Top Five Not-So-Latently-Gay
Golden Age Super-Heroes
(based on an article published
in Comics, adapted by the author for Once Upon
THE RED BEE. Oh, I know you think you had this one
nailed because of the pink sleeves, but you're buzzing
up the wrong hive. See, the Apis Avenger keeps a
swarm of trained bees—including his favorite,
named Michael, unnaturally enough—in his belt.
His belt! Accessorizing like this says two words,
my little drones: wayyy gayyy.
4) BLACK CANARY. Yes, you read that right. This
one's so obvious, even Doctor Mid-Nite could see
it (or should). "She" spent all that time
dating a Queen... that's Queen with a capital "Q."
And the lace stockings..? The proof is as sharp
as a pre-Crisis Canary Cry: clearly, Black Canary
is a gay transvestite.
3) THE VIGILANTE. Wah-ha-hahl, looky hyar! Like
many a nancy-boy, Vig wuz so a-feared o' commitment,
he became known far an' wide as the Prairie Troubadour,
a-rollin' from town to town like a dag-burned tumbleweed.
P'rtected an' served by the "Don't Ask, Don't
Tell" policy of the Seven Soldiers of Victory,
the puddin'-footed proof of his gayness wuz his
flippity-floppity kerchief. I mean, how much purtier
c'n one man git?
THE BLACK TERROR. Actually, I don't think for one
picosecond that the Black Terror's gay, but Chris
Sprouse's rendering of Terror Twin One within the
pages of Tom Strong #11 made me more gay, if such
a thing is possible, and caused me to dry-hump my
first comic book. And I needed to tell someone.
Thanks for being there. Oh, and Bob, in case I'm
wrong: call me "Tim." Or better still,
call me "Timmy."
1) KID ETERNITY. No need to summon the ghost of
Liberace on this one. Nor is there any need to mention
the fact that he spends most of his time in the
company of a bald eunuch in a horsehair dress. No,
no... do you remember the Kid's origin? He went
down on a ship full of seamen! Hel-LO? It wasn't
his idea, true, but that still makes him the gayest
in my book! And I wonder if there's another reason
All characters (c) and TM their
Terrance Griep is
a comic book writer on titles such as DC comics
JLA SHOWCASE 80-PAGE GIANT #1, SCOOBY-DOO, CARTOON
NETWORK PRESENTS #5, SHOWCASE '94 #9, SHOWCASE '96
#10 as well as work for other publishers.