Falls Count Anywhere

01-06-04

I would gladly comfort Tug's daughter-in-law.

Welcome to Falls Count Anywhere! My name is Chris, and God Bless You, Tug McGraw.

RAW
RAW was about average, with a couple of very good moments. The best part for me? Theodore R. Long getting to be the GM for the Night. This was long over-due to my man in the mean suit, and though it did lead to some uncomfortable moments for the crowd, it was a nice touch.

The opening speech by Long calling everyone in Memphis a racist was awkward, though he showed all the polish that Teddy works with. Lawler came out to dispute the charges and Randy Orton gave him the RKO. A good way to get Orton a little more over and to bring Lawler into the night's mix.

Coach comes out and brings an LSU chair to rub it in JR's face that they beat Oklahoma. They ran this into the ground, but it was still funny. Coach is underrated as a character, though his commentary is still not very good.

They show Spike Dudley taking the awful bump from La Resistance a couple of months ago. I can remember when Raven took a bump like that back in ECW in 1995, only his was from the top rope to the mat, not from the mat to the outside. Spike and Rene Dupre had a match that wasn't much, but showed that La Res has a little go in them and Spike is always fun. Spike gets the win, which brings out the other Dudleys to help celebrate. Flair and Bautista come out and beat on the Dudleys for a while in preparation for the match later in the evening.

The sexual tension is sooo thick...

They show highlights of the Michaels vs. HHH match from last week. A hell of a match, even in highlight form.

Jericho and Christian have a talk and they make up after their fighting. They get a tag match with Rosie and Hurricane. The match itself is kinda fun. I'm a big fan of Hurricane, and it seems that he tweaked his knee when he was thrown out of the ring. It even made him also lose it going for a cross body to the outside from the top later in the match. Rosie tries hard, which is more than most guys his size do. His side slam is very impressive. Jericho seems to have been watching Tajiri matches, as he used the front and back kicks while Rosie was on the ground.

How do you know when you are in Vince McMahon's doghouse? You are made to lose to Steven Richards three times on national TV.

Richards and Test had a match that wasn't great, but passable. Victoria came out and looked hot in her outfit, nearly as hot as my Lillian in her monotone combo. Richards rolled up Test when he went for his pumphandle, and then Test booted Victoria in the face. This should make Steven and Victoria faces now, though turning in a match with Test won't make you very strong faces. Victoria's gimmick works better as a heel, so we'll see how this turns out. I'm fairly certain that they did the injury to Victoria since her knee is still messed up and they needed a good storyline to explain why she wouldn't be wrestling.

Austin comes out and announces that HHH and Michaels will have a rematch at the Rumble in a Last Man Standing match. I know I'm not the only one who wants to see the two of them in Hell in the Cell. HHH comes out and mics with Austin. HBK then joins them, only to get a Pedigree from HHH.

Molly Holly comes out asking to get her forfeit from Victoria, but Teddy Long sends out Trish to take her place. They have a decent little women's match until Jazz comes out to beat on them both and then take out Trish. That feud has been done a lot, so I am not thrilled to see it return.

RVD and Mark Henry wrestle for an Intercontinental Title shot at Randy Orton next week. The match isn't great, but Mark Henry looks as good as he has since he left SmackDown! and would work with Angle and co.. RVD actually looked more solid that he has recently. RVD gets a DQ win, so Teddy Long announces that it's a No DQ match. Austin comes out on his ATV and chases Theodore away. RVD later hits the Frog Splash for the win. He and Austin celebrate at the top of the ramp.

Jericho spills his heart to Trish while she is in the shower. Only, it's not Trish, its Mae Young. Why do they keep doing this to me?

The Dudleys took on Flair and Bautista in a match that had moments. Flair is still really good in there, and it was obvious that he was guiding the match, even when Bautista was tagged in. Buhbuh works damn hard, and D-Von isn't bad either. HHH distracts the ref so that Bautista can powerbomb D-Von to give Flair the win. HBK then comes out of nowhere and Superkicks HHH to even the score between them for the night.

