Falls Count Anywhere

01-03-06

Attention must be paid.

SmackDown!
SmackDown is headed in a bad direction, much the same way RAW was when Goodson decided to quit doing Chairshots. I’m no quitter though, so I’ll muddle through.

The show opened with Chris Benoit trying to get who he would face since Booker T had his groin pull. The story with Benoit’s contract is that he’s working on a handshake deal with Vince at the moment, but he’s planning to sign in a bit, if the money can be worked out. His wife, Woman (aka Nancy) recently had spinal surgery, which is why he’s missed house shows of late. He ended up being given Randy Orton after he convinced Theodore R. Long that he wanted to earn his win instead of just being given a forfeit.

JBL basically squashed Matt Hardy. Yeah, you read that right. What the HELL are they doing with Hardy? Well, that’s not 100 percent true, but the end result is the same. Matt actually was being thrown around like a ragdoll when Boogeyman came and distracted him, causing him to lose by DQ. They really have failed to make Matt a star again, which is sad since he was so hot.

They’re trying with the MexiCools. They had Psicosis and SuperCrazy beat the Dicks (My God, how bad did that sound?) when Crazy hit a moonsault. Sadly, Tazz and Cole made jokes about the Dicks which were obviously fed to them from Vince. This wasn’t a bad match, and it’s obvious that Psi and Crazy want away from Juvy, whose prima donna attitude has turned a lot of the locker room against him.

In a badly written but well-delivered segment (you know, like all those Eddie-Rey bits in the Summer) Melina came to the ring and gave a press conference, complete with fake photogs, and said that she was suing Batista. She also called him a sexual predator. I liked Melina in this a lot. She’s a talent and she could be big if they’d just give her a real and prolonged push. I guess that’s asking a lot.

Orton has a new Frankenstein doll...

Chris Benoit beat Randy Orton via DQ in a good match, though not as good as Booker and Benoit have been having. Booker was on commentary and did a real good job there. Benoit did some mat work which was really good and Orton did some brawling that I still don’t buy from him. He’d make a good cowardly heel if he’d just get himself a crew that could really work with him (it was the rest of Evolution that really made Orton). Benoit did a dive to the outside and Orton sold it half-wrong. Orton later missed a crossbody and then ended up taking Triple Verticals, which he’s said is his tribute to Eddie. Sharmell hit Benoit with a crutch and ended up getting Orton DQed. Not a bad match at all, and Orton gave Benoit an RKO after.

My man, Kid Kash, did an interview talking about how he beat a nobody named Juventud, which is a type of Mexican salamander according to Kash. He then attacked Funaki, who was doing the interview, and gave him the Brainbuster on the podium. I liked this, though storyline-wise it wasn’t the right way to go with things.

Sylvan got fed to Bobby Lashley. He basically got destroyed. In a related note, the other half of the original La Resistance is most likely done with wrestling. He’s got another herniated disc and will probably have to retire at the age of 22.

The Main Event was basically done to have Mark Henry come back and try to set himself up as the next contender for Batista. Basically, Rey and the MNM boys worked really well together, and when it looked like Batista was about to polish off MNM with the Spinebuster, Mark Henry ran out, slammed Batista and cost them the match and the titles. Sadly weak ending, but we’ll have to see what they do with it.

There were people who did good stuff with bad material, but the overall direction of SmackDown is a concern. I’d say they really need to get a good program going with someone new. Maybe pushing Lashley as a bonebreaker who just goes through everyone as a hired gun. That might actually get him over.

TNA Impact on New Year’s Eve
There was some good stuff here, though on these specials they so seldom seem to give us a real big time spectacular match. The only two matches I really watched were Chris Daniels vs. Eric Young (good solid match with one of the best wrestlers in the world) and The Chris Harris vs. Christian Cage match. Really, that last match wasn’t much, but it allowed Jeff Jarrett to attack Christian and set up their title feud. Monty Brown gave Christian a Pounce and Jeff gave him the Stroke on the belt.

I didn’t see the first match of 2006 with AMW vs. Daniels and AJ Styles, but I’ve heard it was a pretty good match marred by the fact they had to take all sorts of commercials. Sad

RAW
RAW wasn’t great, but there were some nice things and the Flair-Edge feud is going strong.

Vince started off saying that there was a Zero Tolerance plan, that he wasn’t going to put up with any crap. Sadly, he did seem to watch the show, so there goes that theory. He said he was going to be making the matches for his amusement…you know, like he always does.

Kane took on Shawn Michaels with Vince saying that Shawn couldn’t use the Sweet Chin Music. Not a terrible match, but Kane has slowed from his high water mark of two years ago. There were a lot of things they could have done with the match, but they chose to have Michaels threaten to do the SUperKick and Vince yelled at him, allowing Kane to get the Chokeslam. Shawn will be the first guy in the Elimination Chamber.

They’re trying to make Gregory Helms into a character by having him say that Jerry Lawler was holding him back. They fought a little and it ended up with Lawler challenging Helms to a match at New Year’s Revolution. This was a good idea, but it wasn’t well done, exactly opposite of a lot of SmackDown! this week.

Nice package on the Elimination Chamber. I liked it and I thought that it made the match look like something that I wouldn’t want to miss. Last year was a big number, but can they repeat that with Masters and Carlito in the match. I kinda think they can, especially with the Edge vs. Flair match, which I think is the best program the WWE has right now.

The luckiest dog in show business...

A weird angle with Maria and Victoria. Maria was in the ring when the Torrie, Candice and Victoria crew came in with Victoria in a neckbrace because of Carlito last week. They had Maria win, and then Team Torrie stripped, leading to Ashley coming out and getting a double DDT. This was a pretty sight, as all the girls are hot, but the match was bad and having Maria win was just awful.

Nice bit where Mickie James stopped Trish in the shower and apologized to Trish for kissing her. She also complimented Trish’s boobs. I saw Divas Uncovered today and there’s the hottest shot of Trish ever, smiling with her black eye, obviously proud of what it stood for. Trish deserves best Woman for the last four years.

They did a good skit with Edge saying that he had footage of Flair’s roadrage incident. They then showed footage of Edge dressed as Flair flipping out on the motorist. I thought this was a really good angle, completely disagreeing with most of the net’s opinion on it. Flair came out and brawled with Edge. Lita then went to jump Flair, but Flair put her in the Figure Four while Edge ran off. Nice touch.

Shelton took on Chris Masters and guess what? He got beat. This was a bad match, though Shelton tried to escape the Masterlock using a forward role, but Masters held on. They have something in Masters, though how will he look after the drug testing takes place. Later, they introduced Shelton’s Mama, which could be terrible.

HHH said that he was going to cripple Big Show. Show came at him with the cast, selling it as a weapon. Not a good thing.

The Kurt vs. Cena First Blood match wasn’t bad at all. They told a smart story with it and they did the typical finish where the face is about to get the submission, which doesn’t count, but he’s already bleeding so he loses. It happens. After that, all hell broke loose with Masters and Carlito and Michaels and Kane coming out. That was a good thing and they took turns doing their moves and getting good pops for it. I thought it was a hot segment, but Cena was getting lots of boos. They can’t turn him, because that’ll cost ‘em merch sales. They also can’t keep the belt on him because the buying public isn’t into him, it’s only the kids and the girls. The solution? I’d say it’d be pushing an undercard feud into the real draw, like they’d do in the NWA time to time, but I figure they’ll go back to H.

I’d say that it was a weak show, but I’ve seen worse, especially lately.

That’s all for this week. I’ll be back next Tuesday!

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Chris Garcia