hollywood.

Torrie and Sable. Nude. Together. Playboy. March Issue. I'm still all up for that.

Saw Medusa Micceli on MSNBC last night, taking about monster trucking. They had some footage of her wrestling Ric Flair. This was an old piece, as they showed the N.W.O. Monster truck. She came off really well, actually.

Torrie and Sable. Nude. Together. Playboy. March Issue. Actually, I'm pretty much spent now.

Hogan is gonna be on Kimmel. The Rock is going to be on Sharon Osborne. Scott Hall is going to be Suspect Three in a police line-up.

FlashBack!
The First Blood Match is a nice way to advance a feud. There have been a few in the WWF over the last couple of years, but none of them worked as well as the one that Dusty Rhodes and Tully Blanchard perpetrated at Starrcade 1986.

Blanchard and Rhodes had been feuding over the World Television Title for months, with Rhodes holding the title and the advantage for most of the year. The two were facing off and they did some very smart things even before the match. Dusty shaved the sides of his head and in black Sharpie wrote TULLY. It was a nice touch, and one that was years ahead of fashion trends. JJ Dillon, Tully's manager, tries to give Tully a set of wrestling headgear, but referee Tommy Young refuses to allow it. Then JJ tries to Vaseline Tully's forehead, therefore making it harder for Dusty to make Tully bleed. The ref calls for a towel, wipes off the Vaseline, which puts JJ into a fit, which leads Dusty to giving him a big Bionic Elbow and sending him flying outside.

Some brawling and a few moves...

The match itself was nothing good, just some brawling and a few moves. The finish, though, was brilliant and the type of thing that is missing from wrestling today. Dusty pounded on Tully until he started bleeding, which would have won him the match if the ref hadn't been bumped. As Dusty tries to rouse the ref, JJ, who was bleeding from the earlier assault, wipes Tully's forehead clean of blood, then uses the Vaseline to stop the bleeding. He hands Dusty a roll of coins, a Carolina classic foreign object, which Tully decks Dusty with, allowing him to blade and lose the match.

It was very well built and proof that you can have talentless wrestlers working matches that have a strong story and a good ending. Yeah, the purists will hate it, but it is entertaining to a high degree.

That's all for this week. More on Tuesday.

Chris Garcia