Not spectacular, but strong enough. No overwhelmingly great match, nothing too terrible.

News
It's looking less and less likely that Goldberg will be back. The WWE has made it known to all wrestlers that if they are interested in resigning, it will be for a far lower downside than their current offer, which doesn't seem to suit Goldy.

The New Years Eve shows from Japan seemed to go pretty well. Pro Wrestlers didn't fare very well in the MMA style, as Predator (Sylvester Terkey) was one of two to win on the three big Japan shows. Predator wrestled Kurt Angle as an amatuer and I believe was an NCAA champ as well. He has a sort of Brock Lesnar look to him. Akebono, the Yokozuna from Hawaii also known as Chad Rowen, lost to Bob Sapp in the first round. Boxer Butterbean also got beat by a much smaller opponent.

Can you smell what The Pants is cooking?

Oddly, for the first time in a long while Raw was not in the top ten of cable shows. Two NFL games beat it, as did an NFL Primetime show, and a bunch of episodes of Sponge Bob SquarePants. It placed #11 on the sched, which will likely drive Vince crazy.

Brock Lesnar will be on the cover of the next issue of Flex Magazine. It's a good idea getting the faces of the top stars on the cover of specialty magazines, as it widens the casual fanbase.

FlashBack!
Cactus Jack is the all-time king of Hard Core Wrestling. One of my favorite matches from Mick Foley's alter ego took place in a federation called IWA Japan in 1995, perhaps the heyday of Garbage Wrestling.

IWA Japan, an off-shoot of the IWA from Puerto Rico, was a gathering place for insane brawlers willing to put their bodies through hell. It was run by Victor Quinones, widely considered to be one of the scummiest men on the face of the Earth. But IWA was also a place where American wrestlers could come for a payday. Mike Kirschner, who had left the USA under mysterious circumstances with many pointing to legal issues, signed up with them for a long haul. Terry Funk, Cactus Jack, and a bunch of others also made the trip.

They decided to try a gimmick where a bunch of American wrestlers would dress up as killers from various American movies. I believe they were called the Hollywood Nightmares. Kirschner played Leatherface. Cactus and Leatherface were a pretty popular tag team, though they were the ultimate villains. The two of them took on Shoji Nakamaki, a hardcore wrestler who had little talent other than taking sick bumps, and Hiroshi Oono, a wrestler of no talent whatsoever. The match was a Barbed-Wire Thumbtack Match.

The Japanese pair were loved by IWA Japan fans. They were seen as the ultimate tough Japanese, a role that Masato Tanaka would take over in more recent years. They would take insane bumps and keep coming back for more. The two of them even had a few matches that made their legend well known.

Cactus Jack pre-blooding.

The pairing was a natural, as Jack would do anything, Nakamaki and Oono always did the big spots, and Kirschner had nowhere else to go. Leatherface had a great entrance, coming through the crowd with one of those gimmicked chainsaws, throwing around chairs and scaring the audience.

The match wasn't a great one. I doubt there were five wrestling moves used that didn't involve barbed wire. Nakamaki was very fond of the headbutt, and used it a lot. I think the match went less than three minutes before Nakamaki was bleeding. The blood was a part of the spectacle and almost required by the fans. Cactus did all his signature spots, and after a while, the thumbtacks were brought in. Cactus gave Oono a Double-Arm DDT into them, and I think that Leatherface tried to suplex one of the guys into them, but ended up taking the Double Suplex from both of them for the pin.

This sort of match is brutal, hard to watch at times, and just plain hardly wrestling. On the other hand, it's far more entertaining than some of the sweet scientific matches I've seen over the years. Garbage wrestling, HardCore Wrestling, brawling, whatever, it all lives under the same rules as regular wrestling: First, always be entertaining. Second: do what you will.

That's another Tuesday. Friday will be more, plus a look at the American Dream Dusty Rhodes.

Chris Garcia